Consequences

Hi Readers,

A bit of a light hearted post this time as I ponder what has been happening lately. Suffice to say, my life has changed significantly since I spent quite a few weeks traipsing the world!

In my last post I wrote about how I had been in hospital getting a growth cut out from my ankle. It was a little worse than expected which has resulted in a longer recovery period, and already this is driving me nuts.

I've been on crutches a number of times before, but this time it has been emphasised VERY clearly to me that I am to put no weight on my leg for the next 6 weeks. To do so would just stuff up the work that has been done, leaving the inside of my ankle looking like a game of "Pick Up Sticks" !! 

Just doing the simple things around the house need careful consideration as I am now quite paranoid about any potential accidents, and then the consequences that will follow.

This was prompted in the first day back from hospital where I had two crashes in the house. 

The first one was when I was going through a doorway and one of my crutches was at a bigger angle than it should have been, resulting in it slipping sideways and I followed it to the floor. The only thing I remember trying to protect as I fell towards the floor was the ankle that was recently operated on, which I managed to do successfully, but hurt other body parts as a consequence.

The next crash happened when I was trying to put the rubbish bins out. I need to go up 4 steps in the backyard to get to the bins, but I forgot whether I needed to go up the steps foot first or crutches first. True to form, I got it wrong, lost my balance and fell backwards down a few steps.

Once again that little voice inside me was saying "Protect that ankle buddy!!"

Now I stop and think before I go through any doors or up and down the slightest incline, all because of those two crashes. Maybe those consequences of being a tad careless will protect me from future bingles, time will tell.

It's just the little things that I do that I now need to stop and think about before I do them, always asking myself "What could happen here if I don't do this right?"

I also find that I'm questioning myself, thinking that I must be losing the plot. Again!

Probably the one place where I'm most careful is the shower. The crutches stay so vertical when I'm in the bathroom as I know how easily they can slip sideways, especially if the floor is a tad wet. I even have one of those special chairs in the shower that old people use, and now I'm one of those people.

Things slip so easily in the bathroom, and more than once I've bumped against the glass wall in the shower, scaring the living daylights out of me when I consider the consequences of going through the glass.

The main thing I'm aware of here is to not get complacent, as the slightest lapse in concentration could end up with dire results.

This whole mindset has to be maintained with every little thing I do as it will only take one sudden drop of weight onto my repaired leg and all the work from the operation will be demolished, taking me back to square one. Remember, I'm doing these with one leg in the air and one hand balancing on a crutch. At times I have experimented with two hands and just balancing on one leg, but as Julia Roberts told us all..."BIG MISTAKE!!"

Rather than bore you to tears with how I have to stop and think how I will do the most mundane things that we usually do without thinking, consider the things that we do without for a second considering the consequences if we get it wrong in any way.

• Cleaning your teeth. Standing at the sink and keeping your balance on one foot isn't always easy.
• Unpacking the dishwasher, and the draws for the plates and cups are on the other side of the kitchen. How many is too risky to carry in one hand? And is sliding on your arse with a pile of them in your lap really that efficient??
• Doing the vacuuming with one of those stick vacuums. I've decided I need at least 3 arms for this job.
• Getting a hot saucepan from the stove top to the bench, that involves a minimum of two steps. I just cant twist around and stretch.
• Hanging out the washing while standing on one leg. Sounds easy, but not when it involves reaching down for the pegs. Go and try it and let me know how you go!!!
• Making a coffee and setting it down on the bench. You go and sit down in your armchair, then see that the coffee is still on the bench. Do you get up again and get it, or just say "Stuff it, it's not worth the effort". At times I've left the coffee there as I just don't want to risk slipping with the crutches. And just like I did a bum slide across to the dishwasher, I must have looked like a real twat bumsliding across the floor pushing a cup of coffee!! I now use a travel cup with a lid, so I don't need anyone coming around to make me a coffee🤣
• Change the sheets and make a bed. All with one leg in the air and NOT touching the ground. You'll be amazed at how quickly one gets tired.

I have thought about just hopping around on one leg, but that thought only lasted for about half a second, as I realised all the consequences if I lost my balance and the bung leg hit the ground. Just not worth the risk.

In no time at all I'm hoping this will be me....

If you are still with me, well done, stay awake just a bit longer!!!🫩

These are just a few examples of the utterly simple things we do in our lives that I am now finding I really have to concentrate with.

But there have been some other things that I've needed to make decisions on, due to the consequences involved if I don't get it right.

Those who know me would know how much I love motorbike riding. I've had this one for 8 years and just love it.

But this week I heard some disturbing discussion and statistics on the radio. The number of motorbike riders killed on our roads this year is up by more than 20%.

Much of it was due to older males about my age returning to motorbike riding due to a variety of reasons.

- Nostalgia

- Retiring and going back to an old hobby, or starting a new one

- The old "mid life crisis" ( I detest that term SO much!!)

- Economy - They are cheaper to ride and easier to park

Many of the deaths were put down to poorer reaction times as riders get older, declining vision and alertness, the state of our roads and riding inexperience.

Even over the past few months before my operation I had a few scares with cars cutting me off, not giving way etc, and I was already questioning if I should keep the bike, despite my love for it.

But now with the condition of my hands, where I have had quite a few ops in the past two years, and still need another, the condition of my shoulders that have both had surgery and one might need more, and now my leg, I feel that I would be putting myself and others in less than safe situations if I continued to ride. My bung leg is the gear changing leg and I'm questioning its ongoing ability to support me. Bike riders are often referred to as "temporary Australians", and our boys don't need to lose another parent.

Just another consequence of ambition versus ability.

To be honest, I've been thrashing this decision over in my mind for weeks, but once I hit "Post" when I put it up for sale yesterday, an immediate sense of calm was felt, as if my body was telling me that this was the right thing to do. I'd love to keep it, but I am very realistic about the consequences of doing so. 

The next thing I've done is similar, but not easy to accept at all. I'm still not 100% sure if I've made the right decision, but I'm just about there, so I've done it. 

Just under a year ago I bought a caravan, which is what Jen and I were always planning to do. My retirement was approaching and this was going to be our big thing.

I've been away to a number of places, and while at each of them I've had things to do during the day, the nights were totally different. It wasn't lonely as I had things to watch and read and write about. It just wasn't enjoyable. You could all be throwing reasons at me for this, but try as I might I just couldn't get into it.

This week, after lots of thinking and discussion with a few close friends, I've come to the conclusion that I was probably expecting it to be like if it was the both of us in the caravan, whereas now it was just me. 

I've been told "You should find someone to go away with". 

I'm not even considering that at the moment, as I'd always be thinking of someone else. Maybe my mind will change on that at some time. Maybe not, but it's definitely not on my radar right now. And how ironic, or coincidental that as I just finished that sentence, a dear friend rang to check in on me. We discussed this very matter and she has given me such clarity about this, enabling me to consider so many other options and to understand my own feelings and confusions.

So that's the emotional side of it, but while my body was already struggling with the setting up of the van before its latest rebuild. It will be even harder now. There is considerable effort needed popping the roof and awning, things that I could up being stranded somewhere with.

And then there is the fact that I don't really enjoy caravan parks, and just free camping doesn't really capture me either. And I just don't enjoy towing it, even though that's part and parcel of owning a van. I feel I like the idea of owning it, but haven't fallen in love with using it. As I said, if we were able to follow our original plan things might have been different.

So that's a consequence of a pre-held dream changing dramatically, something that I just wasn't expecting to happen. When I first started to have these feelings I quickly tried to dismiss them and to stop being foolish, but they have just become stronger after each trip. It has been suggested to me to keep the van and wait a few years and things will be different, but for me, due to recent events, life is too short to ponder over things for too long and sometimes it's just best to move on.

Readers, I can hear some you screaming at me "You idiot", and that's your right, but I have a motorbike and a caravan sitting outside my window that I can't use for months anyway, but that's not why I'm selling them. The bike will go, I'm resolved to that. But even though the van is for sale there is still a part of me that is thinking that I just might not go through with it. I'll just have to wait and see. Any time I have to go away for holidays I'll plan to use seeing our boys and grandsons rather than flipping away somewhere by myself.

Who knows what mind flipping idea I might come up with tomorrow? The sky is the limit!!

After my leg op two weeks ago there are many potential consequences.

As I have been told to just keep my leg elevated and not on the ground, I'm pretty much stuck to my armchair, hence this wobbly post today. I was very conscious from the start to not turn the tv on until the afternoons, but that rule has been broken this week as I'm not as mobile as I was hoping I would be.

Talkback radio fills the mornings while I read and do crosswords, read books online for our Grandsons to access (my pure joy) and the occasional naps (sleeping is still a nightmare😖)

I've now been able to watch a number of great movies and docos, and love having AFL matches, Formula 1 Races, or other sporting events playing on screen with the volume down. 

Writing posts is also another great escape.

It's not the greatest existence, but it could be worse!!

I'm so conscious of not turning into a Star Wars character, so I'm watching what I eat very carefully, although the medications really kill the hunger significantly.

I even did a huge cook up before going into hospital but that has hardly been touched.

I'm sure the appetite will be coming back soon, I hope so !!

Another consequence of the op and being housebound is that I am not outside on this incredibly bleak day. I'm quite cosy ( although very uncomfortable with the leg pain) in my armchair with a very warm blanket and watching Winter do its thing outside. And the rain has just started on cue for the end of school bell, and I'm relishing the fact that I'm not doing yard duty or bus duty at school. The rain would always start just as school finishes, and always on the days I'd be on duty. 

That's a consequence I'm quite pleased with.

So Readers, I always try to drop a little bomb for you to consider or think about, and this time it's what are the consequences of some of the things you do?

Start with the simply minor. Did you acknowledge someone today, or give someone a smile? 

The consequences of such a 'minor' action could be massive when you really think about it.

Were you in a bad mood because someone made you wait an extra minute or so (or less) for something that wasn't really that important, and you took it out on them, or someone else?

You just didn't get your way? Something minor, or something hugely important. Do you react the same way to both?

I could go on and on and it makes me sound like I'm preaching, which I'm not.

All I'm trying to put forward in this post is the way that I have needed to consider the consequences of piddly things like putting my pants on correctly and then how this makes me think about the consequences of more important choices that I make, be they right or wrong. 

So often I never consider the consequences of the things I do, the past two weeks have prompted me to try and be more aware of the need to do so.

Now, in finishing, today is a day for our family that just breaks me, even though it's only the 3rd time it has happened.

Three years ago today Jen passed after her 10 month battle with Leukaemia. It's not just her passing that hurts, but the manner in which it happened and what she went through. I remember it every day, but even more today. 

Rest peacefully Jen,

Forever Loved, Never Forgotten

So that's it for this post Readers, maybe I've given you something to think about, or act on, maybe not. At least I hope you stayed awake until the end!!!

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁