Understanding Yourself

Hi Readers,

A little bit of a gap since my last post, been occupied putting new clips on my YouTube channel and responding to lots of feedback there which has been great.

I seem to spend my time thinking about what to write about here, and what maths clips to make, and at times it seems I get so mixed up between the two that neither get done, then both get done at the same time in a massive flurry !!!

Better time management and organisation could be on the cards (but as usual, I doubt that will happen 😏)

In previous posts I have mentioned where and when we get our inspiration and drive from.

It need not be something major like a massive world event, it could be the simplest of things like something you see down the street, a comment from someone, a line you hear in a song or movie, or something you read in a book.

That's where I'm coming from today, a book reference that really struck a chord with me.

I'm currently reading this book by Ant Middleton, from SAS Australia, the tv show.

Already I can hear some of you thinking ( can you actually do that ??) that surely this loud mouthed, swearing person from the tv show couldn't have something valuable to offer ?

Are you thinking that he writes the book in the same way that he comes across on the show?

I did, until I started to read it.

It just goes to show that we shouldn't always judge a book by its cover !

Yep, that was funny.

Until one reads the book, one would possibly always view Ant in the same way that he is portrayed on the show, but the show is only a tiny part of who he is, something that surprised me and what I wasn't ready for, but now I understand.

Which is the focus of this post today. 

How do others perceive us, and more importantly how do we perceive ourselves?

How well do we really know ourselves, and how much of the real US is displayed to others as compared to what we portray based on their expectations and previous experiences?

You must be thinking already that I have gone and completed a psychologists course in the time that I have been on leave. Far from it, but I've been made to think a lot lately due to the circumstance I find myself in, and the things I have been reading and doing to help me through it.

I'm loving reading Ant Middleton's book, so much so, that I only get to read a few pages each night, as what I read resonates so much that I like to stop and think about what he is talking about. I could easily read 20 pages if I wanted to, but when I come across something that really smacks me between the eyes I tend to finish there for the night and go to sleep thinking about it. For example, last night I only read one paragraph, then stopped !!

I have dog eared so many of the pages to highlight specific quotes and examples that I want to write about, I may as well just fold back every page.

At this rate I should finish the remaining 100 or so pages by 2026 !!

So what was it that captured my attention recently? If I read the same page tomorrow, it might not be as relevant, but at the time I did read it, it was just so clear to me.

He talks about understanding yourself, and if you can manage this, then you will find a way way to achieving your goals that feels natural. If we rely on the ambitions of others to influence us it won't be as authentic to us, and rather than growing personally, we may end up just becoming increasingly frustrated with ourselves.

When people keep telling us what the right career path is for us, and what we should do, we may end up working towards something that we don't understand and end up trying to please them instead of searching for what is best for ourselves.

I'm sure that people have the best intentions when they try to point us in certain directions, but it's often based on their own perceptions of us and what they would like us to be, rather than what we want to be. This can also be due to how we let others see us, and the way we portray ourselves, rather than portraying our real selves.

Personally speaking, I can share an example of this that happened in recent years with me at school.

I always like to joke around with the kids at school and try to give off positive vibes as it has always helped in the way that I establish relationships. I also know where to draw that line in the sand. Or so I thought.

However, one day I had to deal with a student who had been involved in a tiff with a friend, and a firm tone was needed. As much as I tried to be firm with this child, he just kept smirking back at me. This made me increasingly frustrated, to the point where I said loudly "I am serious !!"

His reply? With a laugh he just shook his head and said "Mr K, you're never serious !!"

Well, talk about clarity slapping you in the face. He was so right. I'd been portraying myself as this happy-go-lucky person who could generally deal with things in a friendly manner, to the point where this child saw me in that way only. In his eyes, I could only be 'Good Cop", and never the "Bad Cop". A reality check like this served me well and I deserved it. 

I wasn't in a position where I fully knew myself because I was portraying an image that I was under the impression worked best, when in fact I knew that I needed to display more inner discipline that I knew I had, but just wasn't prepared to do it.

Sometimes it can be easier to be nice than serious, but in reality, is it always the best option? And I know that you can do both, which is where I was falling down.

I hope I've got this under control now.

Middleton also talks about looking at the world from the inside out, being honest with ourselves and following the things that excite us, and possibly scare us too, and when opportunities come our way we may tend to embrace them more rather than avoid them.

Doing this blog is a perfect example for me.

I've always been a thinker, someone who tends to say less but think more. Some of you would probably be saying right now that I should keep saying less, or that I'm a daydreamer, you might be right!

I started this blog way back in 2013 and my content has changed markedly over that time, particularly in the last 9 months.

Here I am, approaching 59 years of age ( 🥴) and I think I'm finally finding the happy place for me as I write my posts. I've read so many books about self help, mindset, positivity and so many other things related to this and wished that I could do the same thing.

So, rather than think and hope, I decided to take the leap and have a crack, and although my waffle is fairly limited in literary content, it lets me think more about the things I believe in and put them down in print.

It's amazing how much more you think about something when you write about it as compared to just having a quick thought then moving on.

Of course I'm nervous about tapping the 'Publish Now' button with each post that I put out, as the vulnerability I feel is very real.

But as I've tried ( and not very well I think) to explain, it's all about putting out who the REAL YOU is, rather than the one you'd like people to see instead. To do this, you need to accept who you are and then let others decide if you are their cup of tea or not.

Looking back over the years it's obvious to me that I have gone with the flow with so many things, did what others did, followed the pack, ignored the chances and opportunities that came my way only because they didn't fit in with the way I portrayed myself to others. And they treated me accordingly.

Now at this stage of my life, I have discovered my 'flow" (read previous posts !) rather than going with the flow.

Wouldn't we all like to turn back time a bit, just like Cher advises us, to do things a little differently if we had that time again? Or maybe it's best that we can't as they are the moments that define us.

I wonder if she'd wear THAT outfit again !!

So Readers, as I begin to wind up this sermon, is there anything that you are missing out on, purely because you are hiding some of your real self? Are there things that you would just love to try if given the chance or opportunity?

It is incredibly easy to quickly say 'No' to this. I know as I did it for so many years, but the satisfaction with at least giving it a try is just so liberating.

I've really belted out quite a few maths videos in the past year that focus on a specific area of maths that I am passionate about. It's no secret that I believe in presenting things in lots of different ways in the hope that one of those ways will be the spark that some kids respond to. If we just keep presenting things in the same way we'll just keep getting the same result.

Take this picture for example and you'll get my drift.

Back in the day these kids all probably worked from the same book at the same time, I know I did when I was at school.

I see the same thing happening now when we give kids exactly the same thing on laptops/ipads etc. We've just traded the books for a screen, and I still see it in so many places where the kids are supposedly 'engaged', when the reality is they are just doing the same thing at the same time, without needing to think at all.

I'll put my hand up right now and say that I have done this with so many kids over the years, because I thought it was the right thing to do, or I just followed the flock. I'm not judging or accusing anyone, but as I enter my final years of teaching I hope that I can make up for the sins of my past !!! (Sorry to all the kids in my early years of teaching 😩

Not always though, I also see amazing work being done by kids and teachers where the device is being used as just another valuable learning tool, rather than the only learning tool.

If you go into a classroom and see just a few on the devices, and others with books, others constructing etc at the same time then you'll see learning.

Once again, it's about knowing who you are, what you believe in and how prepared/confident/willing you are to put yourself out there.

Well Readers,

This post goes all over the place like a madman's breakfast, I just seem to get on a roll and changing tack every so often. If you've stayed with me for this long, all credit to you !!

I just realised I used a cliche there, my apologies, I try to avoid them like the plague !🤣

As I sit here in a darkened hospital room with various machines making their necessary noises, I realise how fortunate we are to be able to reflect back on who we are, what we have done and what we would change if we could. I'd love to go back in time and right all the wrongs I committed throughout my teaching career, but then again, those are the moments that define us, so perhaps they are best left alone.

Sorry to all those kids I crossed 😖

I also realise that I've written things that previously I would have been too wary to put out as it's not in line with how I was portraying myself. And what people would say to me, or about me.

This is me, sorry, but that's just how it is.

Readers, if you feel that you'd like to pursue things that are part of the real you, but feel similar vulnerability, I get it. I wouldn't try and coax you into things you didn't feel safe about, but I'd at least love it if you gave it some thought. 

We tend to live in a world where self criticism is highly acceptable, but chasing your dreams at times can be frowned upon. I hope you can chase yours, and like me, not leave it until you are 58 !!!

And as I get to the end of this waffle, I keep glancing at the bright orange PUBLISH tab at the top right hand corner of the screen, and my nervousness grows as I consider what people may think of me for writing things like this. And you know what? I don't care, just as I hope you don't care when you have a crack at something new. I can't control what others think, so I'm better to just ignore it.

Finally, a graphic that I have used in many posts that just sums up everything I've been trying to say.

Until my next post (that won't be as heavy as this !)

Cheers 😁

 Switch Off !!

Hi Readers,

This post clearly applies to me right now as I type. A victim of my own advice !!

Once again I was watching an interview with a sporting coach just the other day and once again I was gobsmacked by just a single statement that resonated with me.

This coach had been given the flick after a few years in the job without much success, and he was asked what he would do next, or if he would think he'd return to coaching.

He went on to say that his life had been consumed by playing this sport from a young age ( I won't name the sport as I feel that it could cloud many judgements, so just insert any sport you like, or occupation !) and now that he was potentially out of it for a while, he had other things to consider that he otherwise would have given very little time to.

He then said 

"When the thing that is your major focus is taken away from you for whatever reason, other things will soon come to the fore in your thinking. These are the things to pursue".

This really got me thinking as it this very thing applies to me over the past 10 months.

For more than 30 years I have been a teacher, and whether I can control it or not, it has consumed my thinking for most of that time.

Maybe the same applies to you with your work ?

And when I say it has consumed my thinking, this doesn't mean that it has always been positive. Thankfully though it mostly has been as I have continually sought for ways to be better at what I do.

Since I watched this interview, and had a really good think about it, it wasn't until yesterday when I had a good talk about it with a close friend and colleague that greater clarity started to emerge. This person has always been a great listener, so I made sure I conveyed this back to her a few hours later, another commitment I am trying to maintain, to be more grateful for others.

Do you find the same thing happens to you? When you actually verbalise some of your thoughts they become more understandable?

Maybe it's just me.

So, before I digress as usual ( Ha Ha, got it in early again, but isn't writing that an actual digression in itself ??🤔)

Yep. I hear you. You're just a weird cat.

As I mentioned earlier, teaching has been to the fore of my thinking for 30+ years, in roles such as classroom teacher, Coordinator at different times and schools for Technology, Phys Ed, Numeracy, Religious Ed (stop laughing!!!), OHS, Coach, Deputy Principal and Principal.

Some roles at times caused me to lose lots of sleep for different reasons, both pleasure and pain at times.

And this post has caused me to lose so much sleep overnight as I've been thinking about it so much since yesterday.

So much so, that at 3.30 this morning I got so sick of tossing and turning and thinking and trying to get back to sleep I just thought "Stuff it, get up and get it off your chest" !!

What I'll be like when I'm over at the hospital later could be anyone's guess, I might sleep through the visit !!😴

It took a few months for me to turn my 'teacher brain' off after I took extended leave from my job due to a family situation. My thoughts started to wander slightly, but there was always the handbrake of my job always holding me back from committing more fully to other passions that started to surface more and more. I couldn't fully disengage from work as I didn't know when I'd be back.

Why did it feel like a handbrake? It just felt temporary as I was under the impression that I'd be back at work in a few months at most.

As things have transpired, unfortunately circumstances have changed and my leave has had to be extended. I'm not for a second complaining as I know where I'm needed most.

As this time continues I now find that my other passions are coming to the fore a lot more and I think about them more than my previous teaching role.

And what do I feel these passions may be?

First of all, and as regular readers might notice, I'm posting more to this blog. Also, the focus and content has changed somewhat in recent weeks as I have moved away from just talking about things I've been DOING, and more into what I'm THINKING. And trying to get my readers to think too.

The more I write posts, the more I enjoy it.

No, I actually love it as it didn't actually bother me that I was getting up at 3.30 to do it, but ask me later on today if I thought it was a wise decision ! If I was still actually working I'm sure it would be a different story as I'd know that I wouldn't have the time to dedicate to it that I do now. I should just be grateful that I can do it while I can.

Secondly, I have devoted more time to adding to my YouTube channel where I post videos on ways for kids (and adults) to develop their basic mental maths skills.

Go here to check some of them out.

My reason for having such a passion for something that seems as so simple as developing mental maths skills rather than the whole broader maths curriculum is because over my time I have seen so many kids lose all self belief and esteem as they struggle with skills and concepts that many just take for granted as easy to learn. 

They aren't, and many kids just don't.

 And to add to this, they get hammered by parents and teachers to "LEARN YOUR TABLES" . Don't start me on this, it's something that really irks me !!!

My own experience has been that by supporting kids in developing these mental skills that are used constantly throughout life, we are enabling them to become more proficient in other areas of maths by establishing strong foundations and positive attitudes as learners.

Think of times when you have tried to solve something without needing these skills?

How can kids complete further maths in older levels if they don't have the basics? 

I worked with Year 10 students 2 years ago who didn't have these skills, yet they were expected to complete the same work as their peers. They were so disengaged and apathetic it was soul destroying. They just wanted to be out of school as soon as possible. These kids were leaving school without the basics, let alone all that follows.

Can you begin to understand where I'm coming from?

I've found that this also adds to the reputation I have with the kids that I just love maths and want to do all that I can to help them to love it more so that it is not such a bogey subject for them.

Some nights, okay, many/most nights I lay awake, or wake up with a new idea or thought for a maths activity to make a clip about. Yep, weird.

At times I don't mind it, and remember it for when I wake up. Other times I jump up and scribble some rough notes down so that I don't forget it, and can hopefully make sense of it in the morning.

This is what I need to find a balance for though, especially after the sleep I have unsuccessfully tried to have overnight.

I can see how it is a positive in that I am thinking about something I love, but on the negative side it can potentially be detrimental to my general health.

And as I look over at my notes for this post there are also notes for another new maths idea that I want to film today.

I clearly need to Switch Off some more !!!

So Readers, this post is beginning to sound more like a confession than a post that I'd hope was marginally interesting to you.

Looking back, I should try reading it tonight when I go to bed, that would be an instant sedative !!!

My third thing that has been a passion for as long as I can remember is exercise.

Even from my childhood I have been active and have loved sport and participated in it constantly in teams or individually. This continues to this day, and although I am obsessed or dedicated ( many people would defer to the former !!) I am becoming increasingly aware that my ambition now far exceeds my ability.

As I lay awake overnight tossing and turning, it became abundantly clear that I need to SWITCH OFF a lot more and not feel the need to be doing something active every day, or more. Or maybe choose more appropriate levels and types of exercise to suit what my body is now capable of.

This is far easier said than done, and I'm now starting to understand why others see my exercise habits as obsessive. Whether that transfers into change is another story !

To give you some examples of why I'm thinking this way, here are some examples.

When we go away somewhere for holidays, or overnight stays, my first thoughts are "Where/when will I be able to go for a run/walk/gym/ride?"

The first thing packed are my runners and exercise gear.

I keep a bag in the car with exercise gear just in case an opportunity arises for a workout on the way home from work.

When overseas, one of the first things I do is go for a run around the city we are in to get my bearings.

Running up Sulphur Mountain in Banff, Canada

Another trip up Sulphur Mountain

I found these steps in Barcelona, all 440 of them.

Early morning in Budapest. Cold !!!

Yep, a bit of Forrest Gump going on here !!

Please don't get me wrong here, but overnight I was thinking I must have an addiction, like drugs (I don't do drugs, and I feel so much for those struggling with them). I just feel that I have to 'get my fix', and if I go a day without exercise I start to get edgy and twitchy.

My wife always notices this first, and just says "You need to get out". 

Bless her 🥰

Who else wakes up and thinks about the coming day and plots when some exercise will happen !! And then plans the rest of the day.

As I said, my ambition and ability couldn't be further apart and injuries and ailments continue to burden me from time to time. Not all are sport related now, but it is probably sport that has contributed to them the most. 

I have had a number of cortisone shots in both elbows over the past three years after developing golf and tennis elbow as a result from using a chainsaw to cut up lots of trees at a previous house we owned. These shots weren't too bad, but one in particular nearly made me faint. Similarly for one in the shoulder I had where they kept missing the mark and went in a few times.

Yesterday I needed one in my hand and that was a new level of wincing, and today my hand is still in another world. I still need another one in my ankle, and I told the doctor I might wait a few weeks before I come back for that one as I can see that it will be the worst.

I mention these as they have probably been caused a lot by reluctance to SWITCH OFF and take things easier. I often go bull at a gate and just go too hard, too soon for too long and then suffer the consequences. Rather than cut up the trees over 2-3 weekends, I just did it in a day, then split all the logs the following weekend. Then I went into hospital 2 days later for a hamstring operation as I knew I had to get the trees and logs done beforehand as it would be weeks before I'd be fit enough to do it.

Just a small selection, there was about this much times 10

NEED TO SWITCH OFF !!!!

What I have tried to identify here are the things that I go to when I Switch Off from my work mode, but as you can see, perhaps I need to Switch off from these a bit? Or maybe just the level of excercise!! 

The weird thing is, I KNOW that I should do it, but making that decision to actually DO IT is the problem as I love it so much !!!! It has become a running joke ( no pun intended ) in our family that I'll be a great candidate for organ donation ( which I'm a massive advocate of ) but there's no hope for any of my joints or limbs due to the work that has been put into keeping them functioning 😩

So Readers,

What am I trying to generate some thinking in ?

I'm just suggesting that maybe you might want to reflect on the things that you might have secret or not so secret passions for if only you were able to Switch Off from what you always do. I know there will be the usual "But I just don't have time", or "Yeah, you can do it because you're not working". 

I agree. 

I get it. 

But can you just dip your toes in and see how you go? Who knows, just by doing this may encourage you to commit more time as you see and feel the benefits. I did, and it helped me enormously, as well as giving me a greater perspective in so many other ways.

Can I share another example of a Switching Off example?

As I was laying awake overnight, I turned the radio on to a music station that plays all sorts of hits from the 60's to the present. Yeah, dorky I know, but I just love my music.

Hoping that this would help me sleep, the opposite occurred.

Each song that came on took me back to different memories from that period in my life when these songs came out, or when I heard them at a specific time. Some of these memories would not have been triggered without hearing the song, and I found it amazing how I was transported through time just from hearing random songs.

This is different to hearing a set playlist from Spotify or a CD (remember them ?) as you most likely know what songs will be coming up. It's random.

eg : 

Ebony Eyes (Bob Welch) Was playing a lot in my first weeks at Boarding School.

Sweet Home Alabama (Lynyrd Skynyrd) Was always blasting out at Boarding school from our great, late mate, Anthony O'Meara

The Wild One (Suzi Quatro) I actually joined her Fan Club in the 70's, cost me $2.50!!

Cocaine (J.J. Cale) When growing up in our hotel in Rushworth in the 70's I'd play records so much and just stare at the Album covers.

Locked In The Trunk Of A Car (The Tragically Hip) I heard it the first time running up Sulphur Mountain in Banff. One of my fav songs !

Operator (Lapsley, DJ Koze) I heard it in a bookshop in London. It was just the right song at the right time.

As you can gather, some hits and embarrassments here, too many to mention !!!

Switch off and put on a random music station or Spotify list and see if the same happens with you. Leave a comment about the songs and memories, I'd love to read them - Plus its anonymous if you like.

I could go through my whole Spotify favs playlist, it's full of songs that I have heard at specific times and each time I hear them it always takes me back.

You might have other avenues to Switch Off..

Grabbing a favourite book, reading it again because it 'just talks to you', or starting a brand new one that you know nothing about.

Going for that walk that you have often considered, but always defer to the ones you always do as they quickly become your 'default' routes. Today take a new route !!

Cook that dish you have always wanted to try.

Is there a hobby or activity you have wanted to try ? Guitar? Fishing ? Computer skills ? Cooking ? Learn a new card game? Join a club ? Start a blog ? (DO IT, DO IT !!!)

I could go on and on with options, but only you know what you may have an interest in, and you just never know what might happen until you have. a crack.

Dipping in your toes is just the first step!!

And don't be influenced by those who say "WHY would YOU want to try THAT ?" The same has happened to me with writing this blog, but I've decided to persevere and ignore these minority comments. You're doing it for YOU, and they might not know it yet, but it could be good for them too as a result!

I just started this blog a few years ago as a time filler on a very hot day inside, and now it has become somewhat of a passion for me, something that sustains me mentally while we have this thing going on in our family.

Readers,

I could bang on so much about this and the need to not only Switch Off and find time for the things that may really refresh you as I have personally reaped the benefits, although my body probably disagrees with that !

I'll finish with a quote that I heard on a podcast recently...

We are all like a standard cake mix, The same basic ingredients. What do we add to it to make it better?"

Maybe with you exploring your passions just that little bit could be the way to do this.

As always, comments are welcome !

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁. (Now off for some exercise !!)

 The Steering Wheel 

Hi Readers,

Yeah, I hear you already.

What on earth is he banging on about today!! And what's it got to do with a steering wheel ??

Come with me on this one and hopefully you'll get my drift, or have a completely different spin on it and that's what I'd hope and love to hear about.

These are only my thoughts, and not for a moment am I saying that they are the right ones or not.

All I do on this blog is put forward some of my own thoughts and ideas and hope that it prompts you to have a think too.  How boring would life be if we all thought the same!!

Just a few days ago I was on the phone to a very close friend ( who also reads my waffle !!) and we were discussing my most recent post.

We both had similar views on the way some people are so quick to grade people with A-D and how much license do we give to our students to pursue other interests, strengths and passions. I know we have to teach what is required, but when students endure extreme difficulty in relating to this, how do we then make provisions for them in other ways so that they can achieve success in different ways?

My friend, who shall remain anonymous, but knows I am writing this post about our discussion, said something very innocuous in our phone call, but it immediately struck a chord with me and I just had to respond to it.

In a nutshell, we were talking about those students who struggle at times with the mainstream learning at school, but have other strengths and talents that they never get the opportunity to use to display their own understandings.

She then said "We just don't hand over the steering wheel".

That's it. Sometimes we can be so much in control that we never let go of that control and hand it over to the students.

Now, for those who aren't in the teaching game like me, please stay with me, because this applies to more than just schools. I can see the value of it in our families, friendship groups, sporting teams and any work situation. I've worked in a number of jobs and I can see how it applies in so many other areas.

So what is the steering wheel ?

Clearly, I'm using it as an analogy, but hopefully I'll be able to get my idea across.

I see the steering wheel as being the one in control over something that we are doing. Being in charge. Giving directions. Guiding. Pointing us in a certain direction. Maintaining control.

It all seems to me to be one dimensional, and when things don't work out, are we then prepared to accept the results or do we put that blame onto others?

Some questions come to mind about 'the wheel'.

Who has it ?

Who controls it ?

Do we let the students have it ? ( or other members of our teams and organisations?)

What steering wheels do we hold onto too much, and why?

From here on Readers, if I use the term "Students', please know that I'm referring to anyone in the groups I mentioned above. I'm not limiting my discussion to just schools.

By giving the wheel to others we are allowing them the chance to pursue or involve themselves more and expose them and others to more of what they can offer. 

An example that will always stay with me occurred at a school a few years ago. There was a boy in Gr 6 who struggled terribly with just about everything in class, and he had developed the most defeatist attitude I'd encountered. As a result he was so disengaged and rarely tried to join in anything as he found most things so hard, even with the supports that were in place to assist him.

Over time though, we discovered that he just loved art, and drawing in particular. It calmed him, he persisted with it and he just loved it.

Then, one day in maths, rather than trying to persist with the intervention work that was being done with him, we just said to him "Could you demonstrate this with drawings?"

His eyes lit up and off he went. 

No, he did not solve the presented problems by using algorithms and the like, but he created a picture story that he could then talk about that presented solutions to the problems, but just in a different way. He was able to become more engaged through his art work.

A case of giving him the steering wheel.

As a result, he was encouraged in other ways to express himself through his art, and his whole outlook towards learning changed, and his problematic behaviour disappeared almost overnight.

This was a case of his teachers being prepared to 'hand over the wheel' and enable him to drive his own learning, so to speak.

Handing over the steering wheel unleashes unlimited potential and opportunity.

Think of any work situation you may be in. I realise as well as you do that there is often a hierarchical structure that we feel we must follow, and gradually climb that ladder as we develop new skills and qualifications.

But should this be an impediment to enabling everyone to contribute on an equitable basis?

I've been teaching for more than 30 years, but last year I went back to the classroom after 11 years out of it in other roles.

I'd been in leadership roles and had clearly a lot to learn about running a classroom again. Rather than being super confident, and adopting a "I've been teaching for 30 years, I know what to do" attitude, I was more than prepared to hand over the wheel to my colleagues in my team to help me find my feet again. They were fantastic, and just as I was really getting the hang of things again I was required to take extended leave due to an illness in my family. It was clearly the only decision I could make, but I fully realised how important it was to swallow my pride and let others with more relevant experience guide me when I needed it.

At times I definitely felt that I was holding them all back, but to their credit they were just so supportive to me, and still are. Thanks Gr 5 Team !!!!

I also found that when I went back into the classroom, how advanced the kids were with technologies, way ahead of what I expected, and way ahead of me !! In these situations I just fessed up immediately to them and told them I needed to be shown how to do something, and could they show me. Talk about role reversal !!

At first they didn't think that a teacher needed teaching, or that a teacher would be open enough to admit they needed help from the kids. But this teacher knew that by trying to hide it would prolong the inevitable, so by being open and up front was the best approach.

We developed such a rich culture of support in that class in such a short time that these kids would openly check with me to make sure I understood something, or if I was going down the wrong track they'd confidently and politely let me know the error of my ways !!

I'd also openly ask them if someone could show me how to do something on their ipad so that I could then teach it better myself. Or I'd ask them to do the demo and I'd take the role of a student too !!

Handing over the steering wheel.

The benefits from this were huge. It gave the kids a greater voice and more ownership and self direction with their learning.They also became greater risk takers, because the support given to them by handing over the wheel meant they were more prepared to display greater creativity with their work, safe in the knowledge that their teacher had their backs.

As adults this same approach applies.

Who can do without more meetings? I can !

But when meetings are more inclusive rather than one dimensional and dictated at us, the levels of involvement can be so much greater and the benefits so much richer.

I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say that meetings go that much more quickly when you are involved, given the opportunity to contribute, and when the meetings aren't dominated by those who like to swallow most of the air time.

Plan a rich meeting by letting go of the wheel a bit more.

Another personal example of being handed the steering wheel occurred with me around 9 months ago. Throughout our marriage my wife and I have just naturally morphed into looking after various tasks.  Some I do all the time, others she does all the time, and most others we just share. 

I know I do the lawn mowing and looking after the mower etc, and even though it wouldn't bother me if Jen wanted to mow the lawns one day, I'm sure there'd be a bit of checking up being done by me just to be sure it was being done 'properly'! See, I can't fully hand over that steering wheel yet !!

The one that Jen has handed over to me has been our family banking, something that I've happily let her look after for more than 30 years. It's not that I'm not interested in it, she just does it better !! And to her credit she has given it to me fully and has not checked up on me at all with it. In that time I've sold her car and also an investment property we had, all with her understanding of course!! For someone who has blissfully been unaware of how much I get paid or when I get paid for so long, the goalposts have now certainly changed !!!

We are not living on the streets yet, so I must be steering things okay.

Handing over the steering wheel.

When we are the ones in control of the wheel, I do realise that at times we hold onto it for grim life because we may see the unfortunate consequences staring us straight in the face. I get that. I've done that.

How do you feel when you have decided to hand over some of the control ?

Has it always worked? 

Did it stop you from doing it again>

Who did you blame if it went pear shaped ?

Are you prepared to accept self blame?

Unfortunately, when people hand over the wheel at times, others can view this the opposite way, and see it as a sign of weakness, lack of control, being unprepared rather than as an opportunity for themselves to step up and contribute more.

If we cant accept taking control at times then perhaps we need to put our hand up and be big enough to admit it. 

Easy to say, harder to do.

Furthermore, sometimes we may need to be proactive and actually ask for the keys to the car and do some steering.  Those in control might not even have any indication of our aspirations, hence the reluctance to hand over the steering wheel. Likewise, if it is handed over too early or too much and we aren't ready, we need to voice this. That doesn't mean the opportunities won't come our way again, but it just might mean that we are more than ever ready to step up and just need that little extra support.

Finally, a quote from a book I'm reading by Ant Middleton, another book that I'm not looking forward to finishing as I'm loving it so much !!

"Sometimes the things that feel safe and reassuring are actually the things that are slowly starving us of the oxygen we need to grow to our potential"

Seeking the steering wheel, as well as being prepared to hand it over can be the best of both worlds, and unless we are prepared to give it a try, things will most likely remain the same.

Well Readers,

I don't expect you to go with me on all of this, but as with all of my posts I just hope that it has generated some level of thinking for you.

I'll leave you with a final graphic that has always resonated with me. I won't say anything about it, I'll leave you to come to your own conclusions.

And to my dear friend who prompted this discussion...You're just the best !!!!! ❤️

Until my next post...

Cheers 😁