Home Is Where The Heart Is...

Hi Readers,

Well today has been a great day, but also a not so great day all wrapped up in one. And each part could not have happened without the other, sad to say.

You see, just under two weeks ago a person who I grew up with in my hometown passed away rather quickly after being diagnosed with a serious illness. We had spent quite a bit of time mucking around together in our childhood years, and pretty much had little to do with each other after I moved away, save for the year when I last played football for the local club. On the rare occasions when we would cross paths he was always just so friendly and welcoming, that's just the sort of bloke he was. As is his family.

Today was his funeral and it was held on the local football ground as it was clearly going to be a big show and there are no indoor facilities big enough there to cater for the anticipated crowd. How ironic that the local ground is named in his father's honour due to the legacy he left when he passed many years ago.

So today the sun didn't really come up. If it did, we didn't see it until very late in the afternoon when I was coming home. We were shrouded in thick fog all morning and it was very cold to say the least. No rain, so that was a blessing. 

As I was parking my car I started to wonder "Will I remember everyone? Or anyone?

My worries were put to rest as soon as I parked my car, as I hear someone say "Hey Bernard". It was the parents of one of my childhood friends and they were struggling a bit getting out of their car and across some mud. An outstretched hand was all they needed and a quick chat as we walked towards the ground filled us in with the main things we had been up to over recent years. Three people sharing 30 years in just 2-3 minutes.

Little did I know how many times this scenario would repeat itself over the next few hours.

I ran into quite a number of people who I hadn't really seen in 30 years or more, and each time it was just a quick summary of what each had been up to in that time. Nothing rushed at all, and anything that was shared was all that needed to be shared.

This was a different funeral setting, nothing like I had attended before, but for this person it was just perfect. And also perfect for the large community of mourners who came to pay their respects. There were seats for those who needed them, while the majority just stood in a large semi circle facing the podium and video truck that was transmitting the images. It was casual, but also so very organised at the same time.

As I entered the ground, casually chatting with an old acquaintance, I caught sight of an old boarding school mate who I last saw at a reunion 8 years ago. We were good friends at boarding school, but not what I'd call close. Today that was totally different. 

A warm embrace and once again we found ourselves seemingly continuing on from our last discussions all those years ago. Clearly, the bonds we formed so long ago have remained strong. Rather than chat about superficial things, we were pretty much straight in to talking about how we really were, our families, our health and hopes for the future. Also about our upcoming reunion that he was really looking forward to.

He very respectfully asked a few questions about Jen's passing and how I was coping, showing genuine respect and concern as I was responding. At one point he asked if I had thought about looking into perhaps searching for another partner, as many others have done, but this was the first time where I have felt comfortable with my response as he was able to put me at rest with his well measured and heart felt advice. From being friends, but not close all those years ago, today was just like cream on a cake.

As I alluded to in the opening paragraph, it was a great day, but also a not so great day. Everything great happened because a friend had died and had brought us all together again.

I'd rather that our friend hadn't passed in order for this to happen.

There were a number of other catch ups from long lost friends and acquaintances and each time it was just like we had seen each other yesterday instead of more than 30 years ago.

Everyone had a different role in my life, whether that be going to school together, boarding school, our families being friends, playing sport together or working together, which I did with the person whose funeral it was.

And this brings me to the focus of this post.

Home is where the heart is.

I have lived in a number of towns and cities since I left home to go to boarding school, and I have never really considered a place as my "home", even if I had lived there for a number of years. I lived in Ballarat for about 16 years, and now Bendigo for 26 years, but to me they just aren't home, just places I've lived. Our sons might think differently as this is primarily where they were raised. Even when I have travelled interstate, or even overseas, while I am there I keep thinking that I don't want to go back to Bendigo. But where do I want to go???? I just don't know...  I just don't feel where my "home" is.

As I was looking around the crowd at the funeral and at the cemetery, I recognised so many faces and spoke with so many people who all had a special place in my upbringing. And while walking the 15 minutes or so to the cemetery, and back again to my car, I was able to take in the sights, sounds and memories of the environment around me and I realised that this was what really helped me to develop into who I am. Just looking at the mist on the nearby hill that overlooks the township took me back to all those years playing outside on our bikes and just finding our own fun. At one point I was walking alongside a creek where we'd dare each other to try and swim in it, in particular through some tunnels that were clearly dangerous. What were we thinking back then? 

Then I saw the tree that we would always climb and jump off into the channel, the best childhood memories. Just that 30 mins or so of walking along a short road engendered just so many memories, ones that don't get stirred when I occasionally drive through the town.

But after having the memory pot stirred on this walk, and also while listening to the eulogies for our departed friend, I recalled so many of these involved him also.

Sadly it took his passing for me to experience this again.

But perhaps the greatest part of the day involved the catching up with three absolutely special friends who I have always been close to, and today was the first time we had been in the same place at the same time since I don't know when. We didn't gather as a foursome today, but at one point there were three of us together, and we all caught up with each other anyway. One of them was involved in the ceremony today as it was her brother who had passed, so she was flat out catching up with everybody, but it was still just so good to see the three of them. When Jen was really sick in Melbourne and in hospital, I was living in nearby accommodation. Visitors to the accommodation were not permitted due to the risks of infections being transmitted, so I could only meet them outside on the footpath, even though Jen was in the hospital nearby. No surprise that it was these three who made special trips to come and see me and walk the streets of North Melbourne with me, giving their total support. I'll never forget that, it made the worst time in my life just that little bit more bearable. I can trust these three with anything.

And who would have thought that when I was sitting in class with them, or playing tennis or footy with them nearly 50 years ago that I'd be writing this about them today. Just last year we had been saying that we needed to get together, what a shame it has finally happened under the circumstances of today.

Yep. Home is where the heart is.

So after my experiences today I think that I know where "home" is if anyone asks me. 

My hometown. 

I won't go back and live there, not because I don't want to, I just don't think that it will happen. I know where my final resting place will be and that's just up the road from where I live, there is no other option on that for sure. It might not be "home", but it's the only place I want to be placed, with Jen. My remains might end up in White Hills, but my heart will always have a special place for my hometown, just as Jen considered Port Fairy to be her "home".

And while on the subject of cemeteries, while I was standing and watching the burial, I was in a direct line and only 10m or so from our brother's grave and our parent's grave. I'm pretty sure that they felt this was their "home", and I felt content that they were resting peacefully there.

Today wasn't just a funeral for one person and his family. I could really sense the impact of his death on the whole community, such was his standing and how much the people in this community value each other.

I for one consider myself extremely fortunate to have spent just a portion of my life there, and it reinforces that saying, that "Home is where the heart is".

Until my next post,

Cheers ♥️