Here and Now

Hi Readers,

 A longer break in between posts than what I would have liked, but I just needed time to think about this one as a lot has been going on over the past few weeks.

Being a school teacher, I have started to get ready for the school year which starts for us teachers here in 11 days. To say I'm a bit rusty is an understatement, as my past two years have been interrupted by a series of events that have kept me away from school for over a year.

Nonetheless, I'm determined to approach this year in the frame of mind that I'll put in a full year and therefore need to be well prepared.

I have been lucky this year to have been placed in a brand new classroom with the same team I've worked with (sort of!!) for the past two years. All my stuff from my classroom last year was boxed up and placed in the new room for me at the end of the year, something I was unable to do due to taking off the last three weeks of the year to have ankle surgery. Over the weekend I managed to get myself out to school and began the process of unpacking the boxes and sorting out my classroom, something I've only done once in the past 12 years!! It's still a long way from being ready, so I'll need to pull the finger out in the next few days so that next week will only involve procedural tasks.

As luck would have it, I'm back in hospital this week for a hand operation, and being my right hand I'll need to really pull the rabbit out of the hat in the coming days so that most tasks that I'll need to use my hand for will be done and out of the way. Otherwise I can do it left handed and it will look even worse than what my original efforts will be.

Or perhaps no-one will notice the difference !! 

Also, it will limit my ability to write posts, so there's something for you all to cheer about !!

So, the point of today's post?

I was reading a book last year, "Zero Negativity" by Ant Middleton. If you've read my posts from mid last year you'll be aware that this book had a most profound effect on me as I was reading it during and after the ordeal with Jen when she was terribly sick, and passed away.

As I was packing away a few things last week I picked the book up again and had a quick glance through it, and found myself reading from the start again. My intention was to just peruse a few random pages and as I read them again I found that I was interpreting them in a different way than I did last year. Some things that didn't stand out to me then just slapped me in the face this week, while others that really resonated with me just didn't have the same impact.

Clearly the mindset that I was in influenced the way I was responding to the book, so I've decided to read it again and see if I understand things in it differently this time.

Trust me when I say that it is not a chore to read it a second time as I'm quite fascinated by the fact that already I'm reading like I am reading it for the first time.

Does that make sense? I know what I'm thinking but I think I'm having trouble trying to put it into words.

As my head is spinning with so many questions about what I need to do to get ready for the school year, once again something in the book pooped out and slapped me on the forehead, giving me a much needed reality check.

Ant talks about the fact that he is very calculated and in control, and to an extent I feel that I'm like that in many ways also. Others may see it differently and that's fine with me, it's just what I think about myself.
I feel like I'm starting my classroom career all over again and that I need to have so much planned in advance so that I am 'in control' (in my mind) and that everything will run like clockwork. You know as well as I do that this will just not happen. Whatever I do from today onwards I am safe in the knowledge that there are two outcomes.

Sink.

Or Swim.

The easiest thing to do right now would be to descend into a negative spiral as there are just so many questions flooding my mind.

How will I get my room ready in time?

Will I be mobile enough on the leg trolley that I'll have to use ? ( I still can't put weight on my leg)

Will I be able to use my hand much ?

I haven't met these kids yet, how far behind will I be with them?

What have I missed?

Will I be able to contribute well enough to my team?

Etc.

Writing questions like this is just so easy because we often default to a negative mindset, I could have written so many more, but what's the point? One negative thought just feeds another, and before one knows it we end up in a state of helplessness and prone to giving up altogether. Just putting these ones down was depressing enough for me so I just had to stop as I don't want to put my mind into that place.

As the title says, "Here and Now". I've moved from the here and now and moved into a new world of "Ifs and Maybes", and they are all negative. 

 I generally feel confident in my ability to do my job well, it's up to others to tell me if I'm wrong. I know there are areas I definitely need to pick up on, but I also believe in my ability to identify these and to take the necessary steps to do something about them. Some I have quick success with, others are ongoing projects, as my teaching team will attest to !!!

If I start to NOT believe in my ability to improve or keep doing things well, then all that can occur is destroying my ability to do what I believe I am capable of.

When these doubts creep in, like I mentioned above, the downward spiral will only grow.

I don't want to become that person who becomes too worried to take even the slightest risk, and spends each day hesitating to have a crack at something for fear it may not work out. I've long ago learnt that I thrive on being a risk taker and while able to celebrate my successes, I definitely take stock to learn from my fails.

That's where I feel it is important to embrace the 'here and now', rather than always have the negativity of the 'ifs and maybes' hanging over my head.

That means being confident enough to hit the ground running, being aware that there could be a stuff up just around the corner and knowing that I feel I'm capable of addressing it if and when it may occur. It also means that the 'ifs and maybes' could become positive ones rather negative.

With this attitude I have been able to find that more often than not I'm able to have more success than failure, and importantly, I learn something new from each experience. 

Whether that means I've been a total dick or displayed something that shows that I made the right decision depends on each situation, but I only find out by embracing the here and now.

By holding my nerve as much as I can it enables me to try and turn it into an approach that becomes part of my daily routine. Worrying about things hasn't really helped me, but being proactive and doing something about them as they happen seems to have worked best for me. I can sort of predict what things will happen in the next few weeks, but there will also be so many things that will be unplanned and if I spend my time stressing about what may or may not happen I'll be greyer than the few remaining strands of hair on my receding head!! 

Readers, just as we teach our kids, I've gone back over what I've written to see that it makes sense. It might. It mightn't. Just do your best with it !!

Over the next two weeks, if I spend my time stressing about every possible negative scenario I'll go nuts in no time at all. That's where my focus will be on treating things as they occur, and at the same time trying to be proactive in taking steps to ward off the inevitable hiccups that will present along the way.

So what's in this for you?

Are you like me at times and tending to focus on the potential negatives, or do you accept the here and now and deal with things as they eventuate? I'm not suggesting that you disregard things that could go wrong, they inevitably do happen, but always to the degree that we envisage? I think not. 

Are you looking at your next week in terms of things that could/might turn your world upside down, or do you see next week as seven days of opportunity?

It's a shame that our society tends to a large part to focus on the former rather than the latter and that people who are eternally optimistic get painted like weirdos.

A personal example of accepting the here and now has been happening to me today, mine and Jen's 35th wedding anniversary, but sadly our first one since losing her. In the days leading up to today I was dreading it for so many reasons, and kept coming up with ideas in my mind that did nothing but make me feel even more depressed. The here and now is that I have been blessed with visits and messages from friends throughout the day that have been so uplifting and supportive and have reminded me to celebrate the gift of the day and the time that we had together rather than let the absence of Jen drag me into an abyss of sadness. The here and now is that I am surrounded by so much support to call on if needed, isn't that a huge win? To turn this into a further positive is to reciprocate this to my friends in the times when they need it, and Readers, some of these friends have been doing it hard lately too.

In a nutshell, I wasn't looking forward to today as I didn't know how I'd cope, but instead of feeling morbid, the end result has been feeling uplifted. That's my here and now, so I need to celebrate it.

You guessed it. I've started to waffle on. Time to stop.

I posted some of my favourite images of Jen and myself today, embracing the here and now of the happiest memories together. Rather than mope around the house ( still on one leg after a visit to my surgeon 😖 ) focussing on how miserable the day could be, I have been able to put in place steps to help me celebrate the day and my time with her. This helps to create a here and now that we can have some level of control over, once again using an optimistic and proactive mindset, as hard as it is.

You can do this as well, take steps to create a here and now that you have some influence over. Start easy. What can you do to make your tomorrow better?

I look at each of these photos and remember the stories behind each of them, and trust me when I say that right now I definitely feel that I am swimming !! My here and now at this very moment is most positive ❤️❤️❤️❤️

In finishing, something totally random that I heard a few days ago. It goes like this.

What Money can buy...

Money can buy pleasure, but not happiness.

Money can buy medicine, but not health.

Money can buy a watch, but not time.

Money can buy a house, but not home.

Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.

Money can buy books, but not brains.

Money can buy food, but not appetite.

Money can buy insurance, but not assurance.

Money can buy a position, but not respect.

Money can buy you blood, but not life.

Money can buy you an education, but not knowledge.

Money can buy you friends, but not love.

So, you see, money isn't everything. and it often causes pain and suffering.

I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away all of your pain and suffering.

So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. !!!!!!!!!!

A bit of a waffle today readers that even I find to be a better sedative than the meds I'm on at the moment, good luck trying to see what I'm trying to put across !!🙄

Until my next post which will be a lot better,

Cheers 😁