Be You !!
Hi Readers,
Over the past few weeks I have attended funerals for two blokes who were my age, and who I grew up with. What really struck me at last week's funeral was that this person had lots of plans to do things with his wife in the next year or so until he was suddenly cut down by an aggressive illness that took him way too soon. Sadly their plans are not to be.
For my other friend who passed away recently, also to an aggressive cancer, he too had lots of plans for his immediate future with his wife, plans that also will not be.
A few days before he died, he sent me a lengthy letter that I will treasure, and in it he just said that if I was wondering whether I should do some of the things I was thinking about, then I should just go and do them, as we just never know when these opportunities will be taken from us.
Needless to say there has been a fair bit of reflection recently, and part of this has involved thinking about this blog and the posts that I write. I get feedback from readers that is much appreciated, but the only the thing that tends to puzzle me is when people question me about how open I am at times, sometimes raising their eyebrows as if to say "Why do you do this?"
Well, I often ask myself the same question.
At first I was very hesitant to openly express vulnerability, but now it doesn't bother me at all. And what has prompted this post came about when I was browsing through my blog stats recently where it shows which posts have been read each day.
There were quite a few for some reason that day, maybe a new reader, and although I often recall the headings, I often forget the content.
One in particular stood out for some reason, so I clicked on it to see what I wrote that day, and it could not have been more coincidental considering how I have been feeling after these two recent funerals.
It was titled "I've Had Better Weeks" and was written a few days after my sister died in 2022 and just a day or two after Jen suddenly ended up in ICU and was in a critical condition.
Click this link for a quick recap and you'll see what I mean.
This was the first time that I started to write more openly without worrying about what others were thinking about me. It talks about what I had been reading and who I had been listening to that gave me the courage to write with more freedom and not worry about what others would think about it. I wasn't writing to stir people up, I was just sharing the thoughts that I would otherwise keep to myself. The writing was giving me an avenue to express myself when I had no-one else to talk to as I was living in isolation so as to restrict any chances of infections being transmitted to the hospital.
At a time this week where I was questioning as to whether I should cut back the writing and just shut up, reading this post again has given me new incentive to keep pursuing what I really enjoy, and what helps me in so many ways.
And more coincidence, last week I met a colleague for lunch as he is on leave. I actually really dislike referring to him as a colleague, he is just a really good friend, and we caught up as friends rather than ex work colleagues.
He mentioned my writing and how he liked that I was prepared to be open and honest, just the support that I was needing and something that has prompted this post too, giving me the motivation to really get off my arse and get back into doing the thing that keeps me sane!!
So after a lengthy introduction, I can finally get to the point of this post.
Be You.
I'm sure you'll all agree that we can tend to portray ourselves differently at times according to the situations we are in or to who we are with. Or is that just me?
I found that was what I was doing with my writing. For the first few years I was just writing fluffy staff, or just talking about things that I had done. I was rarely letting the real me become evident or exposed in what I wrote. The book that I'm currently reading is definitely helping to address that, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F$%K!!"
Boy has that helped me to not worry about what others think!!
So as today is just such a crappy day, and I have no motivation to go outside I may as well bang on here with more of my fluff!
I was in the study recently giving it a tidy up and throwing things out, and I came across a set of farewell notes that I received from the kids at the school I finished at.
One note in particular really grabbed my attention, and also prompted this post.
When I was a student at secondary school I was made to feel like the village idiot with my maths skills, or lack of to be more accurate! The way I was made to feel never left me, and when I became a teacher I vowed to try and never let a student feel the same way about their learning. If I have, then I am so sorry!!
That is why I really dedicated myself to trying to be the best at teaching maths that I could be, and along the way I grew to love it again. If I made any kids feel the same then that would be great. My enthusiasm for the teaching and learning of maths was what really kept me in the game for 38 years, and I'm somewhat disappointed to see the way it is being taught now, but that is not for me to question. When I do CRT days I follow what is prescribed without question, but it still doesn't sit with me. That's just the way it is.
But this approach was something that defined me, and displayed the real me.
I'm not saying that I know maths, but I feel that I can at least make it fun to do.
Now back to the note that I found in the study.
Some people might get offended by something like this, but I couldn't have cared less. I've heard the saying "You're only young once, but you can be immature all of the time", and I'm sure many colleagues over the years will probably say this could apply to me, but having fun was what I always tried to do. If that was who I was, then that was who I was.
There were times that I tried to be super serious like so many others, but I just couldn't hack it, so if "being a kid" was what worked then so be it. It wasn't faked, it was just how I rolled. I'm sure the kids at times wished that I'd act more like a grown up from time to time!!
Probably the best thing about this note is that it helps me to understand how I always had pretty good relationships with the classes that I taught. It wasn't a circus, (contrary to popular opinion!!) I could be firm when needed but in my final years in particular I found that I had the greatest success and enjoyment with this approach and that the kids were. more engaged as a result and easy to teach.
Being You is not a set template that we never deviate from. Well, that's what I've grown to think.
Jen and the boys would often tell me that I needed to just try and be calmer, as I'd often be on the move, always doing things and just not sitting and relaxing. It would be a running joke about how many times I'd get up and do things when watching a movie for example, I always seemed to get up and get something, or do something else while watching the movie at the same time.
Over the past 4 years now, I really think that has changed as I now don't mind just going and sitting on the swinging chair out on the porch, or playing music and just sitting or laying down and listening to it. Even better with a cold drink in my hand especially if I've just come off an exercise session (some things just don't change!)
I even walk barefoot on the grass and feel it between my toes!!
And how's this one.
I even burn incense in the house and out on the porch!!! This came about after walking into a shop in Ballarat last year and smelling it and realising how calming it was. I have boxes and boxes of the stuff, diffuser sticks in bottles and a diffuser going all the time in the living room. I even explore different scents and in my own mind am becoming my own expert in choosing which ones work best for me.
I do love a good linen shirt for comfort, but just don't think that I'll gravitate to a kaftan.
Yet!!!
I did mention earlier that I sometimes can't sit still long enough. Lately I've noticed if I sit still for not very long on the couch I more often than not nod off, so I'm sort of trying to avoid the couch during the day! Maybe that's also the legacy of getting up so early every morning.
Part of 'being me' is daily exercise. I've always done it, it makes me feel good and I can't see it changing. Perhaps that's also why I have so many injuries and ailments. As I type here I have my hand in a splint that I have been told to wear for god only knows how long. As regulars know, I recently had a hand op. While the recovery is slow, I can accept that.
Last week while having a post op check done, I mentioned some problems I was experiencing with my thumb. The surgeon said that this was mainly due to the advancing arthritis that I have. He did say that it could possibly be sort of fixed with another op that was quite detailed. No promise of fixing it, and it also came with the news that I'd lose the function to grip with my thumb as significant bone would be cut out. So when faced with the option of a permanent sore hand or a non functioning one, the choice was fairly simple.
I also had to choose between getting the required op on my other hand, or the one on my shoulder. As I didn't want to be faced with two very sore hands at the same time I opted for the shoulder, so I have that to look forward to in a few weeks.
Hopefully once I get these done that will be it for surgeries. Touch wood.
This is me, not sick, just falling apart. Or should I say being stitched back together?
But Readers, maybe loving exercise has also been beneficial too.
Just yesterday I was in a business here in Bendigo and the young man who was looking after me just happened to be a past student who I hadn't actually taught as I wasn't in a classroom situation then, but he remembered me very well.
As he was taking my details for a potential purchase I was making, he saw the splint on my hand and noticed my slight limp. He politely asked if these were the result of football injuries, to which I replied "Sort of", as football had contributed to them.
He then asked, "Who are you playing for?"
Do you reckon that floored me!! He was under the impression that I was still playing competitive football!!
I said to him, "Tom, do you have any idea how old I am?", and then told him that I am nearly 63 years old. He just sat there wide eyed and said "B%$#&^%T". He knew I was 'older', but not to that extent, so maybe the exercise is helping slightly!! He also recalled that when he knew me at school that I would joke around a bit with him and his siblings, maybe that's why he thought I was younger. Or just immature still!!
Well Readers, not much more to add, well actually, I could bang on for ages but you'd need a defibrillator to wake you up again. I am pretty excited about the next few weeks
(exclude the shoulder op) as I recently made bookings for trips to Torquay to visit one son and then Qld to visit another as he and his family come back from Dubai for a few weeks break. Rather than having not much to look forward to, I now have bookings to commit to and have some definite structure in my life for the next period of time. So as soon as this foul weather clears I'm off and really looking forward to it, and exploring some new places along the way.
Until my next post,
Cheers 😁
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