Nobody's Perfect

Hi Readers,

Back onto the horse without another lengthy wait in between posts, this one must have been nagging at me a lot! So, here I go.

This post could be a bit wayward at times as I try to explain myself, so I'll apologise early for that. You see, I came across two different ideas in some things I had been reading so I'm going to attempt to combine them in one. I guess I'll probably be the only one who can tell if I've managed to do them both justice and explained myself the way I was hoping.

Here goes!!

Former Wallaby's Captain John Eales was known as an all round good guy and a great World Cup winning captain for Australia. For a while there was a story going around about his nickname, but this has since been disproven as it was the result of a journalist getting a story wrong. But it's still a great story!!

According to the story, Eales was nicknamed "Nobody".

Why 'Nobody'? Because Nobody's perfect, and Eales was as close to that as anyone could imagine. So he copped that as a nickname, or so we were lead to believe.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

I guess we can all think of people who we would consider as perfect in our eyes, but when it really comes down to it, we could just as easily identify tiny little things about them that annoyed us, peeved us, mildly got on our nerves or well and truly pissed us off!! 

Yet, they were still as close to perfect as possible when we think of them.

For me I can only think of Jen as perfect, especially since losing her as I only want to preserve the greatest memories I have of her. To me she will always be remembered as perfect.

But she would be the first to admit that she knew the things about herself that got on my nerves at times, just as much as there were SO MANY things about me that got on her nerves. Believe when I say I know this. She'd often tell me !!!!!

And that was one of the things that was great about her.

These were the things that ended up bringing us even closer together as it gave us something to accept about each other and to identify and acknowledge our own faults and frailties. If I was able to be honest with myself about the things that I do that bug others, only then could I begin to be critical of others.

If we were perfect, then how boring would things be? Nothing to work on to better ourselves, no challenges to strive for and humbleness would just walk out the door!

We've all come across someone who we would like to give a few gentle hints to as to how they might annoy us from time to time. Or even more regularly. But do we?

I'd say that generally we don't as we just don't want to upset the apple cart and cause friction. Or maybe that's just how I prefer to operate, as I know some people who are so intolerant of the habits of others that they just blurt out their displeasure and let them have it. As a result they themselves can then be viewed negatively as a result of their own reactions.

So Readers, I'm putting out a question to you.

Can you think of someone you know who doesn't have a single thing that they do/don't do, say/don't say etc that bugs you even just that little bit? It might be a huge irritation to you, or just a tiny itch, but an irritation just the same.

Or do you consider yourself at times to be doing better than average at times and wishing that others could try a bit more to be like you?

I'll be the first to admit that I've thought like that at times, as much as I'm ashamed to point that out now.

To start the ball rolling, I'm more than happy to point out the things about myself that I'd say would bug others. Jen always told me that I'd go into things too hard at first rather than taking time to prepare little steps along the way. This was evident whenever we did renovations, I'd go in too hard right from the start and wear myself out and then the usual injuries and ailments would start piling up. She was so right ! I'd then get angry when I got the inevitable "I told you so", which I so richly deserved.

I get impatient too quickly and tend to look at the big picture too much instead of the way to get there. I acknowledge all these things as they frustrate me also, but at least I know I need to work on them. I don't always get it right but these are just the first few of a few million things I need to work on.

After thinking about this for the past few days, it become clearer to me that you don't have to love or like EVERYTHING about someone to love or like them.

I can think of a particular habit a close friend has that bugs me, but I also find it endearing at the same time. Does that make sense?

This person has other things that annoy me from time to time, but the qualities that I love about this person far outweigh the the things that grate on my nerves. I'd expect this person to be able to identify many things about me that I do that would probably annoy the life out of him, yet I hope that I display and exhibit other qualities that similarly override the ones that are annoying.

Readers, I've just gone back and read through what I've tried to explain and I just don't know if I've explained myself as clearly as I would have hoped, so if you can make sense of it, all the better for you !!

In a nutshell, I appreciate the fact that we aren't perfect as it means we all have something to work towards and in doing so we become more tolerant of others, just as they become more tolerant of us. And along the way we can stop and laugh at ourselves and try to see ourselves through the eyes of others.

We may not ever be perfect, but it can't hurt to just try to be the best that we can be.

Have a break Readers, go and get a tea or coffee or whatever is your vice, stretch your legs and prepare for Round 2 !!

The second thing that I was reading about that really resonated with me was a chapter in a book that focussed on the power of negative thinking, and how it can bring us down if we choose to let it. Normally you'd hear me banging on about the power of positive thinking, but the opposite has a similar effect.

Think about when you put your head down on the pillow each night and you cast your mind back over the day. What consumes your thoughts? The many wonderful things that occurred during the day, or the one or two negative things that happened that are still burning in your mind? The same applies when you wake up in the morning. What do you think about first - the potential good that lies ahead or the potential problems?

Focussing on the negatives before going to sleep was said to contribute to poor sleep patterns developing, hence we wake up tired and where do our first thoughts go to?

Yep, straight to Negative Street!!

It was suggested that if we are thinking negatively before going to sleep, try and turn it around by formulating a positive approach to the problem and focus on what you can do to make things better rather than dwell on how much it brings you down in the first place. Become proactive rather than reactive. In the morning, instead of facing the day with dread and a "Oh no, what will go wrong today", embrace the fact that you are determined to face the day with a 'Can Do' attitude.

I know that many of you may well be thinking right now, "This bloke has lost it completely", but trust me when I say it has worked for me.

I had been going to bed feeling sorry for myself the past few months after a number of surgeries and an ever so slow recovery. I made a firm decision to remind myself each night that rather than being in pain and somewhat incapacitated, I was another day closer to recovery. The same applies each morning when I tell myself that I'll take more steps than yesterday and that my hands will have more movement. It doesn't always happen, but I prepare myself daily in anticipation that I'll be on the mark. And if I have a bad day, I know the next day will be better. At least in my mind I prepare myself for that to happen.

I also experienced a lot of guilt when I found myself worrying about my situation, and then I cast my mind back 12 months to what Jen was going through and I feel so pathetic. Once again, take that perspective pill. If she was here she'd slap me back into reality for sure !!

And that comes back to what I was writing about before "The Intermission". There are things about us, our own 'imperfections' that make us who we are and contribute towards us being more accepting of others.

A fair bit of waffle tonight Readers, but at least I can now clean up the many post-it notes laying around our house and on my bedside table that contain the fragments of ideas that come to me at all hours of the night and day. I scribble them down as often as they can and use them when doing my posts.

So buy shares in any company that makes Post-it notes!!!

Until my next post,

Cheers  😁

 My Happiest Week 😀

Hi Readers,

BANG!!!

Two posts in less than a week after another long gap between posts. You can definitely tell who is still on leave and has a little bit of time on his hands!!

I actually do have a little bit of spare time on my hands as I went over to spend time with Sam and Phoebe this morning before they head off on a short honeymoon and now I'm waiting for another son, Will, to finish work and then we'll head out for dinner before I head home in the morning.

Having time to myself to think about what I have experienced in the past week has really made me feel so lucky that I am surrounded by the people I have spent most of the past week with. It would be so easy to reflect on all of the things that can bring one down, and believe me I've had a few of these lately, but what's the point? Whenever I do find myself doing this I only have to give myself a mental slap and concentrate on the events of this week and I'm back on cloud nine again.

How has the past week been for you?

Having asked this, I'm pretty sure that some of you will be thinking that you have had the crappiest week, and I'm sorry if my asking has dredged up bad memories for you. I sincerely things improve for you. 

The whole idea of this post came to me when I went down to the beach from my digs this morning, a task that sounds much easier than it was. I decided not to use the crutches as I nearly went arse up last week when I was trying to get across the sand and to the water. Today I tried it with the walking stick I am now also using. A bit more discreet than the crutches, but it makes me twice as slow.

Moving across the soft sand I must have resembled one of those giant tortoises that make sundials look fast. I was getting increasingly frustrated at how slow I was, how careful I needed to be and the significant pain in my leg from the effort. Eventually I made it to the water's edge and stood in the ankle deep tide. The soothing effect of the water was just so amazing, perhaps just this simple experience changed my whole mindset, and then I started to think about all of the fantastic experiences I've had in the past week and the huge number of lovely people I've spent this time with.

I was looking down and all I could focus on was my walking stick and my swollen foot and it was only for a second that I was thinking something like "Things aren't great for you right now". This was immediately replaced by a totally new mindset of "How great are things for you right now!!"

Yes, I do have a sore leg, but that's an 'ant' compared to the 'elephant' of the happiest of experiences that I have been having lately. As the waves were washing over my feet I could only remember that well known quote, 

"It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it"

I could wallow in self pity, or bask in the joy of the memories of the past week.

What an easy choice !!

I sort of talk about this in a post from last year, so forgive me for banging on about it again! https://bkerrins63.blogspot.com/2022/10/turn-your-magic-on.html

Regular readers might just have noticed something here.

"Whoa !! He's now putting in direct links to previous posts rather than just mentioning them" For all you know I may have been making it all up.

Back to the beach.

After looking at my elephant man foot and realising that my life was so good, I just looked left and right then straight ahead and realised what a great place I was in, physically and mentally. I soaked up this moment and already my day was continually getting better.

Looking right

Looking left

Obligatory selfie ! Remember, I have to do my own photos now.

Looking straight ahead

Now I can almost hear some of you saying that of course it would be easy to be thinking so positively when one is not at work and is on a beautiful beach on a glorious day, and I agree with you. But just before I ventured down to the beach I was feeling a bit sorry for myself as I knew that my time up here was quickly coming to an end and reality would bite me in the bum next week when I head back to work. That's when the time of searching for the positives becomes a habit and one's mindset can change in the blink of an eye. I was also pleased for the fact that I immediately searched for the positives, and it just happened so quickly, something else that I mentioned in this post from last year...

https://bkerrins63.blogspot.com/2022/11/small-habits-big-difference.html

There he goes again trying to look like he's a tech wiz, when in reality he's a definite amateur !! But if you want to go back and look at this post, there's the direct link.

I sincerely hope that it is becoming a habit for me and not something that I consciously have to try and do.

So what other events have blessed my life in the past week? As you'd expect, most stem from the wedding and spending time with my boys, time that is just so precious to me now more than ever.

Something that really struck me at the wedding, and the night before as well as the night after was just how happy everyone was. Wherever I went, whoever I spoke with, there was just so much happiness, smiles laughter...you name it, it was there. Once again, people could be thinking "Yeah, pretty easy up there in Qld in that environment", but I'd say it was much more than that.

So much more.

After thinking a lot about this, my view is that it is the pure quality of the people who we spent this time with. Here I am, old enough to be the parent of most of these friends of Sam and Phoebe, but did that matter at all? Not one bit. The way that all of them were so welcoming to me (and our boys) made the nights together an absolute blast. I was treated just like one of their friends. And the same applies to their many friends who I had never met before, they were just so keen to come up and have a talk, a beer or a hug. One even tried to get me on the dance floor!!! It says so much about them as individuals, but also collectively as a group as they have stayed so close right through their early teenage years to today where they are now getting into their early 30's and starting their own families. Just to see them enjoying each other so genuinely was a joy to watch, and to be welcomed into this was something so special.

I'll always remember this event as 'the Happy wedding'

The happiness from Sam and Phoebe was just so infectious.

And it continued onto the dance floor !

Maybe I'm looking through the rose coloured glasses again, but in a time when the young people of today are often portrayed negatively, I have nothing but admiration for the large number of Sam and Phoebe's friends who clearly defy this type of labelling. 

And saving one of the best bits for last, the time I got to spend with our grandson Henry, the absolute love of mine and Jen's lives. The little man is now talking a lot more, is continually active and just loves nothing more than having a good old fashioned play. Being involved in his life is my absolute joy, I just wish that Jen was able to share in this with me.

He definitely impressed at the wedding and it was just so nice to see him being as much a part of it as his parents. Not hard to see that his Pop is totally smitten with this 

young man 🥰 😍

Now for a slight divergence, but something that really struck me in the most positive way.

When I checked into my digs a week ago, I noticed a bowl of small tiles on the counter. On each tile is a positive mindset quote or word/s. Talk about a bee to a honey pot!!

After my 'enlightenment' at the beach this morning I committed to myself to go into the office and pick out three random tiles and use them in my post today.

Here's what I ended up with...

The bowl of tiles.

To me this spoke about the willingness of Sam and Phoebe's friends to embrace us all so warmly over the past week, even when I kept forgetting their names, they just didn't care. Also their own willingness to continue to strengthen their own collective friendships, bonds that will clearly last forever. They are a very fortunate group of people.

Yep, I've spoken a lot about this over the journey, probably the one thing that I've learnt to appreciate the most over the past 18 months.

https://bkerrins63.blogspot.com/2022/12/taking-things-for-granted.html

At first this one seemed a little odd to me, but then I just got it. You all might interpret it in your own way, but for me it just encourages me to pursue my blogging in the manner that it has taken a different direction since we lost Jen. Previously I'd never consider being so open in my posts, but now I just don't let it worry me. It helps me to cope with moving on and to accept that being vulnerable is okay.

Some things just present themselves to you at the right time, and this tile is an example of that for me.

And finally, the blackboard outside the office where I'm staying...

And before you think it, no, I'm not staying in a cult in the mountains beyond the 

Gold Coast !!!

This summed up my week. Not everything was perfect, but it was filled with perfect moments, and they made it my happiest week. 

Once again Readers, just another bang on from my part, but as I said, I enjoy the writing each time that I do it and it gives me so much time to think and reflect on the things  that happen in my life and the people who mean so much to me.

Until my next post...

Cheers 😁

 Wedding Bells 🔔

Hi Readers,

Once again I open by confessing to being slack and not posting for a while, but please trust me when I say I've had a bit on lately.

I'm currently sitting in my accommodation in Qld enjoying having quality time with my family. More about that later.

As many of you would know from previous posts, I have been getting a bit of work done on my body due to various injuries. Three weeks ago I had to take a day off and get some treatment on my shoulder and part of this involved getting a cortisone shot. We all look forward to these like we need a hole in the head, but the temporary relief that they offer is usually worth the discomfort (I'm using that word lightly!) that comes with having it done.

Anyway, there was a bit of a delay in getting it done due to some problems being experienced by the patient in the room I was due to go in for my needle. One of the nurses came and sat with me and was making small talk to pass the time. Among many things, it came up that I was going to attend our son's wedding in a week or two and that I was so looking forward to it. It also came up that my wife Jen wouldn't be there as she passed away last year. I usually avoid talking about this, but she kept asking who was in the family, where they lived etc and then she asked how we as parents were feeling seeing the first of our sons getting married. That's how it came up that Jen had died.

After a lengthy wait I was taken in, the doctor came in and splashed so much disinfectant liquid on my arm and shoulder that I thought he was going to put needles in the entire length of my arm!

Now the moment comes and just before he starts he says "This is going to hurt". 

Thanks!! I'd rather wait and see for myself rather than being told, but as I've had so many cortisone shots over the past 4 years I knew what to expect.

When that needle went in I experienced the usual deep set throbbing pain as the needle goes in and around trying to find the right spot. I'll confess that it brought tears to my eyes, but I knew this would only last a minute or so. Unfortunately, the needle on this day took a little longer. Even though it went in my shoulder, it felt like it was coming out my backside, such was the depth of how deep I thought he was going.

During this time there was a nurse in front of me and one behind me steadying me while I sat on the table. At one stage when it was at its most painful, one of them decided to distract me with more small talk, but what she decided to talk about brought more tears to my eyes, but for. different reason!

The opening questions were something like:

"It must be so hard knowing that your wife won't be at the wedding

"How will you cope without her being there?" and so on.

I could barely engage in discussion while the needle was being done, but then to try and respond to questions like this made it even more difficult.

As they began to realise that I was finding it too emotional to discuss, they then continued the discussion between themselves, with me in the middle hearing every bit of it.

I'm sure they meant well, but for me it just didn't work on the day. I wasn't angry at them, just a bit surprised that they thought this was okay to talk about.

Anyway, needle finally is done, I put on my shirt, dry my eyes and head home to spend the rest of the day on the couch. I'll also mention that I was unwell at the time too with crook throat and cold (not covid, I tested!!)

The next day at school the kids asked about the needle and one of them asked if I had a tear. I told them the story of how I had tears at the start due to the pain, then finished with tears of sorrow as I was quizzed so much about Jen.

They knew that I was also unwell as my voice was so croaky, I was still on crutches due to my leg and I was still recovering from recent hand surgery.

Then one of the kids comes out with "So you had a Triple S day"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know, three S's. You were Sick, Sad and Sore"

I couldn't agree more and the simplicity of this description just put everything in place and made me feel so much better.

Sometimes kids can just help us get our perspective back so quickly.

Be patient Readers, I'm getting to the wedding, but first some further digressions as I build up to it.

As I drove down to the airport last Sunday I was constantly overthinking everything. Have I got this, done that, organised this etc.

As I drove into the airport I got got confused and must have missed a turn somewhere and ended up in the long term carpark where I had booked my car in for the time I was away.

As I unpacked and headed towards the terminal I just had this nagging feeling "Have you parked in the correct carpark?"

By the time I struggled on crutches with my luggage and walked a very long distance to the terminal I needed, I very quickly realised that I had parked in the wrong carpark. My flight was in 2 hours and it took me 30 mins to walk from the car to the check in desk. I asked the lady at the desk if it would matter that I'd parked in the wrong terminal and she said that while I could leave the car there, I'd be charged at a much higher rate. Check in was still 30 mins away and I knew that I couldn't get back to the car, shift it and make it back in time for my flight. She realised this and straight away took my luggage and checked me in 30 mins before it was open. I was off in a flash (not that one can be flash on crutches) got back to my car, shifted it to the correct carpark and made it back with 20 mins to spare. And was I knackered!!

I thought that was the end of my troubles until it came to going through security.

I put all my stuff in the trays and sent it through. Then the attendant said I couldn't take my crutches through and that they needed to be taken away to be checked. I somehow hobbled through the scanner, collected my belongings, then looked for my crutches. I saw another attendant with them and he went and placed them on a table about 40 meters away. 

Great.

I managed to get his attention and signalled that they were my crutches. With an over exaggerated roll of the eyes he picked them up and brought them over to me, then sat down in a chair nearby just watching everyone. Boy did he make me feel that I'd been a severe burden on him!!!

Now I was ready, nothing else could go wrong.

Until boarding time.

I'd paid extra for my seat selection so that I had extra legroom and a window seat so that my leg would't get bumped. As I handed over my boarding pass I was quickly told "Sir, you cannot sit in an exit row if you are on crutches". My look of exasperation must have been obvious, and she quickly responded with "Sir, we will make sure you still get a seat with extra legroom"

Sounded okay until I found where this seat was.

An aisle seat, where I was told I could leave my foot in the aisle. There was no way I wanted it kicked, bumped, tripped over or run over so I just put it under the seat in front of me, made it as comfortable as I could and was asleep before the plane even started taxiing. 

After all of that I finally hit the Gold Coast and have been spending quality time with family and friends as we prepared for the wedding.

The Wedding

Friday was very cloudy, hot and humid with lots of rain predicted. Luckily it held off until later in the evening.

The church quickly filled, many were still a little shabby after a great night the night before where we all met at a local club.

I could see that Sam was pretty edgy as the photo shows, he just wanted to get everything started.

Everything started beautifully, their son Henry was entertaining the crowd playing with his cousin Adelaide all over the front of the church. Their biggest worry was hoping that he didn't lose the rings that he was carrying!!

When it came to the vows, the priest said "Phoebe and Simon..."

There were furtive glances around the church as everyone had looks of disbelief at what they just heard.

A moment later he said it again, referring to Sam as "Simon", but this time a lot of people called out "SAM".

The priest looked quizically at us all then proceeded onwards.

Only to do it a THIRD time!!! However this time the whole congregation called out "SAM" and the place was filled with laughter.

The priest apologised and then ducked over to the certificates that he had prepared earlier. He then turned and faced us all and said "Yes, I do have Sam written down here", to which everyone laughed and clapped. He apologised, and totally owned it. No-one was offended or thought less of him. A simple mistake that he owned and moved on from. He did such a great job.

They couldn't have been more happier

A quick change out of the suit and to the Surf Club for a fantastic night

The happy couple during the speeches.

Not often the four of us are together, so we make the most of every opportunity.

So privileged and proud of them all today.

My turn to say a few words.

The whole day was just a joy to be part of. When it came to my turn to say a few words I found it so easy to speak about the joy of first meeting Phoebe in Venice many years ago, and then how she just embraced our family so lovingly. It then became incredibly hard as I needed to acknowledge Jen's absence, something which I was dreading as I knew I'd struggle with it. Sam and Phoebe became engaged well before Jen got sick, and then Covid caused postponements, then her illness resulted in more.

She would have been so proud to have been standing there beside me yesterday watching this beautiful celebration, and to not have her there was glaringly obvious. We are all sure that she was there in some special way and would have just loved everything about the day.

The support given to me and the boys last night by so many people was just so touching, and it speaks volumes about the quality of the people that Sam and Phoebe are surrounded by. They are very lucky people who we love dearly.

The day we first met in Venice

Well Readers,

Nothing prophetic about this post, just a ramble about some of the happiest days I've been able to experience in such a long time, days that I will cherish forever.

Now I'm off to participate in some more celebrating with the people I love more than anything.

It has been a great few days.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😀