Not Giving a ....

Hi Readers,

Another post in less than a week! This author must:

(a) Have a lot of time on his hands

(b) Found some inspiration from a new book

(c) Feels the need to take things easy for a few days

(d) Found something that he really connects with

(e) All of the above

As I mentioned in my last post, I had hand and wrist surgery a few days ago and have found that the recovery is not going to be as quick or easy as I thought it would be.

"Its just your hand" I was telling myself, so at least I could still ride my bike in the shed (wrong!) Go for long walks (wrong) and pretty much carry on as normal with just a few minor disruptions (wrong)

So last night I decided that I just can't sit at home and watch sport and Netflix all day, so at least I'll be able to write, but even that is quite painful, so I'm not sure how long this post will be. I finished a book over the weekend, one that didn't leave me with many gems of wisdom, but still good all the same. This morning I decided to head out and get a new book, but I just couldn't find a good biography or autobiography which are my favourite genres, so I headed to the self help section and came across this book that I have often heard about, so decided to give it a try.

You can insert whatever word you like in the covered area, but as we are all sensible adults here I'm sure that you generally know what the missing word is!!!

I've only read the first few pages and already I can tell that it is going to be a good read. I hope that I don't have to write another post in a few weeks stating that I was proven so wrong in the end.

Probably the main reason why this book appealed to me is due to the fact that since I started writing more consistently over the past 4 years I have been questioned a number of times about why I write, and what I write about. More precisely, why do I sometimes share some of my innermost feelings and open myself up to potential ridicule.

After what I witnessed with Jen becoming sick and then passing away, I realised that nothing from then onwards could affect me as much as that did. Everything else didn't really matter to me anymore, so if anyone was going to have a crack at me about what I write then it would be like the proverbial water off a ducks back. I just wouldn't give a %$#@! So that's where this book jumps out at me this morning and piqued my interest, and I'm keen to see if there is anything in it that helps to solidify why I now feel this way about so many things.

Let me be clear here Readers (Oh shit, I sound like our Victorian Premier saying that- SORRY!!) there is a difference between not giving a ^%$# and not letting something worry you. There are things that I might not really care about, but at the same time I won't ignore.

For example, I'm not a smoker, and don't give a ^%$# about anyone who smokes. That is until you throw a butt out of your car window, and I'll jot down your rego etc and put in a report to the EPA !! Smoke if you want to, I don't care, but the moment that your smoking has the potential to endanger me or others then I really do give a ^%$#.

As most of you would know by now, I retired around 18 months ago. Before Jen got sick I was so absorbed and passionate about my teaching, and really wanted to explore as many ways that I could improve as possible, always searching for that something else. But when I came back to work ten months later that spark had definitely fizzled. The Mojo had gone.

I'm not saying that when I came back that I didn't give a %$^$, it's just that I couldn't crank it up again, it just wasn't that important to me anymore. I still gave my best and I hope that my reduced enthusiasm wasn't overtly obvious, but I began to feel that my days were numbered as I was just treading water in my work. By the end of my final year in 2024 I'd well and truly had enough and was just not enjoying it anymore, despite making every effort to make it appear that I was. You can only fool oneself and others for so long, so I knew it was time to go.

How ironic that towards the end of last year I started to do a little bit of CRT work and that has continued into this year. I have really enjoyed it but I need to be fully aware of when I start to feel that I have had enough and then it will be time to pull the pin completely.

The absolute last thing I want to happen is that I keep doing CRT work when I might not give a ^%$# anymore. I'm confident I'll identify that long before I decide to finish for good as I wouldn't be able to face myself or those kids if I persisted under those circumstances.

After reading back through what I've written so far there may be some of you who might like to take me to task about this post, but it's only stating what I'm feeling. So if you do want to have a crack, remember....I don't......!!!

I also don't want to sound aloof or rude or just like a prick, but I have learnt to not worry about stuff that doesn't bother me now, whereas in the past it might have.

Clear as mud???

Perhaps a very obvious example involving me lately has been the rate at which I have been buying and selling cars and caravans, still trying to scratch an itch that just won't go away. I keep getting this car to tow that van, then have to change again as I sell the van. Then I sell the car. Then I start the process all over again!! WTF!!!

Well let me tell you that the saga continues!! Stay tuned on that one !! 😲

At first some of my friends would not be that concerned with what I was doing, but over time I could tell that I was really being judged and questioned. I was okay with that, but none of them really know where my thinking is at and there are things that I just need to keep to myself. So when I get laughed at, or have eyes rolled at me, just remember that I don't really give a %$#@, and I mean that in the most respectful way.

I'd rather you laugh at me rather than judge me.

You can not give a ^%$# in a manner that offends people, and I hope I haven't been doing that. Then you can also not give a ^%$# to people in a way that allows them to voice their concerns without feeling that they are offending you. I hope I'm doing that.

I'm so lucky that I'm surrounded by people who really understand where I am coming from, especially after these past 4 years and when I have been making some of these 'outrageous' decisions, they still have my back. Just recently I was at a friends place for coffee and when I told her my upcoming plans she just said "Yep. Do It !!!" You would not know how good that made me feel.

I have really digressed with where I was planning to go with this post Readers, my apologies, but do you think I give a %^$# ?🤣

I've only read a few pages of the book, and decided to express some initial thoughts by way of this post. In a nutshell so far, it suggests that we generally tend to worry about advice that we are given because it fixates on things that we feel we lack, and what we perceive our personal shortcomings and failures to be. It serves to make us feel unsuccessful, what we are not, what we lack and what we should have been but failed to be.

A few years ago, and even today, I could compile a long list of all of these things if they were put to me. Unfortunately it took a devastating experience to change my thinking and now there are just so many things that I would have taken to heart that I just don't give a ^%$# about anymore. It also took me a while to distinguish between what I thought was important and when I thought I was being apathetic.

You might remember that I refer regularly to one of my favourite medications, and probably the one that has helped me more than any others over the past few years.

I highly recommend them!!!

It's amazing how people have different ' ^%$^' meters when it comes to different things. For example, I know people who fight a constant losing battle with keeping their hair as the onset of baldness approaches. For me I just know that it is beyond my control, so I just don't give a *^%$ and never have. But I shouldn't expect others to feel the same way, as I have no idea about how much the thought of losing their hair is to them. Likewise I know people who don't give a ^%$# about keeping fit, whereas it is of utmost importance to me. 

Just as I don't want them to judge me on something, I don't want to be judging them.

The only time when I might give a ^%$# is when it has an adverse effect on others, and I would expect nothing but the same from them if I was doing it.

Have you ever come across or witnessed examples of when people have lost their ^%$# because they kick up such a stink about something that generally would be agreed isn't worth the effort?

Recently at Bunnings I saw someone losing their $%$# because the onions were put UNDER the sausage!! Really????

Drivers who bust their arse just to get ahead of one more car in dense traffic?

People who call out others in the '10 items or less' checkout for having 11 or 12 items?

I often wonder what must be going on in their lives if such trivial things can result in them losing their ^%$# so easily and with such venom.

I must relate one story to you about someone losing their %$#%$ that involves one of my family members. I'm sure that my late sister Anne won't mind me sharing it !

Sadly, Anne passed away a few weeks before Jen did in 2022. She fought her cancer bravely and much of that time was during the Covid epidemic. At one point, when we weren't in lockdown, Anne was still able to get out and about for appointments, groceries, banking etc.

Do you remember signs like this in practically every business reminding us about maintaining suitable social distances?

Well, Anne was in a bank or supermarket one day, I forget which and she was dutifully standing on her spot 1.5m behind the person in front of her. After a little while she could just sense a presence behind her, very close. 

Too close. 

So she turns around and finds the next customer virtually breathing down her neck. After giving this person a solid stinkeye that should have sufficed to suggest that this person needed to take a few steps back, Anne turned back to face forwards. Unfortunately this person failed to take the hint, and Anne could still feel the warm breath on her neck.

This time there was no mistaking the message or the sentiments of it. Anne turned around and sorted the situation with just two words. 

&^%$ OFF !!!

This surprisingly had an immediate effect and the other person shuffled back the necessary 1.5 m, and I'm guessing that it may have been more!! By this stage of her illness Anne had very little tolerance of people who annoyed her and wasn't subtle in letting them know, and this was her Gold Medal performance. She wasn't going to waste time being polite about it, she just didn't give a %$%# and made it known on the spot.

That was the only time I heard that Anne had been angry at someone, and I back her in this situation. If anything, she always presented the complete opposite in the way that she always was so open, caring, honest and loving in all that she did despite her predicament.

In her final months she was a true example of love, but in this case of not giving a %$#$ I always have a giggle.

Well Readers, I'm going to read more of the book now and it will be interesting to see what gems of wisdom I come across. I'm quite excited to think if it will be what I'm anticipating, or whether it will take a track that totally surprises me. The next few weeks are presenting so many unknowns for me, but I do know that two more ops are coming. I'm not worried about them, in fact I don't really give a ^%$# as I know they just need to be done. So no need to worry!!

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 The One Armed Bandit

Hi Readers

Another post not so long after my last one!

The real reason for being so 'organised' is because I'm sort of housebound for a few days, even though I'll duck out later for an appointment that I just can't bear to miss.

As I wrote in my last post I was booked in to have an operation on one of my hands to try and correct an ongoing problem with my fingers ( 4 ops on them so far) and to address the carpal tunnel problem in that hand. In a few weeks I'll get the other hand done, just waiting to see how this one responds first. So yesterday I went in and got stage 1 done.

I still just have to laugh at what I have needed to get done in the past few years, because what else is there to do?? As I have had a few ops on my fingers lately I knew what to expect and once home it has been relatively easy to do most tasks, they just take longer.

Until this time.

From what the surgeon told me I have had the usual finger work done on my pointer, but the carpal tunnel involves going into the palm of my hand and wrist. I don't know what it looks like, but as the anaesthetic from yesterday has nearly worn off, the feeling is slowly returning, and it's not great I can tell you that much!! Let me be clear throughout this Readers, I'm not complaining about it, and as I started with, I now just laugh about it.

I was expecting things to be a tad more difficult to do, but not to this extent, and I'm discovering more by the minute what I can or can't do. It has been more of the mundane things we do that have peed me off the most. Remember my last post on 'Autopilot?' Where we do things without thinking? Well I never fully realised just how many things we do without even thinking, and I really mean WITHOUT thinking!! Good old muscle memory can be a real bitch at times. And please don't come at me with "Oh please, it's just a sore hand", I'm just taking a light hearted look at how it has caused me to really stop and focus on things that I never think twice about, that's all.

The shower was a bit of a circus act this morning. I got the freezer bag on my arm okay, but then manipulating the masking tape around it took some organising. I realised that I should have torn off a strip first because that's easier than trying to twirl the full roll around my arm. And then once in the shower it became clear that I mostly wash myself with my right hand. What happens to the bits I can't reach?? I have to keep my arm elevated and dry, so even with the bag on it I am so determined not to get it wet. It happened with one of my previous ops and caused a bit of damage, so this time it is NOT happening!! Firstly, how do I pump the body wash? I tried with one hand but couldn't pump and catch it in the same motion. So I tried pumping with the elbow on my bagged hand and it sort of worked. Then lathering up! Well at least most of the body got cleansed. 

Sorry if I'm creating disturbing mental pictures for you all!!!

Getting dry. Like me, do you basically follow the same ritual and pattern when drying yourself? If unsure, think about it when you dry yourself next. I'd automatically go to do one manoeuvre but then be quickly reminded by my body "Not today buddy!!" I'm definitely going to plan the next shower carefully so I can get it over and done with.

As if that didn't crap me off, then when I went to clean my teeth it became clear I needed to use my opposite hand. Once again all my muscle memory counted for nothing, and even when I'd finished there was this nagging feeling that I hadn't cleaned them well enough even though it took twice as long.

Doing the washing was easy enough, until it came to hanging it on the line. I know it's a relatively simple task, but as I can't grip anything with my hand yet I had to try and hold the washing on the line and peg it with the same hand.

I could just go on and on with boring detail about how I am doing things one handed, but that will be as tedious for me writing it as it would be for you reading it. That's if you are still reading now !!

In my last post I recall mentioning how I can tend to drop 'F-Bombs' on autopilot. Well, the past two days have seen me using my potty mouth as if it is my first language!!!

As I have been under the knife a bit over the years, and a few more coming, I have often been asked how many times in total I've been in for something. I sort of had an idea, but until I sat down and actually tallied them up I wasn't overly impressed or proud of what I came up with. Most have been due to the effects of sport. Whether that be collision injuries or just stress and overuse, they are all my own fault so I have no-one to blame except myself. But a few others are due to age, genetics and my own lack of coordination at times !!!

So this is a snapshot of the ones I can remember. Add to this a number of concussions playing football with two of them requiring stays in hospital. That probably explains my mental state and capabilities!!!! I haven't included my appendix operation from 18 months ago as I just consider that a bit of age wear and tear.

A friend sent me a message the other day joking that I must be trying to be the Six Million Dollar Man ( some of you younger than me might need to Google that one). We have always maintained our Health Insurance, even when money was tight, but boy have I needed it in the past few years. I have definitely made the most of it, counting myself extremely lucky to have it when so many others are unable to. If I had to fork out the cost from my own pocket it wouldn't be near the 6 million dollar mark, but I know the figure is relatively high to say the least.

While I might not be feeling on top of the world physically today, I just pinch myself when I look around at where I am. It is the most glorious day and I'm sitting outside in the yard writing this and listening to my favourite tunes. Life couldn't be much better than right now. I'm not much of a gardener, but things are green and they are growing, so that has to be a plus!

And to add to the enjoyment of the garden, I've been wandering around barefoot on the grass and just loving the softness of it between my toes. And while enjoying this, I soon discovered how soothing the cool grass was in the shade, but at the same time I was loving the warm feel of the grass in the sun. I must have looked like a proper dork stepping from shade to sun and back again multiple times trying to decide which one I preferred most. In the end I called it a truce. 

Well Readers, this is a very short and sharp post, mainly because it is slightly uncomfortable trying to type. I only really started it because I'm just sooooo bored being stuck at home for a few days, and just needed to do something to kill some time.

I'm starting a new book tomorrow so hopefully there will be some gems of inspiration in there to inspire my next post.

Until then,

Cheers 😁

The Best Things In The World

 The Best Things In The World

Hi Readers,

I was going to start the same way as most of my other posts, but after my most recent post on 'Autopilot' I know I just have to do something different!!

So straight into it.

I always get up super early and religiously do the rehab sessions that I now have to keep doing in response to the various surgeries that I have had, and to hopefully ward off future ones. Some days I bounce out of bed, other days I am as slow as an asthmatic snail!!

On these mornings I flip on the radio on my phone and listen for a while, and this morning they were having a discussion on what they felt were the best things in the world.

We're not talking about great inventions, tourist attractions etc here, just the simple pleasures in life that people just love no matter what. The uniqueness made them even more interesting to hear because what floated one person's boat might rate a zero for someone else and vice versa. And that's okay!

They weren't trying to have people competing against each other, just getting them to think about the simple things that mean so much to them. We might not give them a second thought when they occur, but only when we really stop and think about them do we really appreciate how much they add to our lives.

So Readers, I'm going to bore you to death with a few of the things that I think are the best in the world, and in no particular order. Why? Because often it matters when they actually occur. The context of when they happen often adds to the moment and makes me appreciate them more at the time. For example, I might hear a particular song and at the time just about disregard it or think "Yeah, good song". But when I hear the same song at a particular time it might just slap me in the face or leave me laughing or even crying, depending on the moment.

While preparing for this post I scribbled down just a few things to get me going, and the ideas just flooded in. As soon as I wrote one 'best thing' down, another would immediately pop into my head, then another. It's just amazing how our thinking gets so stimulated when we take the time to focus our thinking in a particular area.

No doubt many more will come to mind as I write this post.

Some of the things I mention might strike a chord with you, while others might leave you thinking that I am totally weird!!

Horses for courses I suppose, as no doubt you would have some unique ones yourselves. If so, I'd love to hear some in the comments box at the end of the post. You can even be anonymous!! Otherwise, stop and think about some of your own and try to appreciate why they are so memorable for you.

Here I go.

Whenever I mow the lawns, or turn on the sprinklers in hot weather, I get around 8-10 magpies pacing the lawn looking for food or just cooling off under the water. But the thing that I just LOVE is their warbling. Is there a more beautiful sound than a group of magpies warbling and filling your house with their tunes? I know they are a pain in the arse when the swoop you for a few months later in the year, but I'll accept this if they continue to visit and sing for me. And after mentioning this as one of my favourite sounds, a number of other ones have popped into my head. I warned you about this!!

One of my weekly chores is also one of the ones I hate most, but the payoff is always fantastic. Just changing the sheets on my bed for some reason is a task that just bugs me no end. There is no rational reason, and if I wanted to I could just leave them on my bed for weeks on. But would I? NO!!! I know that in recent years with a number of leg/shoulder/hand surgeries it has been a task that has resembled me doing a commando course and has been extremely difficult at times, but the moment I get under them for the first night after being changed is just pure bliss. I'm sure you too appreciate the freshness and crispness of fresh sheets on your bed! I'll be back in commando mode in the coming days as I'm having further surgery this week, more about that later.

Now this one has changed a bit for me over the past few years. We always bought jars of instant coffee (Yeah, I know, 'dirty instant!!') and we'd always want to be the one who opened the jar for the first time just so that we would be able to unscrew the lid and peel off the paper lid on the top and inhale that heavenly smell of the coffee for the first time. I'm sure that they must spray some 'fresh coffee smell' into the jar before sealing it, but that smell was always something to look forward to. I hardly experience that now, save for when I might go on holidays interstate or caravanning, as I rely on my coffee machine at home nowadays. Much better coffee, but I just don't get that coffee smell fix.

As I mentioned earlier, staying in bed under the doona listening to the radio for a few minutes before dragging myself out of bed is a sort of treat. But so too are those times when you wake up and instead of bouncing out, you just pull the doona up a bit more and snuggle up, knowing how much of a treat it really is. No rush to get up, no going back to sleep, just snuggling and enjoying the moment!!

Music. I just love it. 

Sometimes I'll hear a favourite song and think "Meh!" But other times I'll hear the same song at a different time and it can leave me rolling in laughter or just shedding a few tears. It all depends on the time and how I might be feeling when or where I hear it.

There are a few songs in particular that always seem to stop me immediately as they evoke memories of a certain person or a certain time, and all I want to do is stop and remember that person or place while the song plays. Or it just might be a few lines of a song. I know I made the mistake once when a particular song came on in the car and I mentioned to Jen how much I hated it. There aren't too many songs that I'd turn off, but this was one of them. You guessed it. Whenever that song came on Jen would never let me turn it down or off, and she insisted on singing along with it with great gusto. I never knew if she liked it or not, but I'm convinced she relished every opportunity to make me suffer through it whenever it came on.

And although not 'Swifties', a few years ago Jen and I did this very poor rendition of one of Taylor Swift's songs to send to our beautiful niece and God daughter when we heard it come on the radio in the car. It's one of those songs that whenever I hear it I don't really like it, but it brings back just some precious memories of the fun we had doing it and the fun we always had together.

Becoming Grandparents over the past few years has brought back so many memories and created even so many more. One of the first is one of the best smells I have ever come across, the smell on the head of a newborn baby. It is just a soft and calming smell, something that I can almost smell right now just thinking about it. It's almost a smell of love.❤️ How ironic though that at the other end they have this propensity to create smells of another nature that one would not go searching for at all!!! 💩

And speaking of babies/toddlers/grandchildren, is there a greater sound than that of them laughing? Not just a giggle, but that hearty laugh that just propels happiness and fun? The fact that they will do this for the most ridiculous of things just blows my mind, and is a reminder how much we take things too seriously as we get older.

I couldn't even tell you what Henry was laughing about, but this photo never fails to make me smile.

Pop's 'Spider Walks' probably add to my sore spots, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!!

The simple things are sometimes the greatest things.

I have been so lucky to experience this many times with our grandsons and is something that I always cherish when I am with them.

Something that I alluded to earlier (surgeries) is also an area that also leads me to identify one of the things that I think is the best in the world, in a strange sort of way.

Let's rule out for a start why I need them, because that's as exciting as looking at dirt!

As I contemplate my next cut and paste this Friday, I'm not looking forward to the lengthy waiting, checkups, pre-surgery visits from the different specialists, the waking up and subsequent recovery and rehab. But the one thing that I think is sensational is that restful bliss as the anaesthetic starts and slowly kicks in. How I wish going to sleep each night was that good!!! Every time I try to fight it, all to no avail, but I have always found it to be one of the most peaceful experiences ever. I suppose with all the good, there is also something not so good, so the pleasure is balanced by how crappy I always feel after waking up, but I'll still put up with it just to get that initial bliss!!

One of our sons has had this most beautiful Golden Retriever for about 6 years named Zion. When he was a pup he lived at our house for a few weeks and I'd spend hours with him on my lap patting him and letting him sleep on me as I rocked in a swinging chair. 

Jen and I hadn't had a pet since our own Border Collie had to be put down a few years earlier, and we decided not to replace her as we had decided on commencing all of our travels. So having Zion here for a while sort of filled the void.

I began to find that just the simple act of having a pup on your lap meant that you just had to stop everything, which was hard for me at first as I tended to be always up and about. Talk about being taught to be calm!!!

At the time I just thought that I was enjoying the company of a dog again and helping Will look after him while he was at work. Little did I realise that over subsequent years, every time when I'd go to visit him in Qld Zion wold always come up and greet me warmly. Just this weekend gone I was down in Torquay visiting and when Zion saw me he just comes up and snuggles me. I don't need to calm him down or anything, or try to reacquaint myself, it's just like he hasn't forgotten me, and he'll always do whatever I ask him to. That's also due to the fact that Will has trained him so well and looks after him beautifully.

And despite this, I'm still not getting another pet even though so many have advised me to, I just don't want to get restricted by having one at a point in my life when I will be travelling a lot.

In recent years I discovered another one of the best things I've discovered in life, meeting your kids overseas. I have touched on this in recent posts and the excitement and anticipation of catching up with your kids in another country after not having seen them for such a long time has always remained as one of the greatest memories and feelings.  

I particularly remember arranging to meet Sam at the very crowded Borough Market in London, and to finally see him weaving through the crowd after waiting for so long just filled my heart that day, especially as I was travelling on my own on that trip. The same applies when your kids come home after a few years away, there is just something that makes you feel that your family is complete again.

Will comes home after a few years in Canada 

Meeting up with Sam in London

While meeting them overseas is such a joy, the opposite also applies when it's time to say goodbye. We never found that part easy no matter how many times we did it.

And speaking of the best things in the world also having a sort of downside, there is one in particular that although it brings me the greatest joy, it also leaves me feeling exactly the opposite as soon as it is over. This is my weekly visit to Jen's grave at the cemetery just down the road from where our house is. 

I spend much of my week just looking forward to going up to spend time with her and cherish the time while I am there, and already start looking forward to the next visit.

However, the moment I start to leave the joy and happiness is quickly replaced by a feeling of dread and heaviness that takes a little while to abate. It's what I call the best and worst time of my entire week, but I won't change it for anything. This is also a time when some of the songs that I spoke about earlier are so important to me as I play them softly while I'm there. If I hear them later on during the week the impact isn't as great even though I still love them just as much.

Just another example of such little things being the best things in the world to me. They might not register with anyone else, but they suit me. I'm sure you might be thinking of similar instances of your own.

Let me jazz up the tone a bit more after those rather personal examples!!

Have you ever read a book and slammed it shut as you finish the last page? Like a triumphant celebration of how much you enjoyed what you have read? Then, like me, have you just sat and reflected for a minute or so about the book before you do anything else? That for me is one of the joyful moments from reading a book. I just can't finish a book, put it down and then go and do something, I really need those few moments thinking about it straight after I finish it, and that time is one of the best things in the world for me.

I've used this image a number of times, I never get sick of it!!

Yesterday I was mowing and trimming our lawns as I need to get a lot of things done in the yard before my wrist and finger surgery on Friday. The day was glorious and the smells coming from the freshly mown grass were just beautiful. You've experienced similar? I even found myself going back out to the bin later in the day for an extra sniff of the grass clippings!!

And just as good as it smells when you mow it, how about the softness at this time of the year? Over Summer our lawn might have been green, but at times it felt like walking over green toothpicks due to it becoming so coarse. All better now!!

Then I mustn't forget to mention the simplicity of the smell of the lawn just after rain on a hot day - divine!

And speaking of rain, the smell that comes before a big storm on a hot day. In Winter that smell just isn't there, but the smells that accompany Summer storms are ones that I'll always love,

Well Readers, I'll save one of my best for last.

Hugs.

I know we all give out hugs here and there, but sometimes don't you just get that hug that holds you? Not the random quick hug, not much in it, but still appreciated, but the hug that makes you feel safe, welcomed, appreciated and loved. It doesn't have to linger, but it's enough to make you feel this way.

I feel that it is only over the past 10-15 years or so that it has become okay for men to hug, or that's how it feels in the circles that I operate in. Men might greet with a handshake, but nowadays it is more acceptable to attach a hug to it and I'm fine with that. Obviously you pick your targets, I don't hug strangers who I've just met, but for those nearest and dearest to me, they can expect one. Sometimes all the time, other times depend on the moment, we just weigh things up at the time.

Readers, just as this post has been all about celebrating those minor things that mean the world to us, I hope it has stirred you to reflect on similar things in your own lives that you may often take for granted but in fact are the things that add to your lives. I could have banged on for hours on this for as soon as I write about one thing, it prompts me about another. Eg I'm about to do a bike session in the shed and already I'm looking forward to the Zooper Dooper when I'm finished that feels just so good cooling me down. Maybe that's another story for another day.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Autopilot

Hi Readers,

Another extended gap between posts, but isn't that how I always start/ No excuse, and if there was, what's the point?

Since I retired at the end of 2024 I realised that my days for so many years had been so structured and organised, and that I generally would know what I'd most likely be doing at most times of every day. There would be work commitments, family commitments and personal commitments that usually didn't change all that much from day to day and year to year. You could say that I was generally living on autopilot.

Even for most of last year I was still living in 'teaching time' despite the fact that I had retired from teaching. I had my diary still filled in marking the school terms and weeks of each term. That was handy when travelling as I'd avoid school holidays. But it also gave me a bit of a bearing as to what part of the year it was much more than just the calendar dates. It was hard to break the habits of 38 years!!

It was only towards the end of the year that I started to think in terms of calendar dates rather than school dates, and this year I found that I have needed to go and check what school week it is instead of automatically knowing it. For example, at any stage of the year I'd know how many weeks until the next holidays, whereas now I have no clue. I still have the school terms and weeks marked in my diary and calendar only because I have been doing some CRT work and need to know when school is happening, and I can plan my travels and upcoming surgeries around it.

As I begin to question whether or not to continue with CRT work I'm wondering if I'll still need my diary as much, something that I have had within arms reach for more years than I can remember.  I sound like a real luddite here don't I?!!! 

I do use the Google calendar on my phone, but when given the choice between the two my default is to go straight to my little black diary!!! That's my autopilot choice, something I just do without thinking as it is a behaviour that has become so ingrained.

So this has got me thinking about all the other things that we do or say on 'autopilot' without even being aware of it.

This was prompted by something I read in a book the other day.

It related to a story about a baby elephant that had been tied to a pole since it was so young in one of those elephant riding places in Asia. At first it would try to break free, but over time realised the futility of trying to do so. By the time it became an adult and was still being tied to the pole it no longer made attempts to try and break free even though it was clearly strong enough todo so and could snap the rope in an instant. It had learnt not to try!!

This is what I feel we become like with so many things in life. We become just so accustomed to things always happening the same way that we just don't consider trying something else, or trying them differently. When I considered all the things I do I was pretty shocked to see all the other ways they could be done, and in many ways the alternatives were much better!!

Readers, I'm not suggesting that what we usually do is wrong, far from it. But what I'm suggesting is that by tweaking them just a bit from time to time can be humorous, liberating and also life giving in many cases.

Let's start with something that happens so many times each day that we just become blase about it.

You rock up to work, a colleague walks past and says "Hi, how are you today?". 

Our usual reaction is something like "Good thanks, how are you?" and we both move on without really saying much more than that. How many times a day does this happen to you? Do you remember each one of these interactions?

So, why not live on the edge a bit from time to time and reply with something different and unexpected? Stray from your usual 'autopilot' response?

"Great! I finally perfected my coffee from our new machine this morning"

or

"I'm excited about the new lunch I am trying today"

or

"Disappointed that a bird shat on my shirt on the clothesline!"

When we respond with an unexpected reply it could generate a quick discussion with that person that might just perk us both up for the rest of the day. It might result in a laugh, a high five or a sympathetic moan or pat on the shoulder. Who knows?

But pick your targets!! I recall one colleague who, when asked "How are you today?" would then regale us in great detail about her current diarrhoea, or flatulence, or complain about her husband or another staff member. Whenever asked, she would reply with a tale of woe, and it got to the point where we would rarely if ever ask how she was. Even if we have these problems, they are generally not the sort of replies we are searching for when we greet someone. Maybe talk about them in private at a more opportune time, but try not to kill a cheerful greeting!!!

I know from experience what replies I'll generally get from certain people, but the ones who I actively seek out to greet are the ones who do not have an 'autopilot' response and always have something interesting or humorous to say when I greet them.

A bad habit of mine when I'm around the house on my own is my potty mouth!!! (Some might say it's when I'm out of the house too!!)

By this I mean that when something just doesn't go right I tend to drop the 'F-Bomb' quite freely. There is no-one else to hear it, just me, and as soon as I say it I think to myself "Why did you just say that???" It might be my response to the simplest of things, like dropping a spoon, spilling something on the bench, sitting down and then remembering I've left something on the other side of the room etc. They are the most pathetic things, yet I seem to feel they are worthy of receiving an F-Bomb despite the fact that it just won't change a thing. It is a serious autopilot offence of mine.

 I just did it now Readers.

Yesterday I sold a car and just now I got a reply from someone who messaged me 4 days ago about a price for it and they hadn't responded to my reply. They just responded now with an offer that was better than what I sold the car for. Not a great difference, but enough for me to let an F-Bomb rip 🤬 And who heard it? Just me!!!

I'll also be out in the garden and the flies will be bothering me, or I prick myself on the roses and I'll let one slip. Then I just stop and listen and hope the neighbours haven't heard me!

I have to be more aware that I do this as I feel that the day will come when I'll just let one out in public!!!!! 

My 'autopilot' often starts the day, and that's okay. There are just some things that I don't want to change as they set me up for the day. I'm always an early bird and get up super early and do my rehab exercises for the various body parts that have been mended over the past few years. That won't change. 

Lately though I've been thinking that I practically have the same thing for breakfast nearly every day without fail. BORING!!!

So this week I have been mixing it up and actually trying different things. Just as easy to prepare as my usuals, but just different. It's amazing how it has changed my approach to the rest of the day and it encourages me to try other things differently too.

Not big changes, just subtle ones that have had big results.

Usually when I go out for dinner or have a meal at a pub, I always look at the menu with the intention of trying something new, but always go back to the usual safe option that I always choose. This year however I have broken the shackles and actually tried something different each time I have dined out. The first time I switched off the autopilot I was as cagey as anything, but very satisfied afterwards. I was still nervous the next time, but as I do it more often I am enjoying the experiences so much more.

I'm doing a similar thing at home, and instead of just rotating the same meals as I have been doing since becoming single again, I have been going through some of our old recipes that we'd use and exploring new ones. It is quite liberating and instead of cooking being mundane, it tends to be a tad more exciting.

I have so much time on my hands at the moment and it is a very easy trap to fall into not doing much at all some days. I realise that this is not good for me and that I need to find other things to add to my days.

Recently I rediscovered the enjoyment of writing letters by hand, and although the physical act of doing this is quite difficult at the moment due to some ailments I'm having with both hands, I'm loving revisiting the experience. Unfortunately, the reason why I started doing this was to reach out to a friend whose health is ailing and his time with us is decreasing. It would be so much easier to type an email or letter and print and send it, but the actual act of handwriting it makes me feel so much more connected to this friend. The time spent doing the writing gives me more time to think about our friendship and what he must be going through, and provides a more personal touch as he is unable to take visitors, save for his family. Imagine my surprise when a 6 page handwritten letter arrived from him this week. Talk about humbling! I never expected him to do this and he way that he expressed what he was enduring brought tears for sure. If it was typed it would have been just as good, but the fact that he had taken the time to write it really touched me deeply. And it also reinforced to me the importance of allowing yourself to be vulnerable, which he did in spades.

In my past two letters to him, handwritten of course, I used a number of different coloured pens. Why? A few days previously I was having a FaceTime call with one of our Grandsons overseas. He was drawing a picture of me and showing it to me and I commented on all the colours he was using. His response? "Pop, colours are what we are!"

This really got me thinking, which is why i used colours when writing to my friend, as I used colours that matched how I was feeling about what I was writing about. I explained this to my friend and I'm sure he understood.

That's why I now keep a batch of coloured pens on my bench, and when I scribble down notes during the day I try to choose a colour that suits my mood at the time. Later on when I check the notes I often wonder why I chose that colour at that time, and it has been a great way to revisit how I might be feeling throughout the day.

So when visitors come to our house they might now understand why one person needs a cup of 20 pens next to the pad on his kitchen bench!!

My exercise routines are generally becoming limited to indoors lately. I've had to stop kayaking due to the condition of my hands, hopefully the first operation next week will go some way to fixing this. Although I can ride my bike on the roads, I'm still not confident enough with getting my feet out of the cleats quickly enough due to the surgeries on my ankles. So I ride my bike on the rollers in the shed and watch trashy tv. I always watch the same programs mindlessly.

Riding on autopilot. 🥱 But over the past two weeks I have actively looked for newer things to watch in order to stimulate the mind a bit more. And hasn't it worked!!

I'm so much more motivated and as a result my times and efforts have improved markedly. I must admit I'm more knackered as I'm pushing myself harder but I'm enjoying it so much more and actively looking forward to each session. I never knew just how much there is to watch on YouTube and I'm continually finding new content that engages me.

Well Readers, 

I could bang on and on about all the other times when I hit the 'autopilot' button, but that's about as exciting as rubber lips on a woodpecker!!

Have a think about your 'autopilot' moments. How will you respond next time someone greets you? Why not wear odd socks tomorrow? Buy a new spread for your toast? Drive to work a different way? Try a new tv program? Find a word to replace your F-Bomb!!!!!!

I'm heading out now to buy some groceries, and instead of going automatically to the same things in the usual aisles, I'm going to actively look for something new and different just to prove it can be done. I actually made some pasties and slow cooked chow mein earlier this week. Although the pasties resembled something like the plasticene that we used back in the day in primary school, they still tasted magnificent!!

The autopilot is off for as much as I can for the rest of the day, let's see if I stay sane.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁