What Gets You Thinking?

Hi Readers,

My usual quandary, what to write about in this post.

But then, if I'm already writing it, surely I know what it is going to be about?

What I'm trying to say is that I usually have no idea what I'm going to waffle on or bang on about, I just wait for something to inspire me or pique my interests.

And so it just happened an hour or so ago as I was sitting on my bike on the balcony, a daily ritual where I do 100 mins of fartlek and watch sports shows on Kayo.

I also get my 'flow' - (Read previous posts to find out what this is )

My current "Office".

For those who are thinking "Why don't you just go and ride around the block a few 

times ?", it's not that simple for a few reasons.

 I'm a bit wary of the traffic around where I'm living, I need to remain fairly close to the hospital in case I am required to be there, I can gauge my output and fitness more accurately as I compare my daily sessions and I just love watching the sports shows !!

Anyway, my first digression ! (Didn't I weave that in quickly today !!)

As I was in my "Office", doing "research" ( actually watching a doco on Greg Norman), something he said really struck a chord with me and I thought that what he said tied together quite a number of thoughts that had been going through my head recently.

To give you a brief background to the comment that got me thinking, here's the context.

Norman had been dominating world golf for a few years, but he then had a slump that he just couldn't explain. He didn't win a single tournament for 27 months, until one day one of those closest to him had a heart to heart and asked him "What's your purpose ?"

Norman realised that the game of golf hadn't changed in that time, so it must be something to do within himself.

What needed to change, what hadn't changed, what could he do were some of the things he pondered.

Importantly, he looked at the things that were within his control and that he could change, something that I referred to in my previous posts.

His 'Aha' moment was more to do with simple adjustments to his physical skills, but also to his state of mind and attitude, things that were within reach, achievable and understandable.

He then went on to win another British Open soon afterwards, so the proof was in the pudding. He also had the support of others who helped him to identify other little things along the way.

This got me thinking.

Where and when do we have our own 'Aha' moments?

What do we see and do that makes us stop and think that perhaps we need to change our own mindsets and attitudes in order to feel better about ourselves and what we do?

Personally speaking, there are so many things that I'd like to change about myself that a swift kick in the bum could fix, but this isn't so widely accepted as a therapeutic measure !

Many years ago I was working as part of a team in a school where most of the team had been together for many years before I joined them. What I quickly discovered was a group that just exuded negativity.

Whatever they were asked to do or try was always met with a negative attitude, or a focus on what could go wrong. As a result, most efforts were half baked and nearly always doomed to failure. I was wondering what the hell was this year going to be like.

I like to think that I generally have a positive approach towards all that I do, so in this situation I felt that I had two choices.

1. Be like them

2. Try to get things to change.

One of the best bits of advice I received early in my career was that when I moved into a new job/school/role, "Don't move the urn in the first week", meaning don't try and make big changes too soon.

Of course, changes do need to be made sooner at times, but in this situation I focussed on responding to every negative comment with a positive one. If someone said how an action could go belly up, my response would be to describe what success could look like on the other hand. Wasn't always met favourably at the start, but over time they began to be prepared to have more of a go at things with a more positive approach.

They probably got sick of me being constantly upbeat too !!

Importantly, they began to come back to our meetings or catch up after school to celebrate the small successes that they were having, and I could see that they were actually embracing the challenge of proving themselves wrong.

They were also becoming even more prepared to try new things, and were enjoying their teaching more.

An attitude of negativity can be destructive to a team, individually as well as collectively. Over the course of that year our team became incredibly close and our results improved dramatically because we felt that we had each other's backs and believed in our individual and collective ability to succeed.

You may be thinking that this only applies to the teaching environment that I was, and still am a part of. I see it as applicable to all work environments. We all have those negative souls who always see the glass half full. Rather than wait for someone else to drive the change, why not let it be us ?

Not everyone will be responsive, but you just never know and may be surprised.

Let me share two more examples where I took an attitude of "Killing them with Kindness".

These situations happened in the past 30 years, so I'm not giving hints as to when or where they may have occurred in the interests of anonymity !!!

In this first situation, I was working with a colleague who was CONSTANTLY negative !!

It didn't matter what was said or done at staff meetings, this person would never fail to bring up the negatives of whatever was proposed. Without fail, whenever a decision was to be made, it would be held up by this person having a rant, and we all soon came to expect it no matter what.

If something was black, this person would say it was white.

If it was hot, they'd say it was cold.

You get it ?

Now this bugged the living suitcase out of me, as I generally can't tolerate time wasters in meetings ( and that might be something about me that bugs others !) so if this person started their rants just at the end of a meeting I'd be ready to explode.

What could I do then?

As I'm someone who generally doesn't like confrontation, I thought that I have to do something about this or else it might just go on forever. Plus, others were quietly voicing similar concerns about this person.

We loved the person, it was just their approach that was causing concerns.

I just made it my mission to be as kind as possible to this person and really build the most positive relationship that I could. I soon found that as our relationship developed, I was then able to discuss more openly the positives about all of the things they voiced such strong negatives about. This I could do in a safe, non combative environment as we had established such a good rapport that we became more open and accepting of each other's views, and more flexible with our own.

In short, this person soon began to be more reasonable at meetings and not as negative, and more open to compromise. I'm not saying it was because of me, but maybe I was also able to see where they were coming from more clearly too.

This took more than a year to achieve, and rather than having feelings of resentment towards this person, we became very close confidants, and to their credit, this person soon became one of the main people to go to when decisions needed to be made as their ability to explain reason had become so much more rational, rather than negative.

I suppose some of you may be thinking " Was it so and so, or this person, or that person?"

Keep guessing, as I'll never reveal it. It just might be you !!!

Next example.

I worked at a school ( don't try and guess which one as I've worked at 21 different schools off and on over the years) and one day I parked my car where all the teachers parked their cars. No problem.

Or so I thought.

For some reason a certain teacher suddenly started giving me the cold shoulder, and I'm talking colder than a mother in law's kiss !!

At first I dismissed this and thought I was just imagining things. But when it became obvious I was just perplexed.

In hindsight I should have just asked this person what was going on, but this person also had a reputation of being totally abrupt when unhappy about something, and that was what I was also trying to avoid.

In the end I confided in a colleague about it, and they obviously knew what the reason was !!

"Oh, don't worry about it at all. You just parked in the spot that they always like to use"

That was it ?

I, like most others just parked wherever a spot was available, but on this day I used their preferred spot, something that I knew nothing about.

I tried the 'killing with kindness' approach for more than two years, but my cards were well and truly marked and I was burnt.

Once I realised that all attempts at redemption were futile, it soon became a personal challenge and I went out of my way to be nice to this person ( and not park where I shouldn't ! ). If I got a grunt as a reply that was considered a win. Even crossing paths in the hallway would get me not even an ounce of acknowledgement, but I made it my mission to always say hello.

Gee it was tiring !!!

We both eventually left that school having never smoked the peace pipe.

Fast forward a few years and I go into a shop and who do I see in the queue but this person. If I turned and walked out it would have been obvious. I was committed to join the line right next to them.

This person saw me and I could sense that they would have preferred to be anywhere but there at this time as well.

As I saddled up next to this person I just smiled and greeted them as if all those years of ignoring me were a thing of the past. To my surprise I got a pleasant smile and greeting back and we made polite chit chat for a few minutes before heading off our own ways again.

Look, it wasn't great hugs and acknowledgements, but it was warm and to be honest, refreshing. I felt like I could finally let go of all that built up tension I held each time we crossed paths, and I hope this person left this encounter feeling a similar way.

Now when I think about this person I remember all the fun qualities first, rather than the two or so years of cold shoulder.

And I always check where I can park my car at a new school !!!

The lesson here? Harbouring grudges must be hard work. It must have been a challenge for that person to maintain the rage for so long, because even I found it hard to maintain the opposite, although I quite embraced the challenge !!

Also, sort things out early. In this case a very small ant became an elephant, that needn't have developed the way it did for both of us.

 In both cases I could have easily arced up and had a confrontation and made the situation much worse. Then I would have carried whatever consequences would have eventuated, which I'd imagine would not have been pleasant.

In the end both situations were a win for me and the other person, and our relationships are preserved. Couldn't ask for much more than that.

Also, it provides me with strategies for future situations where I can look for better long term results rather than ending up with more destructive short term results.

Going back to Greg Norman, and "What's Your Purpose ?", it makes me think more about the expectations we place upon ourselves.

These can be related to what we do with our work, our families, our exercise, hobbies, anything.

Negativity about our own levels of achievement and how successful we see ourselves can come from placing unrealistic expectations upon ourselves and then becoming disheartened when we cannot live up to them.

My current project is a perfect example. I wasn't sure whether or not I'd take on another jigsaw, but as I find out I'll be on leave for longer, I needed something to occupy my mind a bit more, so another jigsaw is on the go.

This is an analogy for so many other things in my life.

I'm not going to say that I'll finish it this week, or in two weeks. 

My goal is to get the edges done this week, anything more than that is a bonus.

That is something I can achieve and have control over.

Then I'll reset my goals for another section to complete, something which I think is achievable.

Importantly though, I must commit to making time to achieve these goals, and make an effort. They won't happen if I don't make an effort, so I can't whinge about the jigsaw not getting finished if I'm not actually sitting down and having a crack. Sometimes it's just fitting one piece as I walk by. 

Reading back through those last few paragraphs, I could easily change the word 'jigsaw' to so many other things that I do.

Walking/Running 

( As if, with the condition of my joints 😖 ) I'd love to do a marathon again. I'd kill to be able to run 10km again. Even 5km. But I realise with the condition of my body right now that I can be happy with really long walks up hills and get my aerobic addiction satisfied that way. That has been so hard to accept, but I have to be realistic about what I can and can't do now. 

Work. 

I love my work. I love being a teacher, and the past few years have been tumultuous to say the least. After a few years as a Deputy Principal, I took on the role as Co-Principal for a year with a colleague who was just brilliant to work with. I realised that this role was not for me so the following two years I took leave to pursue something I'd often thought about doing. I tried my hand doing Maths Consulting work with schools, and just as the bookings were coming in, COVID raised its ugly head and everything stopped.

My expectations were probably too high and I realise that now. It was also something I had no control over, but at least now I can look back and understand my own capabilities and limitations and they sit comfortably with me.

Through this though, I was able to rediscover the pure enjoyment I have from being in the classroom with the kids as this is where I feel I give my best. 

As I approach the final years of my teaching career I am happy in the knowledge that I am setting expectations that are bringing fulfilment to my life and hopefully making me a better person to be around.

And what about the annual New Year's Eve Resolutions people often make ?

Give up smoking.

Lose 10 kg.

Save $10K

etc

Once again, although the intentions are real, the outcomes are usually way beyond reach.

There must be swathes of people and resolutions that have never come close to coupling, as they are set beyond reach. However, some slight adjustments might just start that slight success that leads to further ongoing commitment.

It's when we see that our goals are beyond our reach that we slump and fall back into what we have always done.

If things don't change, they always remain the same.

This all sounds so easy to say Readers, I know. It's just that after reading and listening to many things on this topic this year I have been able to make simple adjustments in my own life and now I am seeing some benefits. I wish I'd done it years ago !

It just stems from being more realistic and having a focus on what I could change.

Also from just remaining alert and aware of anything that could ignite some greater commitment, and that has come from reading books, listening to podcasts and watching various interviews. Sometimes it's a whole chapter, and today it was one sentence in a 30 minute doco on a golfer.

The prompts can be anywhere and everywhere.

So Readers, 

I hope you can reflect on the goals you may have in life, and also the goals you may have given up on. 

Why ?

I'm the same. After writing this I am now thinking of other things I'd like to achieve, but now have to be realistic in setting up steps to get there.

Some I may just have to put to the side, others I now know are more achievable if I approach them in the right way.

Good luck Readers, and may you achieve !!!

Until my next post,

Cheers 😀