Becoming Part of The Glue !

Hi Readers,

Well today was the first day back at school after our Christmas holidays, which were even longer for me as I missed the last 3 and a bit weeks of school due to my leg surgery. Things will definitely become more busy in the coming days as I head back into the classroom, and history has shown that my posts become fewer and far between once I'm back at work. However, I just felt a compelling urge to do this post tonight based on how I'm feeling about going back into the classroom after I spent 12 years out of the classroom. 

Some of you who know me will be thinking, "Hang on buddy, you were in the classroom last year, and the year before"! Yes, I was, but I don't count those years as really having done a proper year as in both I was only there for two terms due to some circumstances that I'd never wish upon anyone.

This year feels like I felt when I was first starting out again, and I noticed today that I had a spring in my step that I haven't felt for the last two years. Not much spring, as I'm a bit incapacitated with my leg still, but the spring was in my mind at least !

I haven't felt something like it for the past 18 months, so when it comes I lap it up, no matter how small.

Now Readers,

I'm giving you early warning to check out right now, because some of you may read this and think "This guy has really lost it". Not the first time this week my mental stability has been questioned!!

This post may sound 'gushy', and 'lovey', and the sort of thing that gets discussed by people in kaftans who listen to The Mamas and the Papas and weave oversized cardigans from the fleece of mohair goats. But no, it's just me, and it's just an account of what I've been witnessing for the past 6 months. 

I'd better get to the point of this post, and the title.

We all work in different workplaces and experience all the highs and lows that go with it.

In an ideal world everyone would get on and there'd be no clashes, disagreements or problems. I'm sure you've all experienced different levels of this and would agree with me.

Myself, I've worked in many schools, taught all levels and have experienced every role from Prep teacher to Co-Principal. Every role had its joys and challenges, but the main thing that was prevalent in every situation was that I was dealing with people.

In a few schools the climate was just brilliant. I remember one school where I taught for 9 years, and there was a 5-6 year era there where the staff just got on famously, and the the people from those years still keep in touch as a group. There was just something that binded us together, more than what I experienced in my final years there. It's so hard to put a finger on it, but in that 5 year period we developed such collegiality and support for each other that it has stayed with us 30 years later. The next 5 or so years were still great, but as staff changed so did the dynamics, and we noticed that what we once had was no longer there.

This is not being critical, it's just stating the facts.

It's not surprising that when I catch up with teachers from this school, it's usually the ones who were there during this few years that I mentioned.

Similar experiences in other schools where the staff got on famously, but there were also different cliques and staff members who made others walk around on tiptoes at times.

It's just natural for that to happen and not for a moment am I having a crack at those people.

I know that others probably viewed me in the same light at times, so one just cannot afford to get too far up on their high horse when judging others. It's just natural human dynamics.

As much as I think that others may pee me off at times, I have to know that I too must be peeing off people at the same time. Mostly we probably aren't aware of the extent to how much we are doing this because we are so safe in our own skin and focussing more on the impact others make on us rather than the opposite.

Okay, so in a round about way I'm getting to the point of this post. I wrote the first part last night, slept on it then continued this morning just to make sure I wasn't having a 'moment' !! I'll continue.

When I first started at my current school the staff was fairly big, say 30-40 or so. Just like any workplace there were times when people didn't get on that well and that was not a problem, we just dealt with it.

Fast forward quite a few years and I have done a few stints here interrupted by taking leave to work in another role for a few years, coming back for a few years, then the past two years that have been horribly interrupted.

The staff is now approaching 100 when you count in all the part timers etc.

Yesterday when we were all in the one room there was just so much frivolity, chatter, laughter and genuine joy at being together. The doubters among you could be thinking "Yeah, that always happens on the first day back", and to a point I agree with you.

However, since coming back full time last July I have noticed the same thing whenever we all get together. No longer do I walk into a crowded room and look for someone to sit near or someone to steer away from, as the camaraderie is such that it doesn't matter who you sit with, everyone is so welcoming and prepared to include anyone and everyone.

I know this sounds very gushy and hard to believe, but I'm comparing it to other years when this wasn't so obvious to me. And I'm not for a second being critical of previous years. I could easily be accused of seeing everything through rose coloured glasses, but this is not a spur of the moment observation as I have spoken about this a number of times last year to many staff since I have returned.

The responses I have received when I have shared this with other staff have been varied, particularly from those who have been here for a long time. Eyebrows raised, wide eyes, appreciative smiles, "Tell me more",.... so many reactions and responses.

Having been in the situation where I have come and gone for periods of time over the years I feel that I'm in a good place to notice these changes, and at first I tended to ignore them as I too didn't think it was possible, but it just got to the point where it was too obvious to ignore. Which is why I started to tell others about it. 

And it feels so good to tell others what I have noticed and see or hear their responses.

So how has this happened? Has there been a conscious effort to build staff collegiality?

Is there something in the water?

I could begin to throw out lots of possible causes or reasons, but how I am I to know what one is the reason?

And then I read a comment in a book recently ( yep, another one that concentrates on positive thinking!!) and it was mentioned that workplaces that have a very positive vibe obviously have something that unites the staff. Something that makes them gel. Brings them together. Glues them together, so to speak.

This got me thinking. It can't happen with just a few. It needs to be everyone working together, and becoming part of the glue that binds us all together. Everyone is just a small part of what keeps us all together, and the combination of so many small parts adds to a collective group.

This has been just so clear to me whenever I see our large staff gathering together. There is just so much support and care and concern for each person that the group provides the support, not just a certain few. We all know that each person is not 'up' every day and I include myself here, but when surrounded by so many people who look out for each other it is hard not to try and lift your own game.

The past few months have been terribly sad or challenging on a number of fronts for a number of our staff, and to witness the genuine support for them not just during these times, but long afterwards has been nothing short of amazing. Believe me, I have experienced this first hand, and it still goes on. I never really knew how to react to others in their own times of hardship, but through the examples being shown by our group I have been able to try and look out for others more as I know how much our group can support each other. 

It's learning how to become part of the glue!

I'm not suggesting that we all walk around holding hands or giving long hugs whenever we pass in the hallways, it's so much more simple than that.

I notice people always acknowledging each other, through a greeting, smile, whatever.

Too easy!

I know one particular male who pretends that he is going to throw something to me or wrestle me just to see my reaction when he knows I can't respond due to my current ailments. He is not being vindictive at all, I don't take offence as it is just part of the fun that continues to build relationships. Revenge will still be sweet when I am fixed !!!

People just look out for each other.

Yesterday while I was on my leg trolley or crutches, there was just endless help for even the most trivial of tasks. I hate being a burden on others for even just the slightest of things, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate it.

Of course there was the standard "I'll help you with anything, but I won't help you with....!!!"

(You might need to read my last post to see where I'm going there !!)

This doesn't apply to only me. Staff do these things for each other constantly, and the sum of just so many little things just becomes infectious. People aren't just thinking of doing these things every now and then, it seems like it has become a habit for so many. Once again, refer to a previous post about 'Habits'.

Okay Readers, so you might be thing that there is a permanent rainbow hovering over  my school, but there isn't. Staff will still get peed off with each other. Clashes and disagreements will occur, just as the sun comes up each day. However, I sense that as a group we are much better equipped to deal with them now as we seem to understand the triviality of them when compared to the bigger picture.

Before Jen got sick I tended to be the sort of person who got frustrated with the tiniest of things, and I'd really let them bother me.

After what I witnessed on a day to day basis for a few months last year I really learnt the hard way that so much just does not matter at all. 

What I experienced last year wasn't the worst thing in the world, as others are doing it so, so much tougher.

However, it was the worst thing in the world for me and our boys.

So what if we got sent the wrong pencils?. So what if my sprinkler has a break in it?. So what if I'm so slow at keeping up with my colleagues with our planning or navigating where each document is stored? So what if my leg is in a boot and my hands are bandaged?

All of these things are fixable. At worst, they are inconvenient. Worse has, and could happen. It's such a shame that a lesson like this had to be learnt in such a hard way.

Bringing an attitude to the larger group of "little things won't become big things" can only add to the overall success of the group working together, and to me this appears to be what has been happening.

So, as individuals, it's not really hard to make even the tiniest of changes that benefit ourselves and others.  Think of the one thing that really ticks you off that someone in your workplace does. Now think, "How serious is this really?" Annoying, yes, but in the big picture, is it worth you losing sleep? Could something else be worse? Getting over it is not easy, I've been there myself. But over time when you look back it becomes laughable at what we let ourselves become stressed about.

I really noticed this last week, as I mentioned in my last post. Here I was, plastic bags over both hands and another over my leg as I was using my crutches to try and get into the shower. I caught my reflection and just had to laugh at where I was. It would have been easier to have just got a cotton bud and dipped it into water and wash the remaining exposed bits of my body!!! Rather than lament my situation, I could only laugh at myself, and this has helped me enormously since.

Well Readers, in a convoluted way I have tried to plant the tiniest of seeds with you today. What little things can you do to become part of the glue that brings others together?

You don't have to save the world, what you do might not even get noticed, but that's not the point anyway. Hopefully it becomes a habit and it spreads.

I think it is happening where I work.

Until my next post...

Cheers 😁

 Life As T-Rex !

Hi Readers,

Once again laid up on the couch with nothing much else to do, so in order to maintain some level of sanity on a Saturday, why not bang out a post?

Early warning though, this post will not be about anything to promote deeper thinking, self betterment, growth mindset etc. Totally light hearted, prompted by some events of the past few days and onwards.

As you know if you're a regular reader, I had significant leg surgery more than 8 weeks ago and have had to rest on the couch for pretty much all of that time as I wasn't to put any weight on it. Talk about boring !!!!

Anyway, this week I had a visit to my surgeon and due to my diligence with my rehab I am now permitted to put about 10% weight on it every now and then, building up to 50% load in about 5 weeks. How will I know how many 'percents' I'm loading up on !! I just had to laugh about this as by now I'm totally over worrying about my predicament and just have to laugh about it. Please don't think I'm not being careful, I certainly am as I don't want to jeopardise my recovery in any way so that I get out of this boot and walking as soon as I can.

So that's the status with my foot. Sort of.

I've also had an injury in my hand that has been worsening over the past two years. Basically, it's called 'trigger finger', where the finger locks in a clenched position and needs help to straighten out as the condition worsens. All linked to the tendon and the shaft that it lives in. That's not a doctor's definition, but it's the easiest way to explain it. It's an overuse injury in many cases and I think mine developed when we painted our last two houses before selling them. As usual I just went hammer and tongs to get the job done, ignoring the wise advice from Jen to take it easy and not do too much. Now I suffer the consequences. Jen would laugh at me then just as much as she's probably laughing at me now. I didn't have the opportunity to have my leg or hands treated while Jen was sick, so it is all being done now, which is why I've been a bit of a human pin cushion over the past few weeks.

Not blaming anyone else but me, so I've nothing to complain about.

So yesterday I was in hospital again to have the operation. As I was being prepped by the various nurses etc, it soon became time for my wonderful surgeon to see me before he started dessacating me.

He told me all that would be involved, and did a casual check of my 'good' hand for comparison. He noticed that I had the same condition in a finger on my left hand, which I also was aware of but didn't think it was as serious as my right hand. He said he could do that hand as well, and you can imagine my shock !! After explaining that I would still be relatively mobile, I signed away my hands to him. The funny thing was that a nurse went to great care to shave my right hand in preparation for the operation, but as the decision came so late to do the other hand nothing was done to it. I now have one hairy paw and one naked paw !!

Coming out of surgery I saw that both hands were bandaged as expected, but also that my arms are covered in the red liquid that they smother you with to sanitise everything. After my leg operation this took weeks to fade, so I might be scrubbing my arms a bit this week before I front up back for work on Friday after yet another lengthy lay off.

Trust me when I say that things look better now after a very dear friend came around and changed the dressings for me and cleaned my arms up a bit. Thank you Denise !🙏

The strangest thing I've noticed today however after much of the sedation has worn off is that the finger on my 'bad' hand that is next to the one that was operated on has the same condition too. I just didn't notice it as much due to the problems with the finger on that hand that was causing so much discomfort. It's not as bad as the one that was fixed on my left hand, but will obviously need fixing down the track.

Ho Hum !!!

Now, to the reason for the title of this post.

 Life As T-Rex !

It has been a running gag at my workplace over recent years when my posture at times has resembled that of a T-Rex, with my hands only reaching out a short way when doing things due to having a previous shoulder injury that required surgery. As luck would have it I damaged my other shoulder last year and now my posture has at times gone "Rexxy" again as I don't have full mobility with it. When I reach for things my arm doesn't extend properly and resembles the arm movements of a T-Rex. They mean no offence and none is taken.

I remember when I worked in a bank 41 years ago where we had a staff member with under developed arms that he carried in front, much like a T-Rex. We called him "Skippy" Can you imagine that now? Even now I look back in horror that we actually called him that, and that he encouraged it !!

I know for sure that with all of this woke movement we now find ourselves in that some people would sue for discrimination etc. I even heard on the radio this week that a hospital told their doctors when delivering babies to not say "You have a boy/girl". They have to say things like "You have a healthy baby", because they are not to assign genders to babies so quickly as they can't be sure what gender the baby will be identifying as. Really !!!!!

Back to being Rex now, I digress as usual !

It has been a nuisance with this bung finger over the past few months when it locks into a clenched position, especially when doing the simplest of tasks. I thought that with just one hand out of action I'd be able to cope, but I have learnt very quickly how much more difficult even the simplest of tasks are. It's also my dominant hand. Plus, my posture is now VERY Rexxy as I have my hands out in front a lot just to relieve the pressure on them if they are by my side.

I had to sign a form yesterday and the difficulty with that was real as I couldn't hold the pen properly, hence my writing resembled the doctor's writing. Yes, it got that bad ! I had to physically straighten my finger with my other hand, and to say that it is painful is an understatement.

I could even see the look on his face as I was doing this and he just nodded at me as if to say "You need this done now"

That's just one random example. Think of all the things you do in a day that require full use of your hand, or try doing them with one finger clenched. It sounds easy, much harder to do. Which is why I spent a few days getting my classroom set up early as I knew that it would be so difficult to do after the operation. I even bought left handed scissors to use. I guess they'll be staying in the packet !!

And it's not just doing it with a clenched finger. Try doing things without using your palm, which I can't do right now due to that being where the incisions and stitches are.

Just the simple act of getting up off the couch and not using your hands as support is somewhat challenging, especially doing it on one leg at the same time! 

Not complaining though, just laughing at myself 😂

Let's look at this light heartedly and not take this too seriously, as when I woke up this morning I could only laugh at myself and what has been happening over the past months.

I haven't tried this yet, but it is hard enough on one leg. I washed and changed all the sheets on all the beds a few days ago and had to do it on my knees. Even just flipping the sheets onto the bed was hard as my finger would lock and upset the technique a lot. As for fitting the pillow slips....

I worked out that instead of crawling around the edge of the bed I could do a commando roll over the top of it to get to the other side. Improvisation at its best!!

Just accepting the situation and not letting it bring me down !

And possibly the hardest thing has been accepting the fact that I do have to ask for help at times, as much as I feel guilty in doing so. I have been blessed in so many ways with so much support lately, not just with my body falling apart, but also with the care given in helping me cope with what happened last year.

      As luck would have it, we are doing part of our First Aid course when school resumes next week. CPR is a necessary part of this. As I said earlier, using my palms is out of the question, so PLEASE do not have a cardiac arrest near me in the foreseeable future!!!!

Regular readers would know how much I love riding my motorbike. After losing Jen and coming back to Bendigo after those 7 months in Melbourne I was looking forward to getting back on it. 3 weeks later I do my shoulder and am unable to ride it, save for 1 or 2 sneaky rides just to satisfy my need for a spin. My dodgy fingers also prevented me from riding it due to needing full mobility for the levers on the handlebars. Added to this I was unable to even do the straps on my helmet, which you sort of need to use when riding!!

Definitely the posture that somewhat resembles me now. Just grabbing things off the plate is difficult, especially with the numbness that I'll be putting up with for a while. The first cup of coffee spilt a fair bit as I couldn't feel the force that I needed to apply in order to lift it, or feel how hot the cup was. It's amazing how quickly one learns new techniques and methods when the need arises.

Peanut butter on toast this morning was an industrial mess as I struggled to spread the butter on the toast and hold the toast at the same time.

Not complaining though as I'm fascinated discovering the new ways to do things differently.

Regulars would know how much I value exercise and physical fitness. Pretty much any physical activity is on hold right now, unless I  want to work on my left leg only ! Still okay to dream, as I know that each day I'm a day closer to getting back to doing what I love most.

If only !!

This is pretty much what meal time looks like, or any activity that requires using my arms. I thought I'd be able to wash some of the purple goo off my arms this morning, how wrong was I ! Thanks again to my guardian angel 🙏

One of the joys of my job is that I get to play games with my class, sometimes too enthusiastically for my own good (#Shoulder 2022 !)

I can actually envisage one of my colleagues bringing out the Twister mat and challenging me to a game when I get back !! Thanks Dave !!!!

 And yes readers, I know many of you might have been thinking about this, and MANY friends have sent various messages joking about it and I don't mind. I'd probably do the same and it is quite okay to laugh about it. For me anyway, so don't worry about joking about it with me.

So what's it like? 

I'll leave it for you to work out, but I knew it was coming, and not until it actually happened did I realise how adaptable one needs to become !!

Once again I expect some light hearted banter to join in a game or activity, only to be reminded "Oh, you're a bit Rexxy right now".

I'd laugh at it too, I'm not one who'd be offended as I see the need to see the brighter side to any bad situation. I'm lucky to work with a group of people who know how to do this with nothing but the best of intentions in mind.

Revenge is sweet !!!

Okay Readers, I'm saving the best for last, as this occurred this morning and was just so frustrating that it became laughable and prompted this post. I wish I could have filmed it, it was such a Mr Bean moment.

For the past 8 weeks I've had to place my leg in a garbage bag and tape it up and rest it on a stool when I have a shower. I also have to sit on a shower stool with my leg sticking out the shower door. Luckily in our other bathroom the shower has a nozzle on a cord that I can take from the wall to use. Not a pretty sight, so don't try picturing it  😳

I've always found this to be a tedious chore, but no longer now. I wish it was the least of my cleanliness routine !!

Because of my hands I need to bag them up too. No worries I was thinking.

I got some freezer bags and placed one on my hand. Then I started putting the masking tape on. First problem. I couldn't physically manipulate the tape and peel it from the reel due to the lack of coordination I have right now. Some of you are probably thinking I've always been this way!!

Anyway, I eventually peeled away a length and started to wrap it around my wrist. Only trouble was the bag kept spinning around my wrist at the same time. How do I prevent the bag from spinning around? A bit of resting it against a ledge sort of helped, but little did I know what was to follow.

I had to do the other hand.

My left hand was in a bag now, so already the peeling of tape was looming as a major problem. Enter mouth and teeth. Length of tape sort of pulled off. Using hand in bag to try and wrap it around other hand but tape sticks to bag on that hand. I use the other hand in a bag to try and peel it off, but it only makes the problem worse by sticking to that one. This going back and forth and the F-Bombs were becoming louder and more frequent 🤬 I needed stronger bags that the tape would still stick to, but not tear the bags if it needed to be moved a little.

Good time to use one of the many Woolworths plastic bags that I use for my shopping. I had one of these on one hand and a freezer bag on the other. The "Woolies Hand" would be the washing hand and the freezer bag hand would stay in the air and as dry as possible.

My 'bad' hand

My 'good' hand, which wasn't going to be operated on until the last minute.

This is what I'm working with, hoping to get the tan off before I head back to work next week.

It was sort of going well until I started to tape it up.

No problems doing the leg, had lots of practice lately.

Good plan.

Until I started the shower.

How was I going to apply the shampoo to wash my hair? Yes, I hear the smartarses among you saying "Hair? You???" 👨‍🦲Yes, I know there's not much left but I do treat it to the love and devotion it deserves as long as it chooses to be there!!

So I put a dollop of shampoo on the palm of my Woolies bag and try to rub it over my head. Not being able to feel it happening meant I had no idea if it was happening at all. You try to use a shopping bag to wash your hair next shower and you'll know what I mean.

Then came the body wash. Same sensation. Using smooth plastic to wash yourself just doesn't seem right. A washer will be coming to the next shower.

Being creatures of habit, do you find that when you have a shower you unconsciously do the same routine each time? You know, start here, go there, usually in a particular order?

Well, I do. Until this morning. I was keeping my 'bad hand' up high to protect it, so the body got washed with just one hand. A bit awkward getting to the places that the other hand usually got covered.

Eventually I hosed myself down and thought that was it.

Wrong.

Drying myself.

Once again, do you dry yourself in a particular way? eg Legs first, head first etc

Try doing it one handed seated on a stool in a confined space. Keep in mind that you are not placing any pressure on your palms and that you cannot grip with your fingers yet.

I should have just gone and sat in the sun naked and let nature do it for me !!

Eventually dryness settled upon me (not in the way I just mentioned !!)

Now I better smell nice, as I knew I had visitors coming. Out comes the BO spray in a pump pack as Jen and I don't like using aerosols. Sounds simple just pumping a few times. Until the moment where you can't grip the bottle properly or push the pumper as your fingers are still not bending. I was trying it two handed and I now know that my face doesn't smell. Also, Rexona Sport tastes terrible and hurts your eyes!!

I eventually managed to get an acceptable layer where it was needed, I'll need to develop a technique before my next shower !!!

I hope that you didn't form a mental image of this, it might put you off your food for a long time !!

I could go on and on Readers with this self indulgence but I'll spare you the boredom of it. I'm sure there are going to be many, many more things to adapt to but it's okay. People get so much worse and once again a perspective pill is all that is needed. It's always front of mind that every moment is a step closer to full recovery. I'm not sick. I'm just broken.

I hope you can laugh with me about what is happening right now, because I'm choosing to.

I can't see any point in moping, better days are always coming.

As I said, nothing serious about this post, I just hope that you don't take the simple things for granted. I often do, I'll try not to from now on, not just for me, but for others too.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁

 Here and Now

Hi Readers,

 A longer break in between posts than what I would have liked, but I just needed time to think about this one as a lot has been going on over the past few weeks.

Being a school teacher, I have started to get ready for the school year which starts for us teachers here in 11 days. To say I'm a bit rusty is an understatement, as my past two years have been interrupted by a series of events that have kept me away from school for over a year.

Nonetheless, I'm determined to approach this year in the frame of mind that I'll put in a full year and therefore need to be well prepared.

I have been lucky this year to have been placed in a brand new classroom with the same team I've worked with (sort of!!) for the past two years. All my stuff from my classroom last year was boxed up and placed in the new room for me at the end of the year, something I was unable to do due to taking off the last three weeks of the year to have ankle surgery. Over the weekend I managed to get myself out to school and began the process of unpacking the boxes and sorting out my classroom, something I've only done once in the past 12 years!! It's still a long way from being ready, so I'll need to pull the finger out in the next few days so that next week will only involve procedural tasks.

As luck would have it, I'm back in hospital this week for a hand operation, and being my right hand I'll need to really pull the rabbit out of the hat in the coming days so that most tasks that I'll need to use my hand for will be done and out of the way. Otherwise I can do it left handed and it will look even worse than what my original efforts will be.

Or perhaps no-one will notice the difference !! 

Also, it will limit my ability to write posts, so there's something for you all to cheer about !!

So, the point of today's post?

I was reading a book last year, "Zero Negativity" by Ant Middleton. If you've read my posts from mid last year you'll be aware that this book had a most profound effect on me as I was reading it during and after the ordeal with Jen when she was terribly sick, and passed away.

As I was packing away a few things last week I picked the book up again and had a quick glance through it, and found myself reading from the start again. My intention was to just peruse a few random pages and as I read them again I found that I was interpreting them in a different way than I did last year. Some things that didn't stand out to me then just slapped me in the face this week, while others that really resonated with me just didn't have the same impact.

Clearly the mindset that I was in influenced the way I was responding to the book, so I've decided to read it again and see if I understand things in it differently this time.

Trust me when I say that it is not a chore to read it a second time as I'm quite fascinated by the fact that already I'm reading like I am reading it for the first time.

Does that make sense? I know what I'm thinking but I think I'm having trouble trying to put it into words.

As my head is spinning with so many questions about what I need to do to get ready for the school year, once again something in the book pooped out and slapped me on the forehead, giving me a much needed reality check.

Ant talks about the fact that he is very calculated and in control, and to an extent I feel that I'm like that in many ways also. Others may see it differently and that's fine with me, it's just what I think about myself.
I feel like I'm starting my classroom career all over again and that I need to have so much planned in advance so that I am 'in control' (in my mind) and that everything will run like clockwork. You know as well as I do that this will just not happen. Whatever I do from today onwards I am safe in the knowledge that there are two outcomes.

Sink.

Or Swim.

The easiest thing to do right now would be to descend into a negative spiral as there are just so many questions flooding my mind.

How will I get my room ready in time?

Will I be mobile enough on the leg trolley that I'll have to use ? ( I still can't put weight on my leg)

Will I be able to use my hand much ?

I haven't met these kids yet, how far behind will I be with them?

What have I missed?

Will I be able to contribute well enough to my team?

Etc.

Writing questions like this is just so easy because we often default to a negative mindset, I could have written so many more, but what's the point? One negative thought just feeds another, and before one knows it we end up in a state of helplessness and prone to giving up altogether. Just putting these ones down was depressing enough for me so I just had to stop as I don't want to put my mind into that place.

As the title says, "Here and Now". I've moved from the here and now and moved into a new world of "Ifs and Maybes", and they are all negative. 

 I generally feel confident in my ability to do my job well, it's up to others to tell me if I'm wrong. I know there are areas I definitely need to pick up on, but I also believe in my ability to identify these and to take the necessary steps to do something about them. Some I have quick success with, others are ongoing projects, as my teaching team will attest to !!!

If I start to NOT believe in my ability to improve or keep doing things well, then all that can occur is destroying my ability to do what I believe I am capable of.

When these doubts creep in, like I mentioned above, the downward spiral will only grow.

I don't want to become that person who becomes too worried to take even the slightest risk, and spends each day hesitating to have a crack at something for fear it may not work out. I've long ago learnt that I thrive on being a risk taker and while able to celebrate my successes, I definitely take stock to learn from my fails.

That's where I feel it is important to embrace the 'here and now', rather than always have the negativity of the 'ifs and maybes' hanging over my head.

That means being confident enough to hit the ground running, being aware that there could be a stuff up just around the corner and knowing that I feel I'm capable of addressing it if and when it may occur. It also means that the 'ifs and maybes' could become positive ones rather negative.

With this attitude I have been able to find that more often than not I'm able to have more success than failure, and importantly, I learn something new from each experience. 

Whether that means I've been a total dick or displayed something that shows that I made the right decision depends on each situation, but I only find out by embracing the here and now.

By holding my nerve as much as I can it enables me to try and turn it into an approach that becomes part of my daily routine. Worrying about things hasn't really helped me, but being proactive and doing something about them as they happen seems to have worked best for me. I can sort of predict what things will happen in the next few weeks, but there will also be so many things that will be unplanned and if I spend my time stressing about what may or may not happen I'll be greyer than the few remaining strands of hair on my receding head!! 

Readers, just as we teach our kids, I've gone back over what I've written to see that it makes sense. It might. It mightn't. Just do your best with it !!

Over the next two weeks, if I spend my time stressing about every possible negative scenario I'll go nuts in no time at all. That's where my focus will be on treating things as they occur, and at the same time trying to be proactive in taking steps to ward off the inevitable hiccups that will present along the way.

So what's in this for you?

Are you like me at times and tending to focus on the potential negatives, or do you accept the here and now and deal with things as they eventuate? I'm not suggesting that you disregard things that could go wrong, they inevitably do happen, but always to the degree that we envisage? I think not. 

Are you looking at your next week in terms of things that could/might turn your world upside down, or do you see next week as seven days of opportunity?

It's a shame that our society tends to a large part to focus on the former rather than the latter and that people who are eternally optimistic get painted like weirdos.

A personal example of accepting the here and now has been happening to me today, mine and Jen's 35th wedding anniversary, but sadly our first one since losing her. In the days leading up to today I was dreading it for so many reasons, and kept coming up with ideas in my mind that did nothing but make me feel even more depressed. The here and now is that I have been blessed with visits and messages from friends throughout the day that have been so uplifting and supportive and have reminded me to celebrate the gift of the day and the time that we had together rather than let the absence of Jen drag me into an abyss of sadness. The here and now is that I am surrounded by so much support to call on if needed, isn't that a huge win? To turn this into a further positive is to reciprocate this to my friends in the times when they need it, and Readers, some of these friends have been doing it hard lately too.

In a nutshell, I wasn't looking forward to today as I didn't know how I'd cope, but instead of feeling morbid, the end result has been feeling uplifted. That's my here and now, so I need to celebrate it.

You guessed it. I've started to waffle on. Time to stop.

I posted some of my favourite images of Jen and myself today, embracing the here and now of the happiest memories together. Rather than mope around the house ( still on one leg after a visit to my surgeon 😖 ) focussing on how miserable the day could be, I have been able to put in place steps to help me celebrate the day and my time with her. This helps to create a here and now that we can have some level of control over, once again using an optimistic and proactive mindset, as hard as it is.

You can do this as well, take steps to create a here and now that you have some influence over. Start easy. What can you do to make your tomorrow better?

I look at each of these photos and remember the stories behind each of them, and trust me when I say that right now I definitely feel that I am swimming !! My here and now at this very moment is most positive ❤️❤️❤️❤️

In finishing, something totally random that I heard a few days ago. It goes like this.

What Money can buy...

Money can buy pleasure, but not happiness.

Money can buy medicine, but not health.

Money can buy a watch, but not time.

Money can buy a house, but not home.

Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.

Money can buy books, but not brains.

Money can buy food, but not appetite.

Money can buy insurance, but not assurance.

Money can buy a position, but not respect.

Money can buy you blood, but not life.

Money can buy you an education, but not knowledge.

Money can buy you friends, but not love.

So, you see, money isn't everything. and it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away all of your pain and suffering.

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. !!!!!!!!!!

A bit of a waffle today readers that even I find to be a better sedative than the meds I'm on at the moment, good luck trying to see what I'm trying to put across !!🙄

Until my next post which will be a lot better,

Cheers 😁