Rain and Rainbows

Hi Readers,

Like most of the world I was saddened last week to hear of the death of Dolly Parton. I wouldn't classify myself as one of her fans or devotees, but I liked most of what she put out. And like most of you I presume, I learnt so much about her in the following days that just amazed me and showed a side of her that I just never knew. She certainly has left a lasting legacy.

While out walking to the bus stop a few days ago (my transport these days!) I heard her talking in an interview and she said something that really struck a chord with me, hence the title of this post.

She was talking about her tough upbringing, and I don't mean emotionally tough, it was just that she was one of twelve kids who lived in a two bedroom house that was still full of love despite the difficult conditions. From this she then went on to explain that she was so fortunate to have achieved what she had in life, and that in our lives you just don't get rainbows without the rain.

In other words, we have to take the bad with the good and that sometimes our 'rainbows' only really occur due to the 'rain'.

Warning!!!   Vulnerability Alert!! Do not continue reading if you get annoyed by people being very open and honest about feelings!!

Which got me thinking.

We all have experienced bad times in our lives, or periods of rain. Have we ever stopped to think how that might have changed us for the better? I'm not suggesting that every bad experience will result in something good later on, often it doesn't. But what I'm thinking about is that we often learn something about ourselves during these times that perhaps might just help us to be better in just the smallest of ways. Depending on the seriousness of our 'rain' looking for that elusive rainbow might seem harder than we think, or it might not be obvious for a long period of time.

For example, as I've said in previous posts, I have had a few surgeries of late. It is just coming up to 4 weeks since I had my shoulder reco and boy have I had to search for my rainbows after this little bit of rain.

Being my dominant arm, I just wasn't prepared enough for how much it would affect me. Just the smallest of tasks would not be possible, or hurt like hell to try and do anyway. This recovery has laid me up so much more than any of the ankle, knee, hand and finger surgeries I've had lately. I've been in a sling for 4 weeks and no driving. Two more weeks of this to go. So many little things that I take for granted, like getting dressed, putting on my socks, drying off after a shower, cooking, cutting up my dinner, buttering bread/toast etc. Not complaining at all, just getting so frustrated at not being able to do the simplest of tasks that we otherwise do without thinking. I just have to laugh at it at times!!

Okay, that's a little bit of my rain. 

My Rainbows?

Because I don't like to ask anyone for help with rides etc as I just hate being a burden, I now walk to the bus stop and ride the buses into town and home again if I need to get things. I could do the same to the local supermarket, but as it's only a 25 minute walk I just do it and enjoy listening to music/podcasts/talkback on these walks. There has only been one of these trips that sort of didn't have a rainbow as it was actually pouring rain when I walked down to the supermarket as I had run out of some medication. But now that I think of it, I didn't really mind that I was getting soaked despite the umbrella. Once you're wet you can't really get any wetter right??? 

That was a case of experiencing the actual rain and rainbow, then being able to use it as an analogy.

And while on the topic of walking, something that I swore I would never get into when I was able to run a lot, I now look forward to getting out and about as it is my only form of exercise I can do at the moment. And dropping a few kg's has also added colour to my rainbow!!!

On a more serious and personal note, 4 years ago I didn't just get rain, I got the whole friggin hurricane! This was when Jen got sick and we lost her. I still try and search for rainbows throughout and since this, and I feel incredibly guilty trying to find any sort of positive about it. How can I possibly feel that anything good happened as a result of this???

By the same token, Jen would slap me now if she thought I was wallowing in self pity so I just have to search for anything that I have gained since this all happened and what I have learnt from the ordeal. And as I write this I still feel uneasy about recognising how her legacy helps me to find my way forward. 

Readers, I really struggled to explain myself here, I hope you can sort of understand!!

After writing this last piece I had a major episode of writer's block. I just didn't know what to write. Usually the words come freely, but I'm struggling somewhat with this post today. 

In previous posts  I have spoken about how hard it can be to express one's vulnerability, but at the same time it can be incredibly liberating, so I'll push on.

No sooner did I close the laptop and I get a message from a dear friend who asked if a visit was on the cards? For sure, I've been doing diddly squat here for nearly 4 weeks as I can't drive anywhere, so a visit would be great. Well this very quickly became a rainbow, as I was able to express the feelings I was having trying to write this post, and how I was experiencing guilt at trying to find the smallest of positives in it. This friend did just the best thing. Listened. There may have been some advice, but I honestly can't recall it, there was just intent listening as I was able to get some things off my chest.

Would I have been so open in previous years? Absolutely not. Since Jen's ordeal I have learnt that it is okay to express your feelings openly and try not to bottle them up. I've only been able or prepared to slightly open this bottle as I still have things that I witnessed and experienced that I can't bring myself to share. For the time being.

But to have someone really listen, and not judge or try and come up with a solution this morning was a massive rainbow for me. 

Then as if the morning could not have been any better, I get a phone call from an ex colleague who I worked with until just 2-3 years ago. He wanted to come around for a visit and bring another ex colleague who also recently left the school to take up a promotion elsewhere. Both are the absolute real deal when it comes to living and breathing the RUOK principle and supporting and promoting men's health. What stands out also is that they are probably half my age, and not only do they reach out to me, I love what they bring to the equation too.

When I first went back to work after losing Jen, these two just had that instinct to know when to drop by for a chat or just check in with me. We might only talk about superficial things like footy or sport, but I really could see that they were checking in to ensure that I was travelling okay. I'll never forget how much that meant to me at the time. In the past I would have dismissed all of this, but in the past 4 years I have learnt to value these experiences and to see them for what they are, people looking after other people. It also reinforced the importance of accepting one's vulnerability.

Sorry for banging on about that again, but if there is a massive rainbow since the loss of Jen, that would be it. It allows me to express my feelings without ridicule, and if someone wants to have a crack at me about it, bring it on as I don't actually care!!

So this morning I went from total writer's block as I just couldn't get out the words to explain what I was trying to say, to having visits from some people who have been just amazing in helping me to find my way again. As soon as they left I just couldn't get back on the keyboard fast enough. Whether I have been successful in expressing this clearly enough is up to you to decide!

If there is one thing that I've learnt over the past 4 years it has been to appreciate people a lot more rather than appreciate what they do. To explain this, I found that often I'd only thank people for what they might have done for me, whereas nowadays I tend to appreciate them for who they are and not just what they get done. I'd often say things like "Thanks, I appreciate that" but now it is "Thanks, I appreciate you". It took a while to get used to saying this as often I'd get strange looks and have to explain myself, but usually I'd only have to do this once as they'd understand it straight away.

Go and try it Readers and see what response you get!!

Readers, I was going to apologise for writing about some rather personal feelings today, but then I just thought "You want to write it, they don't have to like it", so if you are still with me, then I appreciate you!!

Additionally, I just hope that I've prompted some thoughts within you about some of your own Rain and Rainbow moments. I'd hate for you to dredge up memories you'd rather avoid, but like me, have they in some way helped you to become better in just some small way? And I'm sure that in some way it is okay to identify these despite any feelings of guilt you may experience.

Let's lighten the mood a bit.

Any Ted Lasso fans out there?

Each Wednesday I must check 10-15 times to see if the latest episode has dropped, I'm a total Ted Lasso nutcase!!! Yes it is funny, also sad, but this is one of two shows that has had the most impact on me that I can remember. The other is the Ricky Gervais series "After Life". If you have watched this you'll understand why this resonates with me so much. Two series that I could watch and then start from episode 1 all over again.

Anyway, this latest series of Ted Lasso is just as good as the others and what strikes me is that it is not necessarily a show about a soccer team, it is about relationships and understanding the frailties of ourselves and others and how to treat others.

Powerful messages constantly.

I could bang on in each post about a Ted Lasso message (Hey, that's an idea!!) but I'll spare you with just one that I got this morning.

In the opening credits it shows Ted sitting in a sea of blue seats, and his is red. Just one red seat.

     

Then a few more seats turn red

Then by the end of the credits we see that gradually a lot more seats turn red. Not instantly, just gradually, emanating out from where Ted is.

And we end up with the red seats spelling out his name.

As I said earlier, it's not a show about a soccer team, it's more than that. This opening scene is all about the change that Ted is able to enact, and that change can be incredibly difficult at times. Change has to start somewhere, and in this case it starts from Ted, one piece at a time, and not every chair will change or respond to it. 

So what does this have to do with Rain and Rainbows?

Sometimes in order to implement change you may need to change yourself too. Experiencing your own rainbows could be some of these changes. I know that the teacher I was in 2021 is not the teacher I finished up as in 2024. Things happened that totally changed how I saw things, and things that might have really bugged me in 2021 were irrelevant when I came back to teaching a year later. In my mind I began to see more clearly what I felt was more important, I felt I became more patient with the kids and as a result my last two years were probably the most enjoyable years of my whole career. But by then I knew I was cooked too. Without really knowing it, as I look back I think that I was like Ted sitting in the stands, trying to implement changes with the kids gradually and not getting fussed if some weren't coming along for the ride. Everything was above board of course, it was just in the way that I was hoping that they could treat each other and think about themselves more positively.

Well Readers, I did warn you at the start that there was going to be a bit of honesty about this post, so I hope that I haven't put you off continuing to follow me. As always, feel free to leave a comment in the 'Comment' tab below, you can be anonymous and I love any feedback.

I hope your week doesn't have too much 'rain', and that you take the time to sit back and acknowledge your own 'rainbows'. I'm sure you'll feel a little better about yourself.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁. 🌧️ 🌈

 1000 Days or 1 Week?

Hi Readers,

A very bleak day here so what better thing to do than bang out a post?

Added to this, I've been pretty much housebound for the past fortnight after my shoulder operation. Originally I thought that I'd only be in a sling for a week at the most, but as things turned out I needed a few more things fixed than anticipated and had a reco, so now I'm in a sling for 6 weeks and no driving for 6 weeks. Hence, I'm very much stuck at home for a while. Last week I managed to strap it up tightly and got out for a few walks, and this week I've worked out how to do a session walking on the treadmill, so at least I can still feed my exercise addiction!! The past two days I even managed to work out the local bus system and took myself into town to check out a few things. In 26 years of living in Bendigo this has been the first time I've ridden the buses, save for a trip last year when I caught the bus into hospital for a previous operation that I was getting done.

One thing that really struck me yesterday was the complete disrespect some other travellers have for the bus- feet on the seats, leaving food wrappings on the floor etc. It took all of my patience to not have a crack at them!!!

Also, earlier this week it was my birthday, a day that I generally don't pay much attention to anymore, but others do. I don't seek this attention, but I do appreciate the best wishes offered. I was not planning to do much at all, save for maybe ordering in something nice for dinner, but two very close friends told me they were bringing some pizza and drinks around for a catch up, so that was a great way to end the day.

Nat and Nev even supplied the Birthday Cake!!

Anyway, enough of that self indulgence and now to the point of this post.

Once again it has been inspired by something I read last week that has been nagging at me since. 

I don't know if you are like me sometimes and you find it hard to remember what you had for dinner last night or what you just did an hour ago.

But for some reason you can remember with great detail things that you did 1000 days ago, or even longer!!

This really got me thinking, and I think that the reason I can remember things I did so long ago are because of the way that they impacted on me at the time, or further down the track.

Have I touched a chord with you?

I taught for 38 years, and sometimes I really have to stop and think about where I was teaching in certain years, but at the same time I can recall with acute clarity different things that happened at different times. What year they occurred is irrelevant, but what actually happened is something that hasn't faded with time.

For example, an incident that I'm sure I've shared a number of times. 

I was teaching a junior class may years ago and we were making ice cream as part of a maths lesson. This young girl in the class came up to me all excited and says "Mr K, the numbers all make sense to me now!!"

That was the one moment that completely changed the focus of my teaching career and taught me the importance of trying to make learning meaningful, relevant and enjoyable, a mantra that I carried with me right up until my retirement nearly two years ago, and even now as I continue to do relief teaching. It forged my passion for the teaching and learning of maths, but I must admit that some of the changes recently adopted in the way the curriculum is delivered would not allow me to teach in the way that I always had, so maybe I would not have lasted much longer anyway. I'm not having a crack at this new process, it just doesn't align with what I believe in, and that's okay! 

During my teens, 20's and 30's I played a lot of football, at different clubs and in different towns and cities. Some seasons have been totally forgettable, and even with some of my most successful seasons there may only be a few really significant moments that remain crystal clear.

I remember over a period of 2-3 years I had this regular opponent who played for Hepburn while I was playing for Buninyong. Both teams were pretty much top of the table in that time and each time we played each other there was usually a fair bit of bad blood. Hepburn did have a bit of a reputation for playing it rough, so maybe we took them on a bit, who knows?

Anyway, this bloke, and I'll only use his first name Bevan, always seemed to relish trying to get under my skin. I can still vividly remember his face, but the one thing that sticks in my mind was that he always played with his socks pulled up really high and his shorts looked like they had been painted on. In one game in particular, even before the ball was bounced he started pushing and shoving as was common, but next minute he has me in a massive headlock. I hadn't even acknowledged him or said anything to him, but he was ready to hurt me as soon as he could. As he was a lot bigger than me I knew I couldn't beat him physically, so I decided to mess with his mind.

When the ball was away from us I'd be saying things to him like "Hey Bevan, how come you're wearing little boys shorts, did you leave the adult ones at home?" Or "Bev, are you playing in the Little League at half time because I can see you're wearing the Little League uniform". This really got to him, as soon he was pushing his socks down, albeit only a little bit at the time. And he kept pulling at his shorts, as if trying to stretch them and make them look a little bigger. I also told a few team mates to give him some lip about his tight shorts and socks, and that tucking in his jumper made him look like a doll, and this  really messed with him. I think we lost that game, but at the end as we were walking off, instead of shaking hands he just hissed at me something like "Next time you are going to wish you'd never lived!!" 

I can't recall what the next game was like , but I remember this game for how successfully I got into his head and resulted in him playing really badly. I still don't know how I played, but I clearly remember how much I upset him!! 

That was about 38 years ago, but I remember it like it was last week.

Back in the day I would run and run and run. I was totally hooked on it and loved it so much, which is probably why I just miss it so much. So over more than 40 years of training and competing, and just doing it for fun I can barely remember much about each session. That would be impossible I know.

But specific moments stand out for different reasons. The dates I am unsure of, but I can only guess roughly when these things occurred as they involved one of the boys, or a specific place.

For example, long before they became trendy, I had a 3 wheeler running pram when we lived in Ballarat back in the 90's. Before I had this I had an old pram frame with a plastic seat from an old school chair screwed into place. I'd take the boys for long runs in this pram, they loved it, I loved it and it also gave Jen an hour or so of peace  by having me and one of the boys out of the house. Usually the boys either slept or just looked around, and just had the occasional bit of babble. But on one run in particular, for no reason, Sam would just not shut up!!! It was question after question, and as I was getting fatigued and trying to talk and run at the same time, he comes up with this gem..."Dad, why are you puffing so much?" I can still clearly remember where we were when he asked this question, running up a hill in Norman St in Ballarat, and I also remember a black car was in front of us. Why do I remember such detail? Probably because the moment just cracked me up and just stayed with me. I was doing what I loved with someone I loved and these are the moments in life that count. I can barely remember when I last ran, but this moment more than 40 years ago is still indelibly etched in my mind.

This other running experience, among countless others remains with me for a totally different reason. Most experiences stayed with me for the joy they brought me, the lessons learned, the challenges faced or the people I was with. Like most experiences, often what happens becomes blurred over time, but how it made us feel stays with us forever.

This time I was running through a thick bush setting, and I can't remember if it was in Bendigo or Ballarat. I was on a thin bush track, still wide enough for cars to access, but I was quite a few km's from any nearby houses. As I was running along, for some reason something made me stop and take into account of my surroundings. To this day I still don't know why I did this, and even now as I recall this moment I'm getting tense thinking about it. I stopped and just looked carefully around me, and suddenly I see a man standing under a tree to my left about 50 metres away. There was nothing else near him, no car or anything.    

This really startled me, so I gave a meek wave to which he didn't respond to. Then he began walking towards me, so I took off as fast as I could. A minute or two later I turned to look behind me and I could see him standing in the middle of the track just staring at me.

I just couldn't understand why he was there in the first place. At least I was using the area to go for a run. His presence really got to me.

 Readers, I was never much of a fast runner, but I can assure you that I got out of there in record time!! And it was a long, long time before I ever went running in that area again

Such a long time ago, but it still feels like last week. Or just now!!!

Just like I loved running, I had to find something else to feed my addiction once the legs gave out, so last year I started kayaking. This was all new to me, but since retiring I was able to find loads of time to teach myself all about it. So many things to master, like what equipment was needed, stroke technique, lake etiquette (wow, did I learn some things there!!) etc.

It wasn't until a few months of doing this until one warm morning I was out on the lake in Bendigo and I felt this amazing sense of contentment. I usually felt good when I was out paddling, but on this day at this moment I just came to the realisation, "How lucky are you?!"

Most days I'd be fussing and farting about whether I had all my gear, would the body hold up, would the old cranky guy chase me again and tell me how I could be doing it better, would I meet my targets etc.

When I took this photo I was really feeling the burn as the lactic acid built up in the shoulders, and instead of moaning about feeling fatigued, I was actually embracing the burn! Is that addiction or what!!!

I realise I don't look very happy in this shot, but in reality I couldn't have been happier!!!!

As I said earlier, there are times when I can't even remember the year that something may have happened. I have to backtrack and try find other things that may have happened at the same time to help give me some sort of chronological bearing. When I hear people relaying stories and they can pinpoint the year immediately I am just dumbfounded.

However, the day that Jen told me that the doctors were thinking that she had Leukaemia will stay with me forever. I can still recall the room at the hospital, the look on her face and the tone of her voice. Even the total emptiness and helplessness as they bundled her into the ambulance to take her to Melbourne immediately, and how I felt walking out of the hospital and wondering "What the F$%K do I do now?"

As you could expect, the next ten months are permanently etched in my mind as that was what my life was consumed by for that time. Various meetings with doctors where her status was very bluntly explained to witnessing her treatment are memories that I am convinced will not fade with time. I've never felt as lonely as I did after some of those meetings as I trudged back to my nearby accommodation. 

I'm sure that we took hundreds of photos on all our overseas travels, but I can still recall everything about this one. It was on a train in Italy. I was trying to catch Jen asleep and she woke just as I took it, spoiling my fun. It was an ongoing joke we had, always trying to catch the other asleep in public. But what made it eternally special is how it captured everything about her.♥️

The following two years back working don't provide me with any memories that I feel will stick with me at all, those two years remain a bit of a blur. 

It seems that the memories that remain with us aren't always great ones, and as much as we'd like to forget so many things the opposite applies.

I hear you saying that we just don't get to pick and choose what things will stay with us, but it reinforces that the things that do stay with us are most likely the moments that shape our lives. 

So what things can you recall from long ago that feel like they happened just last week? 

I hope I'm not prompting less than enjoyable memories, which will probably be inevitable, but perhaps you too might have some similar "Bevan moments!" 

I hope so.

So Readers, while I sit back now smugly recalling how I gave Bevan my best insults about his tight shorts and pat myself on the back for trying to make him feel so embarrassed, on the other side of the coin I keep thinking of the times when I could have, or should have done things differently in order for a better outcome.

While I sit here watching the rain outside, I can't help but thinking that some of my next indelible memories may be just around the corner. I don't think that the few party pies I just demolished will be up there, even though they made me feel temporarily satisfied. Maybe in a few weeks when I can get driving again could be the catalyst for creating more of these memories? 

Time will tell.

I had a brilliant quote that I read yesterday that I was hoping to weave into this post, but I might just use it as the prompt for my next post instead.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 People Are Amazing !

Hi Readers,

Not sure how long this post will be as I have been in hospital again this week for a shoulder operation and the physical act of typing is quite painful, so I'll just see how I go.

More about that later.

Now, about the topic of this post.

Over the past week I have been involved in two events that have just reinforced my faith in people. I know that we can all have experiences where people piss us off a bit, and I have also experienced that in the past week, but overall, my week has been nothing but brilliant experiences with people.

From 1978-1981 I attended Boarding School at Assumption College in Kilmore. The mates I made there have been people that I have stayed in touch with over the years, even more over the past 10-15 years as we enter the later stages of our lives.

We have had a few reunions since we parted ways in 1981, but it has been in the past few years in particular that we have started to value these catch ups a lot more. Earlier this year a couple of the boys asked me if I could get another reunion organised as it has been 45 years since we were all together. As I was retired I definitely had the time on my hands to do this, and in just a few weeks a time and venue was organised.

Given that many of these friends now lived across Australia and most still had various work commitments, it was great to see around 30 managed to pop in for a few hours last Saturday at a pub in Melbourne.

It's one thing to stay in touch via phone calls, texts and social media, but to have that physical connection once again really hit home again. Just that very personal connection brought back so many memories. 

I tried to do the right thing and be the first one there since I was the organiser, and one by one the attendees started to wander in.

I must admit that there was a tiny bit of nervousness as I was wondering how many would come, or would anyone come at all. This all evaporated the moment that the first person rocked up, and over the next few hours there was a steady stream of old friends.

In what reinforced how close we all were, there was no nervous introductions or awkwardness. Everyone just rocked up, used old nicknames and just carried on with each other as if we had been doing this for years. We did have various friendship groups back in the day, but this was all set aside as everyone just embraced each other as if we were all just part of the same big friendship group. I must admit that there was a moment or two when someone asked me "Who is that over there?", and once the name was dropped I'd get "Yes, of course it is!!

We managed to get a group shot early in the afternoon, unfortunately we missed including a few others who turned up later. As expected most of us are either balder, shorter or rounder but none of that mattered as we all probably still saw each other as the 18 year olds who went their separate ways so long ago.

So much to catch up on in so many discussions, it really felt like speed dating to some extent (Not that I've experienced that anyway!!)

If one could think back to 1981 and predict what each person would do with their lives they would have been very surprised. Many of the group have tried a number of jobs, lived in a number of places and endured a variety of hardships. But through it all, there has been a constant feeling of support from these people. When we have lost old classmates, it has been so good to see a group of us turn up to pay our last respects without even needing to coordinate it. People just turn up when they are needed.

I know this first hand as I was blown away when a number of these people turned up to Jen's funeral 4 years ago. I didn't even get to catch up with them on the day, but then again, just knowing they were there meant so much. These people just know how to look out for each other, even after 45 years.

Perhaps what meant so much last Saturday was the efforts that people made to be there on the day when it could have been so easy to say "Oh, it's too hard". This discussion was held with a few on the day and they freely admitted that they contemplated not coming as it required a bit of organising, but they were so glad that they did. And a few who were hoping to be there put in late apologies and just couldn't get there for various reasons, and I could tell they were gutted at missing out. 

So, as a way of trying to maintain this connection, especially as we have started to lose a few, we decided to set aside an annual weekend from now on that many have already committed to.

Perhaps one negative from the day ( and I use that term loosely) was that just about everyone wanted to have a beer with each person. Needless to say I was a bit wobbly early into the evening and how I got back to my hotel safely is a miracle!!!

Perhaps the thing that stood out for me is that we all parted ways 45 years ago at the age of 18, and here we all were half a lifetime later and catching up on all that we had done in that time. Rather than sharing intricate details of jobs and careers, most of the discussions were just about general things, the footy, retiring, injuries, family and so on. Everyone was more interested in the person rather than what the person had done.

And this is why I have called this post what I have. These friends are amazing people, because after spending so long apart we were able to get back together and celebrate what brought us together in the first place. They are truly amazing people.

So after a rather sleepy trip back to Bendigo on Sunday I was still under the pump as I had to get things prepared at home as I was going into hospital the next day.

As I knew that my body would be out of action I needed to be sure that the bins were done, lawns mowed, floors mopped, benches wiped down etc. All the sorts of jobs that were going to be harder to do with just one arm.

Monday morning came around quicker than expected and I also had to be conscious of sticking to my fasting and drinking hours. So just to be sure, I just started this on Sunday night. Rest assured that by Monday morning I was already hungry and thirsty as I dragged myself off to the hospital.

Now Readers, I am quite familiar with this hospital after what I've had done over the past 4 years, so I knew what to expect. However, I am continually blown away by the standard of care from ALL staff at this hospital. This extends from the volunteer who walked me up to reception, to the lady who brought me a coffee later that night to the surgical staff who operated on me. Every single person who I encountered was totally professional, caring and respectful. I honestly can not heap enough praise on these people, especially as I was already nervous about going in again and was still feeling conscious about how many operations I'd been having. I'd rather not have them, but then the alternative is trying to put up with constant pain.

I was sort of hoping that I'd only be in a sling for a week, plus I was booked to work a few days next week. How wrong was I!!

After the operation my surgeon said that once inside they found a few other things that needed fixing, and that it was a bit of a mess. Among these was a detached bicep tendon!! No wonder I'd been in pain for so long!! Anyway, all fixed now but I'm in a sling for 6 weeks and no driving for 6 weeks. I suppose that's one way to save on fuel!!

One of my pet hates is being a burden on others, so I hate needing to ask anyone to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. So this time I kept it quiet and managed to get there under my own steam and actually rode the local buses to the hospital. This was quite an adventure as I'd only used a bus in Bendigo once before, so trying to understand the timetables was a challenge for me! As for leaving the hospital, well it might be easier to rob Fort Knox!!! They are dynamite in making sure that you are being picked up by an approved person, so I was lucky that one of our sons was visiting for a few days. I did ask a few weeks ago if I could just get an Uber to take me home...The look I was given made me shrink!!!

From the moment I was admitted and the pre-op things were being done I was given just the greatest care by everyone I encountered. At times I could sense that they saw I was a bit nervous and the way that they relax their patients is a credit to them.

At every check in I was required to give my details and a few times I was asked if my wife was picking me up the next day. When I explained why this wasn't the case the way they responded was just beautiful. Not pity, but just genuine understanding.

The same applied when I was offered pain relief. I tried not to sound like a pussy and keep requesting it, but they made me understand that it was foolish to try and put up with something that they could alleviate, and that bit was what they were there for.

I mentioned to a few staff that it wasn't just the care that was amazing, it was the manner in which it was given. They could have easily just have done it robotically and achieved the same results, but every person to a tee went about their work in the most generous and caring manner. It definitely made a stressful few days more liveable.

I don't look forward to having these surgeries done, but knowing how I am going to be treated makes it so much easier to put up with. I wonder how I'd be treated if I chose to be a difficult patient, moaning and complaining and feeling sorry for myself? Knowing these people, I'm sure they'd just go about their work in the same manner such is their quality.

Well Readers, I know this is a very self indulgent post as I'm banging on about how people have been treating me over the past week, but I just can't leave it unsaid how much I appreciate the people who I have been around lately. On one day they were all close friends, and for another two days they were all pretty much total strangers, yet I experienced the best of these people. 

I hope that I can really make myself more aware of the people around me and to always try and see the good in them rather than any little things that might annoy me. God knows I must pee people off with what I do, so after the valuable lessons of the past week I must try to be to others how others have been to me lately.

I hope that you get to see the best in others too!

Now my arm has totally given out from typing in this hunched position!!

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Being a Grey Nomad...

Hi Readers,

A bit of a change for this post, just something different for a change.

Last week I decided to head north to Qld as one of our sons and his family have come back from Dubai for a few weeks as it is the end of the school year and they have a few weeks off. 

Coincidentally there is a bit of a war going on over there as we speak, so I much prefer having them safely here for the time being.

As I needed to keep myself occupied in the car from time to time I recorded a few short clips on my Go-Pro (Is that illegal???)

So, rather than reading my waffle, you can hear it instead! One disadvantage of the Go-Pro however is that it doesn't have a zoom function, so there are times when I'm trying to show you some great scenery, but all you get is the long distance view. Sorry about that!!

Now I'm also not sure about the quality of the clips as I had trouble uploading and converting them to files that this site accepts.

I hope they are in order, but as I've started to go down this path a bit more, hopefully I'll get better at recording things.

Well Readers, or Listeners I should say, make what you want of that.

I did say that I left at 11:00 am on Tuesday morning and was planning on sleeping in the van at a truckstop somewhere along the freeway. 

However, I got to Sydney and was feeling good, so decided to push on for a few hours and perhaps pull up stumps at Goulburn. It was about 10:00pm when I hit Goulburn and I was still feeling fresh, so decided to push on a bit further. A few hours later I was in Albury, and as it was only another 3 hours to get home I just decided to get it over and done with.

This was good along the freeway, but for the last 2 hours I was on single lane country roads, and a very thick fog had come down. This made it hard and slowed me down, but I persevered and eventually got home to Bendigo at 5:30 am on Weds morning. That last 40 mins was hard though.

After putting the van away I had two choices.

1. Go to Bed.

2. Stay up.

I took option number 2 and for the rest of the day just kept busy and didn't sit down because I knew I'd nod off immediately. Let's just say it was a slow day and I had very little trouble getting to sleep on Weds night!!!

And it wasn't just Weds that saw me being tired, it really sucked the life out of me for the past two days. Not sure if I'll drive all the way through again, it's pretty hard work.

So I now have a few appointments in the coming week as a lead up to a shoulder op I'm having, but before that I have a long awaited Boarding School Reunion to attend that I'd organised. It has been 45 years since we all left Assumption College in Kilmore, but so many of us have stayed in touch, particularly since we have lost three of our group in recent years. Next weekend will be just great and I can't wait to see such good friends again.

I'll be heading north again in the coming weeks before our son and the family move back to Dubai, so hopefully I'll get my filming skills up to scratch.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Be You !!

Hi Readers, 

Over the past few weeks I have attended funerals for two blokes who were my age, and who I grew up with. What really struck me at last week's funeral was that this person had lots of plans to do things with his wife in the next year or so until he was suddenly cut down by an aggressive illness that took him way too soon. Sadly their plans are not to be.

For my other friend who passed away recently, also to an aggressive cancer, he too had lots of plans for his immediate future with his wife, plans that also will not be.

A few days before he died, he sent me a lengthy letter that I will treasure, and in it he just said that if I was wondering whether I should do some of the things I was thinking about, then I should just go and do them, as we just never know when these opportunities will be taken from us.

Needless to say there has been a fair bit of reflection recently, and part of this has involved thinking about this blog and the posts that I write. I get feedback from readers that is much appreciated, but the only the thing that tends to puzzle me is when people question me about how open I am at times, sometimes raising their eyebrows as if to say "Why do you do this?"

Well, I often ask myself the same question.

At first I was very hesitant to openly express vulnerability, but now it doesn't bother me at all. And what has prompted this post came about when I was browsing through my blog stats recently where it shows which posts have been read each day.

There were quite a few for some reason that day, maybe a new reader, and although I often recall the headings, I often forget the content.

One in particular stood out for some reason, so I clicked on it to see what I wrote that day, and it could not have been more coincidental considering how I have been feeling after these two recent funerals.

It was titled "I've Had Better Weeks" and was written a few days after my sister died in 2022 and just a day or two after Jen suddenly ended up in ICU and was in a critical condition.

Click this link for a quick recap and you'll see what I mean.

https://bkerrins63.blogspot.com/2022/03/a-rough-few-weeks.html

This was the first time that I started to write more openly without worrying about what others were thinking about me. It talks about what I had been reading and who I had been listening to that gave me the courage to write with more freedom and not worry about what others would think about it. I wasn't writing to stir people up, I was just sharing the thoughts that I would otherwise keep to myself. The writing was giving me an avenue to express myself when I had no-one else to talk to as I was living in isolation so as to restrict any chances of infections being transmitted to the hospital.

At a time this week where I was questioning as to whether I should cut back the writing and just shut up, reading this post again has given me new incentive to keep pursuing what I really enjoy, and what helps me in so many ways.

And more coincidence, last week I met a colleague for lunch as he is on leave. I actually really dislike referring to him as a colleague, he is just a really good friend, and we caught up as friends rather than ex work colleagues.

He mentioned my writing and how he liked that I was prepared to be open and honest, just the support that I was needing and something that has prompted this post too, giving me the motivation to really get off my arse and get back into doing the thing that keeps me sane!!

So after a lengthy introduction, I can finally get to the point of this post.

Be You.

I'm sure you'll all agree that we can tend to portray ourselves differently at times according to the situations we are in or to who we are with. Or is that just me?

I found that was what I was doing with my writing. For the first few years I was just writing fluffy staff, or just talking about things that I had done. I was rarely letting the real me become evident or exposed in what I wrote. The book that I'm currently reading is definitely helping to address that, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F$%K!!"

Boy has that helped me to not worry about what others think!!

So as today is just such a crappy day, and I have no motivation to go outside I may as well bang on here with more of my fluff!

I was in the study recently giving it a tidy up and throwing things out, and I came across a set of farewell notes that I received from the kids at the school I finished at.

One note in particular really grabbed my attention, and also prompted this post.

When I was a student at secondary school I was made to feel like the village idiot with my maths skills, or lack of to be more accurate! The way I was made to feel never left me, and when I became a teacher I vowed to try and never let a student feel the same way about their learning. If I have, then I am so sorry!! 

That is why I really dedicated myself to trying to be the best at teaching maths that I could be, and along the way I grew to love it again. If I made any kids feel the same then that would be great. My enthusiasm for the teaching and learning of maths was what really kept me in the game for 38 years, and I'm somewhat disappointed to see the way it is being taught now, but that is not for me to question. When I do CRT days I follow what is prescribed without question, but it still doesn't sit with me. That's just the way it is.

But this approach was something that defined me, and displayed the real me.

I'm not saying that I know maths, but I feel that I can at least make it fun to do.

Now back to the note that I found in the study.

Some people might get offended by something like this, but I couldn't have cared less. I've heard the saying "You're only young once, but you can be immature all of the time", and I'm sure many colleagues over the years will probably say this could apply to me, but having fun was what I always tried to do. If that was who I was, then that was who I was.

There were times that I tried to be super serious like so many others, but I just couldn't hack it, so if "being a kid" was what worked then so be it. It wasn't faked, it was just how I rolled. I'm sure the kids at times wished that I'd act more like a grown up from time to time!!

Probably the best thing about this note is that it helps me to understand how I always had pretty good relationships with the classes that I taught. It wasn't a circus, (contrary to popular opinion!!) I could be firm when needed but in my final years in particular I found that I had the greatest success and enjoyment with this approach and that the kids were. more engaged as a result and easy to teach.

Being You is not a set template that we never deviate from. Well, that's what I've grown to think.

Jen and the boys would often tell me that I needed to just try and be calmer, as I'd often be on the move, always doing things and just not sitting and relaxing. It would be a running joke about how many times I'd get up and do things when watching a movie for example, I always seemed to get up and get something, or do something else while watching the movie at the same time.

Over the past 4 years now, I really think that has changed as I now don't mind just going and sitting on the swinging chair out on the porch, or playing music and just sitting or laying down and listening to it. Even better with a cold drink in my hand especially if I've just come off an exercise session (some things just don't change!)

I even walk barefoot on the grass and feel it between my toes!!

And how's this one.

I even burn incense in the house and out on the porch!!! This came about after walking into a shop in Ballarat last year and smelling it and realising how calming it was. I have boxes and boxes of the stuff, diffuser sticks in bottles and a diffuser going all the time in the living room. I even explore different scents and in my own mind am becoming my own expert in choosing which ones work best for me.

I do love a good linen shirt for comfort, but just don't think that I'll gravitate to a kaftan.

Yet!!!

I did mention earlier that I sometimes can't sit still long enough. Lately I've noticed if I sit still for not very long on the couch I more often than not nod off, so I'm sort of trying to avoid the couch during the day! Maybe that's also the legacy of getting up so early every morning. 

Part of 'being me' is daily exercise. I've always done it, it makes me feel good and I can't see it changing. Perhaps that's also why I have so many injuries and ailments. As I type here I have my hand in a splint that I have been told to wear for god only knows how long. As regulars know, I recently had a hand op. While the recovery is slow, I can accept that.

Last week while having a post op check done, I mentioned some problems I was experiencing with my thumb. The surgeon said that this was mainly due to the advancing arthritis that I have. He did say that it could possibly be sort of fixed with another op that was quite detailed. No promise of fixing it, and it also came with the news that I'd lose the function to grip with my thumb as significant bone would be cut out. So when faced with the option of a permanent sore hand or a non functioning one, the choice was fairly simple.

I also had to choose between getting the required op on my other hand, or the one on my shoulder. As I didn't want to be faced with two very sore hands at the same time I opted for the shoulder, so I have that to look forward to in a few weeks.

Hopefully once I get these done that will be it for surgeries. Touch wood.

This is me, not sick, just falling apart. Or should I say being stitched back together?

Part of being me is definitely being able to laugh at myself and the situations I end up being in.

But Readers, maybe loving exercise has also been beneficial too.

Just yesterday I was in a business here in Bendigo and the young man who was looking after me just happened to be a past student who I hadn't actually taught as I wasn't in a classroom situation then, but he remembered me very well.

As he was taking my details for a potential purchase I was making, he saw the splint on my hand and noticed my slight limp. He politely asked if these were the result of football injuries, to which I replied "Sort of", as football had contributed to them.

He then asked, "Who are you playing for?"

Do you reckon that floored me!! He was under the impression that I was still playing competitive football!!

I said to him, "Tom, do you have any idea how old I am?", and then told him that I am nearly 63 years old. He just sat there wide eyed and said "B%$#&^%T". He knew I was 'older', but not to that extent, so maybe the exercise is helping slightly!!  He also recalled that when he knew me at school that I would joke around a bit with him and his siblings, maybe that's why he thought I was younger. Or just immature still!!

Well Readers, not much more to add, well actually, I could bang on for ages but you'd need a defibrillator to wake you up again. I am pretty excited about the next few weeks 

(exclude the shoulder op) as I recently made bookings for trips to Torquay to visit one son and then Qld to visit another as he and his family come back from Dubai for a few weeks break. Rather than having not much to look forward to, I now have bookings to commit to and have some definite structure in my life for the next period of time. So as soon as this foul weather clears I'm off and really looking forward to it, and exploring some new places along the way.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁