The Music of Your Life

Hi Readers,

A very nostalgic inspiration for this post, something that has been brewing over the past 2-3 weeks. Also very self indulgent for which I apologise for in advance, but I also hope that it will prompt you to do something similar. But you don't have to go and write about it and put it online for everyone to see!!  You could though, just leave a song title in the comments that relates to you!!! Hopefully you'll understand what I mean if you stay on to read the entire post.

Recently I have started my rehab program after my shoulder reco. This involves physio sessions, gym sessions and hydro sessions in the pool. I have them twice a week and they leave me totally knackered and sore afterwards, but then again, it's always sore so I can't blame the rehab can I??

In the gym we are guided by the loveliest physios, and likewise in the pool. There is always music pumping and I've been noticing other people in the group bopping along or quietly singing along with the various tunes. The physios are not that much older than our own sons who are late 20's-early 30's so one would expect music that might not relate so much to patients who are twice their age, and even older! 

How wrong was I!!!

For the first few sessions I was pleasantly surprised with the playlist, so last week I mentioned it to one of them and asked who chose the music. He said it was pretty much who logged in first, but both the physios who lead my session play the stuff that I just love, both modern and 'older'!! And when I go into the pool for my hydro sessions the same thing applies. I have quietly mentioned this to other people in the group, and just by doing this the whole group has changed from doing their own rehab silently and on their own, to actively engaging with each other, commenting on the various songs playing and really getting to know each other.

Just the power of music engaging us and connecting us.

This then got me thinking. Some of these songs I hadn't heard for ages, and might not ever thought about them until I heard them again. So many of these random songs immediately took me back to a stage in my life when they had significance for me. Whether that be to remind me of where I was living, something that occurred at that time, happy, sad or tragic memories, who I was with etc.

Those who know me would know that I pretty much have music playing most of the time, either from my phone or on the tv. So if you ever come to visit you have to suffer through my playlists!! I still feel sorry for my colleagues at school who often could hear my music playing in my classroom before school. Some of my choices would never have passed the pub test in their rooms, where they were usually working quietly!! The songs that I have on repeat generally relate to phases in my life, and if anyone can make sense of my choices then you are doing well. I'm sure that some on my list cause others to raise their eyebrows at times!!

I'm going to share a rather varied selection of the songs that really define me, calm me, soothe me, motivate me, connect me with friends and help me to cope at times. Yep, some are questionable, some are daggy, some will surprise you, but they all take me to a time that resonates with me.

I hope that already you might be thinking about some particular songs that have the same impact on you and you might be humming along with them in your head without really knowing it!!

Jen and I would travel very often, spending long hours in the car which we just always enjoyed. One of our favourite things to do was to alternate the song choices rather than it always being "driver's choice" . It didn't matter if you hated the other person's choice, you just had to suffer through it. Often you'd find us making choices that we knew the other would like as we'd talk about how this song related to us and why we chose it.

For example, I generally tend to enjoy fast paced rock music, but Jen would often select "The First Time Ever I saw Your Face" by Roberta Flack as she thought that at times I just needed to calm down and not be in a rush all the time. We would play it a lot when we first got together and just listen to it quietly without needing to say anything. 

 How much did I love it when that song popped up on my DJ Playlist on Spotify a few days ago, it was just like it was meant to be!!! It's playing now ❤️

So here are some links to a few of my faves that you might want to check out, or most likely just bypass altogether. They are in no particular order, but I hope that they might help you to know just that little bit more of what makes me tick.

This first one, "The Promised Land" by Bruce Springsteen has been a longtime favourite as it is about searching for hope and aspiration in one's life, something that is very important to me. Every day I also hope that our own 3 boys see hope for their own futures. It's about optimism, something that I always try to display. I can never get sick of it, especially when the saxophone solo begins. Always makes me tingle, often brings a lump to my throat too I'm not ashamed to say!!

Another Springsteen song that resonates is "Born To Run" as one of my sisters always texts me when she hears it as whenever I had it playing when they were visiting, she and Jen would loudly sing in unison one particular line that they just loved! Especially if they were having a quiet drink!! I'll protect her privacy but let's just say it involves a motorbike!

This next one is incredibly personal, but one which I'm proud to share as I'm no longer afraid to express vulnerability.

When Jen was sick in hospital in 2021-22 she brought this song to my attention and we'd play it quietly in her room and just reflect on the words. We were both Billy Bragg fans, and this song soon became our song for each other and how we'd always be there for each other. After each visit we'd often say to each other "I'm Your Shield".

We cherished it so much so that it was the final song at her funeral, and the first one I play when I visit her each week at the cemetery.

This next one is special as it was what Jen played to me in the car when she decided that she wanted to go out with me permanently after a few weeks of both of us farting about trying to decide if we were to be an item or not. It became super special as we used it at our wedding, and also at her funeral. As you can imagine, it's also on the playlist I listen to at the cemetery.

While on John Denver, this was also used at our wedding as well as her funeral. Just a song that we both loved, and would always get a run in our Car Karaoke. Sometimes we'd just listen to it silently, other times we'd bang it out together!!

This next one is a good song, but not one that I would normally have gone back to by choice as I like so many of John Mellencamp's songs a lot more. When we were preparing Jen's funeral, a very close friend showed me a text that Jen had sent her ages earlier, even before she was sick. It said that whenever she died that she wanted this song played at her funeral as it meant so much to her. We honoured her wishes and it was just appropriate, and now I just love it so much.

I came across this next song earlier this year when I was stuck at home still trying to get over the leg surgery I'd had a few months previously. I must have been feeling sorry for myself and somehow I came across this song, "Don't Let The Old Man In".

Straight away it was the slap in the face I needed. I wasn't sick so what was I bloody worrying about!!! I've always been accustomed to being very active, so not being able to do that was really messing with my head at the time.

It's funny how different people might interpret the same song and this one immediately was telling me that I could choose to sit and flounder at home or get off my arse and make things happen. By "letting the old man in" I would be giving in to mediocrity and just letting life pass me by.

It was also ironic that it was around this time that I lost a good friend who told me before he died to not leave things undone, or die wondering. The next day I went and bought a caravan that I'd been umming and aahing about. It's just a bugger at the moment that I can't use it due to my bung shoulder, but I'll get there!! I'm determined to keep "the old man" at bay for the time being!!!

This next one is super daggy, straight from the 80's!!

A few months ago it came on out of nowhere and immediately it brought back a specific memory. I'd never have thought to look out for this song, it had completely left my mind. 

But when it came on I was straight away taken back to a moment that sticks in my mind.

It was in 1986, our first year of teaching and the first holiday break for the year. I was teaching in Wodonga, Jen in Edenhope. For those unfamiliar with Victoria, that's about a 7 hour trip, which became shorter the following year when I moved to Ballarat.

We were both itching to see each other so we met halfway and left one of our cars at my hometown of Colbinabbin. We then took off for a few days in Melbourne, just hanging out and enjoying being together.

We were checking out of a motel one morning and I clearly remember thinking "Can life get any better than this?" I just couldn't have been any happier than I was at that time. and as I got back in the car this song was playing, in particular the bridge part of the song.

So when this song came on a few months ago, you guessed it, I felt that same feeling of total happiness as it reminded me of that morning. I can't even remember where we went that day, all I remember was how happy I felt as I got back into the car while this song was playing.

Yes, it looks daggy now, but it still resonates with me.

Then there are the songs that are bangers in their own right, and down the track there comes a cover version that makes you question which version is better. While on that, does one have to necessarily be better? Can't they both be equally good?

I always liked the original version of "Take On Me" by A-ha back in the 80's. It had stuck in my mind after going into a shop in Acland St in St Kilda (Where I spent a year working in a bank coincidentally) and it was just blasting and I'm like "How good is this?!!" It was also the same trip where I heard the Time Bandits song, so music was clearly having an effect on me then as it does now.

A few years ago I was walking up a steep hill in Tasmania and this version of "Take On Me" came on and I've just loved it since. Probably better than the original too!

If you want another great version, check out The Dreggs singing it. Did you ever think a banjo would sound good with this song???

And just to show that I'm not a complete dinosaur stuck in the past, I do have a song from this year that I connected with immediately, as I feel that there are parts of it that helped me to understand myself a lot more, and put into words the things that I was feeling about myself that I didn't know how to articulate. Funny how a song written by someone else can find the words that you are searching for about yourself!!

And finally, and this is taking you all back to a time before you were probably born. 

The Beach Boys.

Some see them as daggy, but they are renowned as incredible songwriters and to reall sit and hear their harmonies on some songs is not time wasted in my book.

I've always loved "I Can Hear Music", probably because it sums up my feelings towards music too. A few years ago I came across this version by Kathy Troccoli in conjunction with the Beach Boys. How brave to cover a song by the original performers of it!! What grabs mein this version, apart from her amazing voice, is the backup woork from the members of the Beach Boys, they harmonise so beautifully.

Just another song that I can kick back and relate to.

Well Readers, I did warn you that this was a very self indulgent post as many/most of you would look at most or all of my selections and say "Meh!!"

And so you should, just as I probably would if I was to examine your selections. No-one is more right or wrong as it's entirely personal.

What I've tried to do today is just prompt some thinking about what songs define you and parts of your life? I could have gone on and listed loads of other songs, probably my entire 'Favourites' playlist on Spotify!!!

I must admit that some of my own 'bangers' might be anywhere from the 60's up until this year. I just like songs for different reasons, reasons that only I need to worry about.

But what a joy it has been writing this post with my favourites playing quietly beside me. Okay, it's probably louder than I need as I love it blasting through the house!!!

And a heads up to an old boarding school friend, Marty who sent me a message recently how he too has music playing on YouTube, proudly flying the flag for the songs of his life!!

I think we might have a few songs in common Marty!!

Well Readers, I really hope that you have some music that defines you and parts of your life and that when you reflect on them they will take you back to those times. It has certainly worked for me today!! As I said earlier, drop a song title in the comments section below. That's all. Leave it for others to ponder. I'd love to see what is out there.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Being Lucky

Hi Readers,

Another bit of time in between posts, mainly because it is still painful to type. Anyway, not complaining so I'll press on, but it may be shorter than usual. Let's see.

I was watching a doco last week on an ex Rugby player, Paul 'Fatty' Vautin. Not being a rugby follower I probably recognise him more for his tv career rather than his rugby career, which I became more aware of after watching this show.

For those unaware of him, he plays the clown a fair bit on tv, but do not let this mask how clever he really is. Many of his contemporaries made the comment that they could see how he found his niche and made it his own, leading to a long and successful tv career post rugby. It takes a smart person to be able to do this so well.

One of the things that he said was that he has just been so lucky with all the opportunities and life experiences that have come his way, even the ones that were terrible as they helped to make him who he is. Many experiences were just being in the right place at the right time, while others occurred just because he might have decided to have a crack at something at the last minute.

From just having a tryout at rugby in his teens for a bit of fun, he ended up becoming a club Premiership winning captain and State of Origin winning coach for Queensland. This he achieved with what was seen as a mediocre team, yet he instilled such self belief that they went on to to win the series against their bitter rivals NSW 3-0.

So this really struck a chord with me. When have we felt lucky? I'm not talking about winning $12.15 on Lotto ( about the most I've ever won!!), but the times when events have happened in our lives that have made us better people.

Of course I can imagine many of you thinking right now about all those happy occasions that you are just so grateful for, and I applaud you for these.

But where it really got me was when I recalled all of those less than savoury moments where the outcome actually lead to some positive self growth.

I know that this sounds like I'm going to descend into a post all about pessimism, far from it. What I'm trying to put forward is that when we are confronted with situations that we'd rather avoid there can still be some good to come out of them.

I'll start with something light hearted.

Recently I have been house bound after a shoulder operation as I wasn't able to drive for 6 weeks. (I actually started driving after 5 weeks!!). I was going off my nuts at home trying to keep occupied with reading, jigsaws ( more about that later!) music, sort of gardening and lots of walks. Bored to death!!!

I was determined not to sit and watch tv, but when I walked on the treadmill out in the shed I was always looking for something to watch on the tv out there. As a result I was running out of good stuff to watch, despite all the recommendations I was being given.

I then started to watch YouTube clips, and now that's what I watch more than usual tv.

I stumbled across this one show called 'Dashcam Australia', or something like that. Basically it's just dashcam footage of bad driving.

Now we all think we are the safest drivers, but what I have seen on this show totally shocked me as I just couldn't believe some of the things I was seeing. Plus I also have a dashcam in my car and have actually needed to go and check footage a number of times.

Now when I get in my car to drive I am even more vigilant and careful purely because I have become more aware of the number of muppets out there on the roads. I just hope I don't become one!! How lucky have I been to get a wake up call to be a safer driver, and in the end you are safer too because I'm looking out for you!!!!

Another tv related thing I've fallen into is just turning the tv on and playing YouTube music clips of my favourite songs and having it going in the background while I'm farting around the house doing things. We all know that 'the algorithm' soon picks up on what we are viewing, so now my playlist is expanding and now there are lots of new songs entering my playlist that I haven't heard for ages, and probably wouldn't have searched for them anyway as they had slipped out of my mind.

I've had to apologise to recent visitors when they have had to put up with my playlist!!

I'm really lucky to be able to rediscover old favourites as they always take me back to a time or place that has particular significance for me.

Unfortunately, last Friday I attended the funeral of a person who I was friendly with when we lived in Ballarat 27 years ago. He was only a year older than me, but when I heard about his death my immediate reaction was how lucky I was to have known him in the first place.

I had swapped footy clubs and when I joined the club he was at he just made me feel so welcome. As did his entire family. I mentioned to some of his family that we often forget things that people have done to us, but we don't forget how they made us feel. I mentioned this in my most recent post too, so it's something that really resonates with me. I just won't forget how this person always made me feel, and after seeing the hundreds at his funeral I can honestly say that they all shared the same sentiments.

There was something written on the handbook at his funeral that is too beautiful not to share. He came from a large family, just as I do and I can relate to all that it says.

This came at a good time, as recently my remaining siblings all gathered at our house together for the first time since we buried our brother Tony just over a year ago.

We had been talking that the only times we had all been together recently were for the funerals of our eldest brother Moose, then our sister Anne, and now Tony. Also in there was Jen's funeral. So we decided to have a weekend together that didn't involve a funeral and was just for the joy of being together for no other reason than being siblings.

This paragraph from the funeral last week summed up everything, especially the part where it says that despite any bickering or problems from time to time, that bond never breaks.

So, from starting out as one of 8 siblings, there are now 5 of us left and we are all aware that gradually over time there will be further gaps in the photo, which is why we have committed to doing this more often.  How lucky.

I also mentioned in a previous post how my last year of Boarding School mates had a 45 year reunion recently that I organised. Who would have thought that the strong bonds we formed as 14-18 year olds would still be so strong so many years later. In just the past few days I have been sharing communications with a few of them as we are still committed to maintaining contact. One in particular achieved some amazing success with a business venture last week and the genuine pride and congratulations shared with him by so many is testament to how much this group looks out for each other in the most genuine way.

I never under estimate how lucky I am to have been, and still are associated with these boys. And girl!

I'll go back to the funeral of last Friday if I may. As I said, there were hundreds there and it was so crowded heading into the Ballarat Cathedral. I could see the family to my left about 15 or so metres away and they were occupied with many of the other mourners, so I just proceeded towards the doors. Imagine my surprise when one of them who I was closer to came through the crowd to greet me. We hadn't seen each other for 27 years, but all it took was the look in his eyes to know how much he appreciated my presence. He was pretty choked up because of what his family was going through, understandably, and we didn't need to say much at all to each other. Just a handshake and a hug meant so much. I started towards the door again and then I hear someone call out my name. It was one of his sisters who I also knew well. Once again, no words, as none were needed. Just a warm embrace. It was in the car going home while I was reflecting on the day that I really began to appreciate more some of the people who I have met in my life, and the experience with this family exemplifies that. They are first class people.

A similar experience occurred a few weeks ago with another friend, whose mother had died. We have always been super close, but haven't actually caught up for over 20 years due to distance and other things. At the funeral he was doing everything to get around to all the people who were there to support him and his family. He saw me in the distance and came straight over, and once again the look in his eyes meant that nothing needed to be said, as he was pretty choked up, as I would have been too. The hug and embrace was all that was needed and said more than any words could have. Sometimes when we dither around trying to say something we can just stuff it up. Which is why I like writing as I can think more carefully about what to say.

These two blokes at each funeral have been some of the closest friends I have had at different times, it was just a shame that we have caught up again lately at such unfortunate times. But I consider myself so lucky that I have been able to have them in my life.

I mentioned at the start that it is easy to remember the great times and consider ourselves lucky, and I'm not for a moment dismissing or trivialising them. However, for me it has been some of the less than fortunate moments that have reminded me how lucky I have been. I don't consider losing Jen as lucky in any way at all. But how lucky was I that I was able to be with her for the time that we had together. I'm lucky that I can go and sit in my chair with her as the cemetery is just up the road and just remember everything that we did together. With the weather improving at the moment it is one of the most peaceful places I can go to and just sitting there with my headphones on playing our songs reminds me how lucky I have been.

As you know I have been under the knife a bit over the past few years, and I've had people tell me how unlucky I am.

I'd say the opposite!!

So many people do not have the opportunity to get these things done for various reasons, whereas I am in the fortunate position to have things fixed relatively quickly. There are poor souls waiting years for surgery, or people battling intolerable diseases. My only problem is having sore hands, shoulders and ankles!! I'm only sore, and relatively healthy. By getting them 'fixed' I am hopefully getting myself in a position to eventually getting away in my caravan, something I still can't do due to needing two arms that actually work to hook it up!!! But when one looks at it, I'm pretty lucky for sure.

Before I forget, I said I'd elaborate on the jigsaw that I'm doing. It's a 1 000 piece job and I bought it because I have been fortunate to have travelled to all but one of the places on it. I'm determined to visit that last place next year if possible. I have it set up on our dining room table, and every now and then I'll dabble with it for ten minutes or so.

Until yesterday.

I sort of sat down to do it, but even that is hard as I still can't stretch my arm properly. I told myself "One hour tops", as I get too sore. Who gets sore doing a jigsaw other than me????

Anyway, two and a half hours later I was still at it, determined to get it to the stage in the photo. And aren't I suffering from it today 😫 Now I'm off to finish it tonight.

As for the one place I'm yet to visit, feel free to leave a comment at the bottom of this post!!

So Readers, this post has made me really reflect on how lucky I've been over the years with work, family, relationships, travel, sport, health and everything else that has made me so appreciative of all that I have experienced. Not all has been fun or enjoyable, but combined with everything else it has made me realise that sometimes we just have to soldier through the hard times in order to appreciate the good times a lot more.

Rather than just seeing them as memories of a time gone by, I now see them in true technicolour as I see how they have impacted me.

I'm sure by now your mind is drifting through the various things that have occurred in your own lives, and like me, I hope that you can appreciate them for what they have taught you.

Well Readers, an enjoyable few hours on the verandah writing this and having my favourite music pumping away beside me. It has been a good day.

Hopefully soon...

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Rear View Mirrors

Hi Readers, 

As I warned in my previous post, there was a real possibility that future posts would easily be prompted by things that catch my attention from watching Ted Lasso. If you are one of those who haven"t watched an episode and are sick of people like me encouraging you to watch it, then I'm sorry, but I'm sure you'd still like it!!!

Even so, there are so many messages and ideas prompted by it and one doesn't need to watch the show in order to be touched by some of the sayings, slogans or quotes that are becoming very visible as a result.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Without giving anything away that would spoil the show for those still to watch it, this is the quote that really slapped me in the face this week. There was no big build up, it was just quickly said in a discussion between the characters Ted and Rebecca, the owner of the soccer team.

They were having a discussion about relationships and Rebecca was experiencing significant self doubt when Ted just says "That's why rear view mirrors are smaller than windshields", followed by a very reassuring glance back at Rebecca.

BANG!!! This just hit me between the eyeballs, and I wouldn't be surprised readers if you are wondering if I still have all my faculties if a quote like this should have such an impact on me. Still, different things affect people in many ways, or not at all, it all depends on the timing or the current mindset of each person. This quote clearly touched something in me at the time that made it resonate and mess with me for the rest of the next few days. For some of you it might not strike any chords whatsoever, and that is totally fine, I have no qualms with that. There may be quotes that you have heard that have impacted you, but I wouldn't give a second consideration at all. No one is wrong, it's just who we are.

Regardless, I'll bang on and hope that I haven't lost you already!

The message that I took from this quote is that the rear view mirror is all for seeing what is behind us, and in life they are all the things that have happened and cannot be changed. The windshield is what lies ahead of us and is so much bigger as there is so much opportunity and potential facing us if we are open to searching for it. And we can't always see all that is ahead of us, but we can see what is coming up soon.

When one relates this to real life, we can choose to focus on the things that have live in our past and not try and focus on what could be ahead of us. This could be because the past is concrete whereas the future is very abstract, and involves risk.

Speaking from experience, for the past few years I've been living with an extremely large rear view mirror as things happened that have changed me dramatically. Things that I just can't get out of my head. In my last post I suggested that this can be seen as the 'rain' in our lives and that by looking forward we can still try to achieve 'rainbows'. I'm not suggesting we ignore the past, but for our own wellbeing we still need to search for better times in the future. It sounds a lot easier to do as there are days when I just can't move forward. That's why the windshield is bigger, as there is so much opportunity if we are prepared to search for it, which is what I have recently been able to start doing.

Just recently, after my latest bout of surgery, I have had just on 5 weeks of inactivity as I can't drive or use my arm out of the sling. Lots of time to think, too much time to think at times too!! But this week I came to the conclusion after watching the latest episode of Ted Lasso and hearing this quote that pretty soon I can do absolutely anything that I want!

I know I have been booked for a week of work in a few weeks, but after that I'm pulling the plug completely. No more work, just time to explore this retirement thing and start doing it properly. The past two years have been interrupted by lengthy recoveries from operations, but as I have only one more to go the world really is my oyster now.

This time last week I was just thinking about where I could go in my caravan once I can start travelling again, but over the past few days I've actually started planning the actual places I want to go to, how many days at each place etc. So far I'm got my trip as far as Cairns and deciding whether to drive back the same way, a different way, or just keep going in a totally random direction!! I might end up in Perth for all I know, and that's the beauty of having a windshield mentality rather than a rear view mirror mentality.

On a lesser scale of unplanned travel, a few months ago before my shoulder op I woke up and decided that I just needed to go somewhere. So I got in the car and as I pulled out of the driveway I flipped a coin. Tails was north of Bendigo, heads was to go south.

I flipped tails, so headed north and within an hour I found myself in Echuca. I had a great time just wandering the streets and riverbank which took me back to my childhood as we would often have family Sunday car trips to Echuca.

It was the total randomness of the day that made it so special, and I have done it a few times since. A spur of the moment decision to go to the Colbinabbin Hotel for lunch one day was memorable as it was where I grew up, but I still can't get over that uneasy feeling of dining alone, which is why I rarely if ever do it. Watch the latest episode of Ted Lasso and you'll see what I mean.

So what other 'windshield' experiences potentially lay before me? What can I really look forward to?

The most obvious one is watching our two Grandsons, Henry and Angus grow up. They recently stayed with me for a few days and it is just so special that their parents do absolutely everything they can to enable their sons to develop such close relationships with their grandparents. A very touching moment occurred last week when two and a half year old Angus was intently looking at an old family photo of me, Jen and the three boys and he was asking about everyone and naming them all, in particular Jen. Then Henry came over and joined in and was telling him more about Jen. That was just so beautiful to witness.

Looking for turtles at the lake.

Going out to Pop's caravan to watch something on the tv, they just love it!

Not only does watching Henry and Angus grow up excite me, the same applies with our three sons, Sam, Will and Lachie. Just as I watch our grandsons start to forge on with their lives, the same applies with our sons. Each has achieved so much in their childhood and teenage years, and now in their adult years the same applies. I could bask in the memories of watching them growing up, but now I just want to see what is next in their lives. They have moved into different fields of work and have done so well in all that they have done. Now that one lives an hour away on a farm, one lives down on the coast and another lives in Dubai, I definitely have my travel sorted for the time being!! While I do have a sort of idea what their futures may look like, nothing can change this quicker than something unexpected happening, which we did experience. However, every day I just keep wishing for a future that is full of hope for each of them.

Something that I have already alluded to in this post, I am hopefully becoming more mobile in the coming weeks and with that comes the possibility of doing anything that I want, and going wherever I want. I might have to do some more flipping of the coin when I hook up the caravan!! I'm not joking there, I honestly don't mind just heading off and not knowing where I might end up or when I'll get back.

Something that might prompt me to really explore places a lot more occurred last week. A friend who passed away recently advised me to not not put things off and really take on anything I might be considering as we just don't know what is around the corner for us. Another friend who is travelling often posts great aerial shots of his travels, so I bit the bullet and went and bought a drone.

Another reason for this is that I rarely get photos or footage of myself on my travels as it means I have to pester others to take a photo for me. Now I can get the drone to do some of this, to some extent.

So this week I have been down to the nearby football oval learning how to use it and feel really optimistic about how I'll be able to use it on my travels. It will also influence where I go to also due to the possibility of getting some great footage.

All I have to worry about now is making sure I don't crash it or inadvertently do something illegal!!! And doing it properly once I get rid of the sling too!!

This next bit sounds a tad self indulgent, but as you know by now, do you think I'm going to let it worry me?

Recently I was looking through some files in the shed and I found a number of letters written to me back in the day by our mum. She was a prolific letter writer and we would all get letters constantly. How grateful am I now that I have kept them!! We would always bag her about the standard of her handwriting, but looking at it now it is totally fine, and she should be proud of it. What struck me most was the humour in her letters, just priceless. So, in a way, this blog is something that I'm leaving for our boys, so that long after I'm gone they can hopefully look back over it, possibly share it with their boys and have it as a sort of keepsake just like the letters I found in the shed recently. This is another reason why I keep writing these posts as I keep them in mind as each post is a potential memory of me for them. I know others read it, but more importantly it lets them know things about me that may have otherwise been forgotten over time.

Something else occurred this week that has put a spring in my step, literally.

I have a treadmill out in the shed alongside my bikes that are set up on rollers where I watch tv while I work out. The treadmill hasn't been used a lot over the past 2-3 years due to the surgeries I've had on both ankles and a knee. But now that they are nearly recovered I can now use the treadmill, as I can't use my bikes at the moment. If I couldn't do any exercise I'd be going off my nut even more than I am at the moment!!

A few days ago I noticed my runners were wearing out and as I haven't needed to buy new ones for a while I realised the day had come to go and do it. 

Boy was I excited, because this was telling me that I was getting better!!!

So off I went to the shops yesterday, and settled on two different pairs. I was umming and aahing over which pair to get and just couldn't decide, and you can guess what happened next?

Yep.

I bought both pairs!!

This made me even more determined to really get fit again, so when I got home I made sure to have a good hitout on the treadmill. I covered the display so that I couldn't see the timer and just went for it at a good speed and incline level, watching a selection of really good and really trashy shows on the tv. When my body was telling me "Okay Cowboy, time for a break" I took the towel off the display and saw that I'd completed 130 minutes!! Talk about feeling motivated!! And that was on top of a 60 minute session that I do early every morning.

So I've done my morning session today, and as soon as I finish this post I'm off to do another big session and watch the football that is on later.

Readers, I could look back in my rear vision mirror and feel sorry for myself for how much recovery time I've needed, but have decided to look out the front window and look towards the better times that are ahead. And in some ways, whenever I'm looking backwards I hear Jen telling me to look the other way and go forwards.

And when I get tempted to  feel sorry for myself for whatever reason, this picture always makes me laugh and put things in perspective. Turn around and look forwards!!!

Well Readers, this post is sort of related to my previous one, in that it has a focus on looking positively towards the future rather than dwelling negatively on the past. I would never suggest that we are forgetting the past, as I still have the guilt of being able to go on with things when others have had that opportunity taken from them.

But by seeing the future as a big windshield overflowing with potential and possibilities surely gives us a reason to bounce out of bed each morning?

I hope that your rear view mirror doesn't hold you back and that your windshield is free from cracks and is clear!!

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Rain and Rainbows

Hi Readers,

Like most of the world I was saddened last week to hear of the death of Dolly Parton. I wouldn't classify myself as one of her fans or devotees, but I liked most of what she put out. And like most of you I presume, I learnt so much about her in the following days that just amazed me and showed a side of her that I just never knew. She certainly has left a lasting legacy.

While out walking to the bus stop a few days ago (my transport these days!) I heard her talking in an interview and she said something that really struck a chord with me, hence the title of this post.

She was talking about her tough upbringing, and I don't mean emotionally tough, it was just that she was one of twelve kids who lived in a two bedroom house that was still full of love despite the difficult conditions. From this she then went on to explain that she was so fortunate to have achieved what she had in life, and that in our lives you just don't get rainbows without the rain.

In other words, we have to take the bad with the good and that sometimes our 'rainbows' only really occur due to the 'rain'.

Warning!!!   Vulnerability Alert!! Do not continue reading if you get annoyed by people being very open and honest about feelings!!

Which got me thinking.

We all have experienced bad times in our lives, or periods of rain. Have we ever stopped to think how that might have changed us for the better? I'm not suggesting that every bad experience will result in something good later on, often it doesn't. But what I'm thinking about is that we often learn something about ourselves during these times that perhaps might just help us to be better in just the smallest of ways. Depending on the seriousness of our 'rain' looking for that elusive rainbow might seem harder than we think, or it might not be obvious for a long period of time.

For example, as I've said in previous posts, I have had a few surgeries of late. It is just coming up to 4 weeks since I had my shoulder reco and boy have I had to search for my rainbows after this little bit of rain.

Being my dominant arm, I just wasn't prepared enough for how much it would affect me. Just the smallest of tasks would not be possible, or hurt like hell to try and do anyway. This recovery has laid me up so much more than any of the ankle, knee, hand and finger surgeries I've had lately. I've been in a sling for 4 weeks and no driving. Two more weeks of this to go. So many little things that I take for granted, like getting dressed, putting on my socks, drying off after a shower, cooking, cutting up my dinner, buttering bread/toast etc. Not complaining at all, just getting so frustrated at not being able to do the simplest of tasks that we otherwise do without thinking. I just have to laugh at it at times!!

Okay, that's a little bit of my rain. 

My Rainbows?

Because I don't like to ask anyone for help with rides etc as I just hate being a burden, I now walk to the bus stop and ride the buses into town and home again if I need to get things. I could do the same to the local supermarket, but as it's only a 25 minute walk I just do it and enjoy listening to music/podcasts/talkback on these walks. There has only been one of these trips that sort of didn't have a rainbow as it was actually pouring rain when I walked down to the supermarket as I had run out of some medication. But now that I think of it, I didn't really mind that I was getting soaked despite the umbrella. Once you're wet you can't really get any wetter right??? 

That was a case of experiencing the actual rain and rainbow, then being able to use it as an analogy.

And while on the topic of walking, something that I swore I would never get into when I was able to run a lot, I now look forward to getting out and about as it is my only form of exercise I can do at the moment. And dropping a few kg's has also added colour to my rainbow!!!

On a more serious and personal note, 4 years ago I didn't just get rain, I got the whole friggin hurricane! This was when Jen got sick and we lost her. I still try and search for rainbows throughout and since this, and I feel incredibly guilty trying to find any sort of positive about it. How can I possibly feel that anything good happened as a result of this???

By the same token, Jen would slap me now if she thought I was wallowing in self pity so I just have to search for anything that I have gained since this all happened and what I have learnt from the ordeal. And as I write this I still feel uneasy about recognising how her legacy helps me to find my way forward. 

Readers, I really struggled to explain myself here, I hope you can sort of understand!!

After writing this last piece I had a major episode of writer's block. I just didn't know what to write. Usually the words come freely, but I'm struggling somewhat with this post today. 

In previous posts  I have spoken about how hard it can be to express one's vulnerability, but at the same time it can be incredibly liberating, so I'll push on.

No sooner did I close the laptop and I get a message from a dear friend who asked if a visit was on the cards? For sure, I've been doing diddly squat here for nearly 4 weeks as I can't drive anywhere, so a visit would be great. Well this very quickly became a rainbow, as I was able to express the feelings I was having trying to write this post, and how I was experiencing guilt at trying to find the smallest of positives in it. This friend did just the best thing. Listened. There may have been some advice, but I honestly can't recall it, there was just intent listening as I was able to get some things off my chest.

Would I have been so open in previous years? Absolutely not. Since Jen's ordeal I have learnt that it is okay to express your feelings openly and try not to bottle them up. I've only been able or prepared to slightly open this bottle as I still have things that I witnessed and experienced that I can't bring myself to share. For the time being.

But to have someone really listen, and not judge or try and come up with a solution this morning was a massive rainbow for me. 

Then as if the morning could not have been any better, I get a phone call from an ex colleague who I worked with until just 2-3 years ago. He wanted to come around for a visit and bring another ex colleague who also recently left the school to take up a promotion elsewhere. Both are the absolute real deal when it comes to living and breathing the RUOK principle and supporting and promoting men's health. What stands out also is that they are probably half my age, and not only do they reach out to me, I love what they bring to the equation too.

When I first went back to work after losing Jen, these two just had that instinct to know when to drop by for a chat or just check in with me. We might only talk about superficial things like footy or sport, but I really could see that they were checking in to ensure that I was travelling okay. I'll never forget how much that meant to me at the time. In the past I would have dismissed all of this, but in the past 4 years I have learnt to value these experiences and to see them for what they are, people looking after other people. It also reinforced the importance of accepting one's vulnerability.

Sorry for banging on about that again, but if there is a massive rainbow since the loss of Jen, that would be it. It allows me to express my feelings without ridicule, and if someone wants to have a crack at me about it, bring it on as I don't actually care!!

So this morning I went from total writer's block as I just couldn't get out the words to explain what I was trying to say, to having visits from some people who have been just amazing in helping me to find my way again. As soon as they left I just couldn't get back on the keyboard fast enough. Whether I have been successful in expressing this clearly enough is up to you to decide!

If there is one thing that I've learnt over the past 4 years it has been to appreciate people a lot more rather than appreciate what they do. To explain this, I found that often I'd only thank people for what they might have done for me, whereas nowadays I tend to appreciate them for who they are and not just what they get done. I'd often say things like "Thanks, I appreciate that" but now it is "Thanks, I appreciate you". It took a while to get used to saying this as often I'd get strange looks and have to explain myself, but usually I'd only have to do this once as they'd understand it straight away.

Go and try it Readers and see what response you get!!

Readers, I was going to apologise for writing about some rather personal feelings today, but then I just thought "You want to write it, they don't have to like it", so if you are still with me, then I appreciate you!!

Additionally, I just hope that I've prompted some thoughts within you about some of your own Rain and Rainbow moments. I'd hate for you to dredge up memories you'd rather avoid, but like me, have they in some way helped you to become better in just some small way? And I'm sure that in some way it is okay to identify these despite any feelings of guilt you may experience.

Let's lighten the mood a bit.

Any Ted Lasso fans out there?

Each Wednesday I must check 10-15 times to see if the latest episode has dropped, I'm a total Ted Lasso nutcase!!! Yes it is funny, also sad, but this is one of two shows that has had the most impact on me that I can remember. The other is the Ricky Gervais series "After Life". If you have watched this you'll understand why this resonates with me so much. Two series that I could watch and then start from episode 1 all over again.

Anyway, this latest series of Ted Lasso is just as good as the others and what strikes me is that it is not necessarily a show about a soccer team, it is about relationships and understanding the frailties of ourselves and others and how to treat others.

Powerful messages constantly.

I could bang on in each post about a Ted Lasso message (Hey, that's an idea!!) but I'll spare you with just one that I got this morning.

In the opening credits it shows Ted sitting in a sea of blue seats, and his is red. Just one red seat.

     

Then a few more seats turn red

Then by the end of the credits we see that gradually a lot more seats turn red. Not instantly, just gradually, emanating out from where Ted is.

And we end up with the red seats spelling out his name.

As I said earlier, it's not a show about a soccer team, it's more than that. This opening scene is all about the change that Ted is able to enact, and that change can be incredibly difficult at times. Change has to start somewhere, and in this case it starts from Ted, one piece at a time, and not every chair will change or respond to it. 

So what does this have to do with Rain and Rainbows?

Sometimes in order to implement change you may need to change yourself too. Experiencing your own rainbows could be some of these changes. I know that the teacher I was in 2021 is not the teacher I finished up as in 2024. Things happened that totally changed how I saw things, and things that might have really bugged me in 2021 were irrelevant when I came back to teaching a year later. In my mind I began to see more clearly what I felt was more important, I felt I became more patient with the kids and as a result my last two years were probably the most enjoyable years of my whole career. But by then I knew I was cooked too. Without really knowing it, as I look back I think that I was like Ted sitting in the stands, trying to implement changes with the kids gradually and not getting fussed if some weren't coming along for the ride. Everything was above board of course, it was just in the way that I was hoping that they could treat each other and think about themselves more positively.

Well Readers, I did warn you at the start that there was going to be a bit of honesty about this post, so I hope that I haven't put you off continuing to follow me. As always, feel free to leave a comment in the 'Comment' tab below, you can be anonymous and I love any feedback.

I hope your week doesn't have too much 'rain', and that you take the time to sit back and acknowledge your own 'rainbows'. I'm sure you'll feel a little better about yourself.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁. 🌧️ 🌈