Lessons Learned

Hi Readers,

Another glorious day here in Bendigo but I'm still unable to get out and enjoy it as much as I'd like to, so what better use of time than to write a final post for 2022?

I must admit I did get outside for about ten minutes just now and organised the timers on our sprinkler system to give our garden beds a good drink before it gets too hot, but I'm totally stuffed now from plonking around the yard on my crutches so a good sit down is needed. The neighbours must have had a giggle watching this weirdo rolling across and around the front lawn changing and setting up timers and sprinkler heads of the different taps, but it's all done now. I must have looked like I'd been shot.

So what is he going to bang on about this time?

I just don't know for sure, as it might be a mix of humorous, cringeworthy and reflective moments that have occurred throughout the year that have stuck in my mind, or have taught me valuable life lessons.

If anything, I hope it prompts you to take stock of the year just gone and that you can look back and reflect on the things that made it the year that it was for you, or how you made it for others.

Some of the things that stuck with me may come across as incredibly boring to you, sorry about that! Also, they are in no particular order as I'm just banging away as they come into my mind.

Empathy.

Last December I moved into a block of units run by the Bone Marrow Donor Institute just near Royal Melbourne Hospital where Jen was hospitalised.

There were about 12 units in this building and people from all over Australia came to stay here while family members were in hospital at RMH or Peter Mac which were both at the end of the street. This is where your donations to the Leukaemia Foundation help to support families, so please consider this charity whenever you can.

Anyway, it quickly became clear to me that most of the people who were receiving treatment were males, and it was mostly wives and girlfriends staying there with their partners. We were the exception because I was the only 'healthy' male staying there at the time, and Jen was in hospital for all but 3 weeks of the 7 months I was down there. Everyone else at the time were outpatients receiving daily treatment.

Due to covid, and also due to the fact that everyone pretty much stayed in their units as the patients were usually too weak to do much more than their hospital visits, we only crossed paths fleetingly in the lift, the foyer or as we were going to and from the hospitals.

What really struck me was the empathy shown by everyone. We all knew what was happening in our own situations, and therefore didn't need to ask what was happening with each other. One could only guess. For sure at times we would stop and have longer chats and I developed very close friendships with a few couples in particular. I was sure that they were extra caring towards me as I was mostly alone and our situation was so serious. Often nothing ever needed to be said, but that in itself said more than anything. I never realised until this year how much a gentle hand on the shoulder could mean without so much as a word being said.

Other days there would be a basket of fruit left at your door, or one family from a farm outside Geelong would drop off small meat packs to each unit when one of their sons came up to visit.

There was one particular day when it was raining, and I saw that someone went and left an umbrella outside each door. Just little things like that where people were not seeking recognition or acknowledgement, they just knew what would make your day just that little bit easier. How could each of us do things like this in our own daily life?

Perhaps the greatest, but also saddest days were when new families arrived, or others left. I recall the joy we shared when one family from Tasmania got the news that the mother and son could go home as his leukaemia was undetectable after a year or so of treatment, and that he was able to be home in time to be with his wife who was due to give birth to their second child in just a few weeks. I had seen this young man when he was sick, and also on the day that he left looking so much more radiant. The joy on his face was priceless. Arriving was also great because the families I met were beginning the path to recovery, something that we all had hopes for.

The day I moved in I recognised a particular ute in the carpark underneath. It belonged to a couple who lived two doors down from us when we lived in a different house here in Bendigo. Two days later I ran into them in the carpark and they were loading up to go home. Once again the excitement for them was undeniable and they were overjoyed at their prospects moving forward. It was not hard to be so happy for others as they were going home to restart their lives, as we all had the same hope for ourselves. Imagine my dismay a few months later when I saw that they were back a few months later after the husband developed new problems, and he passed away a few weeks after Jen did.

These are just two examples of the empathy shown by so many families from all walks of life, thrown together by circumstances they probably never thought would occur.

What it did teach me was the need to be aware more of the circumstances of others, to not assume anything and what empathy really meant. I hope that I can put it into practice more often in my life and that i just don't take things for granted.

Readers, that was a bit of a deep introduction to the post, maybe it was the thing from 2022 that has resonated with me so much.

Learning new things.

2022 ( and late 2021 as well) was a period of me learning a number of new things that any of you would take for granted, so much so that you'll be inclined to stop reading right now due to it sounding so lame!!

I'll be very clear in saying from the outset that throughout my adult life I have had very little interest or concern with financial matters. Jen looked after everything from the moment we got married, probably because she realised how hopeless I was with money. I've never really cared how much I earn, and usually haven't known which week is pay week.. Sounds weird I know, but that's just how it is.

At any stage of my work career, if you asked me what my annual wage was I wouldn't be able to tell you. I remember one time when I was teaching at a primary school, and also working at the local University doing Phys Ed that Jen said to me one night "Do you realise how much you are earning right now?" 

Nup. No idea. But from her reaction it must have been good. It just didn't bother me that much. As long as we had enough to get what we needed and were able to save some as well I was happy. I know that it paid for new carpet in our house and part of an overseas trip, so it must have been good.

Fast forward to late 2021 and Jen is in hospital and everything financial is now up to me.😳

Things I needed to learn:

• How to do internet banking (stop laughing!!)
• Which plastic card was for which account
• Where our money was
• How to pay the bills and schedule payments
• What bills would come weekly, monthly, quarterly etc
• Accessing Jen's email account, passwords etc

It was a massive learning curve, I think I got on top of it quickly as it's amazing how quickly one can pick up a skill when the need is there.

I now know roughly how much I earn (I'd guess I'd still be a few thousand out if you asked me) but I still wouldn't have a clue which week is pay week!!! Jen set us up so well that I don't have to worry as much as I thought I would.

Housework.

I clearly took for granted some of the things that were always done for me because I was too useless to learn how to do them myself. Something as simple as mopping the floors. I'd just get a bucket of water, squirt in whatever cleaning liquid I could see in the cupboard, only to be scolded by Jen as the one I normally chose would be the one that would strip the surface of the floorboards. She kept telling me the safest one to use but I never really paid attention. Until now !!! Simple things like how to clean up a spill on the carpet I now have to research and be so sure of the correct things to use and the procedures. Otherwise it's a big stuff up. It was always done for me.

Similarly with doing the washing. I now acknowledge that colours and whites DO need to separated!!!

Strange smells.

Treat smells whenever you notice them rather than waiting.

I have had two examples of this little mishap, one would think that I would have learnt the first time!!

When I was in the unit in Melbourne, over the course of a few weeks I noticed a little smell starting to mature into something more tangy and offensive.

I quickly opened the cupboards and had a look, but could see nothing. But I could still smell something!!

The lesson here is....Look more closely!!

Over the next two weeks or so it got worse and worse and my haphazard glimpses into the cupboards never resulted in anything more than more smells, but no evidence.

Clearly something was happening, but my oh so casual searching skills were letting me down. Jen was still in hospital at this point so there is no way that it would have escalated to the point that it did had she been in the unit with me. I just started to assume that it must be somewhere else in the building.

Talk about dodging the issue!

However, one day I just happened to see what looked like a weed coming out of one of the cupboards. I summoned up all my strength, held my nose and stuck my head deep into the cupboard and found the 'weed' was coming from behind a number of kitchen appliances that I had never used.

After pulling them out I discovered a number of potatoes that had somehow ended up behind these appliances and had managed to sprout. 

Extensively.

If left alone I'm sure that McCain's would have been in touch with me to start supplying them.

These things were a foul green and the sprouts were protruding like massive tentacles, threatening to take me in my sleep !!

My potatoes were even worse than this one, some tentacles were around 15-20cm long and definitely had intentions to grab me the moment I had my back turned. But this wasn't all. The moment I grabbed these starchy monsters they just squelched in my hands to a gooey mess, emanating the grossest stench imaginable and leaving a gooey puddle of crud that took ages to clean up, and then get rid of the stench.

I learnt my lesson there and then.

Or so I thought.

When I eventually came home, the same thing happened again, but I couldn't figure out why as I was so careful about it now.

Until one day I saw another feared potato tentacle creeping out of a container in the pantry. Apparently while I was away someone had put some potatoes in the pantry, but then something had been stacked on top of them, producing the same experience that I had endured back in Melbourne. But Readers, you will be pleased to know that these were disposed of safely and humanely, despite the fact that I gagged all the way to the bin outside!!

Lesson learnt? Treat bad smells immediately and with urgency!!

Is it something about men that just means that they will put up with a bad smell a lot longer than women will? Jen would have sourced the culprits and dealt with them at first sniff, way before I would have even considered something was awry.

Gardening

My gardening skills match my financial skills. Jen was the CEO of our gardens in each house that we have owned. My knowledge is limited to the fact that plants are stuck to the ground and that they need water.

In the house that we bought 3 years ago, there was an established garden that is beautiful, even I was impressed with it. I'm good at keeping things tidy, mowing the lawns etc, but when it comes to choosing plants I'm a total dunce.

Luckily, a few months before Jen got sick we both worked together to put in drip sprinkler systems throughout our gardens, and because I did much of the grunt work under extremely close supervision from Jen, I actually know how it all works. We were both so conscious of being careful with our water supply from our tanks and knowing when the best watering times were, that now I find that I think I have it under control on my own.

I won't call myself a gardener yet as I've only planted one plant since I came home, but nothing has died on me yet. I still have trouble deciding which ones are weeds and which ones aren't at times, so my apologies to any plants that met an early demise due to my lack of plant knowledge!!

The thing that keeps me going is the hard work that was put in by others, now I have to maintain it.

Work

As I start to reach the stage of my teaching career where I may have only a few years left in the job at most, I realise that I have to make the most of this time.

"Don't count the days, make the days count" is a saying that we have all probably heard, but it is one that means so much to me now. My last two years on the job have only amounted to 6 months each year, so this year I'm hoping to put a full 4 terms together. As long as my body holds together I'll be fine. The local doctors are licking their lips each time they see me now. I must be paying for so many sets of golf clubs, overseas trips, school fees or latest car models with some of the things I've been getting fixed or are on the agenda to be done! Still, when taking a perspective pill it is small fry stuff as at least I'll get better.

I could bang on and on Readers and bore you to tears (again) with other things that I have learnt about myself and others this year, but I wont.

I hope though, that you will stop and consider things for yourself.

For me it is two things.

1. Empathy.

2. Perspective

No matter how annoying trivial things may be at the time, even though they may appear to be the most major problem in the world at that moment, all I say to myself is "Take a pill" and I get a much better perspective of the situation, and then feel ridiculous for seeing it the way that I did. Sometimes my mindset changes immediately, other times it takes a tad longer. To make this into more of a habit rather than something I have to focus on is something I hope will become part of me.

Well Readers,

That's it for 2022, a year that promised a lot but delivered so much that I wish I could have changed, but it wasn't to be.

Thanks for reading, leaving comments and for the encouragement to pursue what I love doing.

Hoping you all had. a great Christmas and that next year is the best that it can be for you.

Until my next post...

Cheers 😁