Gratitude
Hi Readers,
A totally different style of post today, but something that I just feel compelled to write about.
Bear with me !!
This has been influenced by quite a few experiences of late, and it seems like they have all collided and prompted me to put some thoughts down.
We all like to get good service, correct? We sort of expect it, but whenever it's less than what we expect we tend to be quick to complain afterwards to our friends, or even on the spot to whoever is dealing with us.
How often do we take time to acknowledge the good things we encounter, when we might be ultra quick to complain about the bad things ?
In a previous post I wrote about how grateful I was to be in a running group, and how we celebrated the great things about doing our runs together, rather than complaining about our various injuries or how fatigued we were at times.
It's all about creating a positive mindset, keeping the glass half full, looking on the bright side and every other positive thinking cliche I could throw in.
Personally. I hate confrontation, and avoid it as much as I can. It always makes me feel sick afterwards, but when I have to do it I will if I feel that it is justified.
There is a saying that I often use with my kids at school, "Is it an ant or an elephant?"
This means that we often approach problems with the view that they are massive, like an elephant, when in fact they are more like an ant. The kids (and myself) quickly come to realise that something that we envisage as a huge problem, is actually minor.
Examples that I encounter with adults ( and I'm guilty of these too ) have been things like:
- The photocopier isn't working !! ( We coped without them for a long time before they were so commonplace)
- The internet is slow ! (We've only had it for a relatively short number of years, we could still teach without it then)
- Someone has parked in my space ( a teacher refused to talk to me for years after I unwittingly did this to her !!)
- I missed 3 minutes of my lunch break ( It happens to us all)
- "You have 11 items and this is the 10 item express checkout"
- etc
So what am I getting at?
Just say Thank You
Rather than complain and whinge when things don't really go our way, I decided to turn things around for my own benefit so that I'd be happier, rather than harbouring small grudges.
If someone was polite and gave good service, I'd actually comment on it to them and thank them. Sometimes they'd probably think I was some sort of weirdo as this generally doesn't happen. They might get a quick "Thanks" and we then go on our way, but when we decide to actually elaborate on this and say why we are thanking them, it becomes more personal and authentic. I'm yet to experience someone who hasn't been taken aback when I do this, but they have always appreciated it.
Who knows, their previous customer may have been a Karen/Kevin who gave them a blast and made them feel less than worthwhile. Even if they had not been providing good service beforehand, perhaps a bouquet instead of a brick can be the difference to them.
An example of this occurred a few months ago, when I was travelling regularly between Melbourne and Bendigo every few days. I'd stop at a Macca's just out of Melbourne ( as just about every other Bendigo person does too !) and go through the drive-thru to get a coffee for the trip home, about 90mins.
Usually the line is slow, so I decided to forget about what I saw as a negative, and look for a positive. When it was my turn to order, the worker was chirpy and polite and it straight away got rid of any tension I was feeling from waiting in the line. As I paid, I made sure that I complimented the worker on their politeness and how it made me feel a lot happier too. The look I got was priceless. He just beamed and was so gracious in saying thank you to me. He felt good, I felt good. Winner Winner !
I decided to do this each time I passed through this outlet, and I got a similar response each time from each different worker. It soon became a habit, and not something I had to remember to do.
I then took it up a notch and when I got to the next window I'd say how polite and cheerful the worker was in the previous window, and if my sentiments could be passed on to the manager.
Often I'd get the "Weirdo" look back, and who can be sure if my comments were passed on. But maybe my comments may have in some small way prompted this worker to think about how they might be perceived, and try to be different also?
I know they are usually flat out, and cop heaps of abuse, so maybe this intermittent piece of "Thank you, you're doing a great job" could be the difference between a good day and a bad day. For both of us.
I know I always drove away with my coffee feeling happy, rather than cranky at having to wait a little.
Care Packs
I got this idea first of all from my wife, Jenny, who is also a teacher.
She had a colleague who was going through a bit of a rough time at work and she wanted to do something that would cheer her up, was very low key and still privided that colleague with the knowledge that support and help was only a moment away.
So what Jen did was go to the supermarket and grab the items below, and add a little note to go with each of them.
Overseas readers, you may not be as familiar with the slogans for each of these that we use in Australia, but I'm sure you'll get the drift.
The items were placed in a bag and left on the colleagues' desk and that was it. No big ceremony, just very discreet.
"To help you Work, Rest and Play"
"Life's pretty straight without these"
"This will change the colour of your day"
"For whenever you are having a 'moment'"
It only seems like a little thing, but it makes a big difference.
I've used the same idea so many times now, just to boost people up at times when they are under the pump, feeling low, under stress or just needing a pick me up and to let them know they are valued.
We've all heard the saying "It's better to give than receive" ? Try this, and you'll know how accurate this is.
Here's another example of one I have seen that I'd like to try. The recipient would be touched for sure by the effort and sentiment behind such an action.
The Letter Box and Wanted Poster
Last year I went back to the classroom after 11 years in other roles at different schools. I'd always planned and hoped to have my own class again before I retired, and last year was when that wish came to fulfilment.
Over 11 years I had collected so many ideas that I wanted to try in my own class if I had the chance again, and here are two that worked brilliantly.
My only regret is that I had to take leave from August due to a family illness and I wasn't able to see the year out. I'm still on this leave, but hopefully I may still be able to implement them if/when I get back to my new class this year.
The Letter Box.
We did a lot of groundwork and preparation beforehand on how we can give feedback to each other in positive ways. Kids don't always feel confident in saying it face to face ( nor do adults ) but can be more confident writing it down.
Over the course of the week they were encouraged to write down little positive messages to each other, and 'post' them in their envelopes.
Each Friday, the "Postman" would make the call for everyone to go and collect their mail and have a read.
It was just so nice to see them all sitting around the room reading their notes, with little smiles appearing on their faces, and furtive glances around the room as they tried to figure out who wrote them . (It was optional to sign your name)
At first, and as I expected, they found it easy to do as they always wrote mainly to their friends. I wanted to be sure that each child received a few letters each week ( imagine not getting one !!) so the envelopes were always left partly open so that they could see who had a lot of notes and who did not have many. I checked each day and made sure that I wrote at least one to every child.
On the board each morning there would be a run down of the day, and I'd write something like "After setting up, 3 notes to be done", "Write a note to someone you haven't written to yet" etc
I'd have small paper squares ready for them, and I'd give verbal reminders too.
As the year went on, the notes began to be more specific and meaningful to each child.
They would comment on what they had seen that child doing, how they were trying and ways that they were making the class a better place. We avoided things like "You're a nice writer' "You keep your desk tidy" etc. It was about the person.
In his book "The Resilience Project", Hugh Van Cuylenburg talks about Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness.
He refers to a study by the American psychologist Martin Seligman where participants were asked to follow a certain technique.
They were asked to write down 3 things that went well each day, along with an explanation why each good thing happened.
They soon found out that when humans take time to look for and think about the good things that happen to them every day, after one month our brains start scanning the world for positives rather than negatives.
Cannot recommend this book highly enough !!!
This happened with my class. At first they needed prompts for things to write about, and reminders to put notes in. At first they asked how many notes they were to do, to which I replied "As many as you like whenever you like". I did not want to quantify it. Of course, some did more than others, but they all did it.
A card that we read through a lot just to focus on the little things, that mean so much.
Over time it became a natural process in our room, and they became more perceptive at looking out for things to write notes about.
I clearly remember one day when I was working with one child and he had absolutely busted his guts to do the best he could with some work, so I highlighted this with the class publicly.
As soon as I had finished there was flurry of kids going to get the note paper to write notes for him and post them.
Couldn't have been prouder !
I have kept all the notes that I'd received last year, they are a great thing to reflect on.
Wanted
A large copy of this was on the board, with an envelope attached to it.
Each day the photo of a different class member was placed on the poster, usually at the end of the previous day so that they knew who the 'Wanted' child was for the next day.
Over the course of the next day each child was to write down a positive comment about that person and place it in the envelope.
At the end of the day, that child would just collect all of the comments and take them home.
There was no checking, and if anything, what I was most proud of was the fact that there were no silly comments or unkind ones. I'd asked the kids to let me know if they did get negatives, and they assured me they hadn't. Perhaps a few light hearted jokey ones, but when this happened we would just refresh ourselves with the purpose of what we were doing, and all would be good again.
It was all about the culture that we had developed that enabled these two ideas to work as well as they did.
And now for my most successful classroom acknowledgement strategy...
Muttley
Call this childish, I don't care, but I'll defend this until I go to my grave !!!
Muttley is my all time favourite cartoon character, always has been, always will be. "Animal" from the Muppets a close second !
I have printed off loads of these pictures, about the size of a postcard.
Each day I give out a "Muttley Award", something from me to highlight what I have valued in a student for that day. It is so closely related to our Wanted and Letterboxes, but I ham it up so much about Muttley and how special he is to me that the kids really get a sense of what the award is about. My comments are written on the back.
Our school gives out two weekly awards per class per week at our assemblies, but this is my way of acknowledging kids more often rather having them wait weeks to receive an award. It also enable me to highlight behaviours that I have noticed on that day, rather than days ago.
At the end of the day there is a big drum roll and I read it out and elaborate if needed.
The kids play it down a bit, but I realise how special it is when I hear their parents saying how proud their kids are when they get one and how they are placed prominently in their home.
I've even been told from kids I taught more than twenty years ago how they still have their Muttleys, even my own 3 boys. Some of these former students are also my colleagues now !!
I fully realised how much my class of 2021 valued them when they asked if they could do a 'Peer Muttley' each day. This means that I'd select someone secretly to do it each day and smuggle a Muttley award to them. During the day they would choose a classmate and write on the back the reason for their selection. Only myself and the chosen child would know who was doing the Peer Muttley each day.
They really valued this one so much, and they would never let the day finish if the Muttley's for the day hadn't been given out !!
Everyday Thank You
The idea of saying thank you is not hard. Often we ( including me) do it so flippantly that perhaps the meaning is lost.
I just wanted to mention ways that we can do it so that it is more meaningful and has an impact on us, and those who we are thanking.
Just a short final one.
Every few days we attend the Peter Mac hospital here in Melbourne for a few hours.
To get into the hospital we are required to check in with a QR code and display our Vaccination status, things I have no problem with whatsoever.
These are checked very closely by staff at the front tables that are set up.
There is one bloke in particular who is often at one of these tables, and it must be a tedious task asking the same question to every person as they come in.
I asked him about this one day and he was surprised that I was initiating a discussion with him. He told me that at most he gets grunts, or indignation from people who feel they are above having to present this information to him in order to enter the hospital. He said he even gets a bit of abuse.
Once again, who is this weirdo being nice ???
Over the past few weeks, I see this man often and show my status each time and have a quick chat.
At first he would be seated as he checked everyone.
Now, when we come in he gets up out of his chair, walks around the table and comes closer (still social distancing !!) smiling and wishing a good morning/afternoon. He still checks our credentials, but it is actually a pleasant experience for both of us as we are making an effort to make a mundane experience a better one.
The same applies when we are leaving, he gets up out of his chair, comes towards us and wishes us all the best.
He doesn't have to do this, but it all stems from valuing him and what he is doing, the payback being how welcome he makes us feel.
Well Readers,
Quite a lengthy piece today, but something that I am quite passionate about.
This is only a toe in the water, I could write chapters on this topic.
No silly stories or embarrassing moments to talk about, but I hope it at least encourages you to reflect on the impact that you can have on others by doing such a simple act of acknowledging others.
Trust me, it makes you feel good!!
Until my next post...
Cheers 😁
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