Out of Reach
Well actually, I'm just slopping around the house this morning and doing a bit of a clean up as I have family from interstate coming to stay for a few days.
Do you ever wonder how parts of your house can begin to look untidy even if you rarely or never use them? This frustrates the living daylights out of me, because I'm okay cleaning up after myself, but cleaning up after no-one ??? There must be a ghost living here with me somewhere !!!
This post will be relatively short I feel as I want to do some other things that are not cleaning related, plus this post stems from just two sentences I read last night in a new book that I alluded to in my last post.
I fully realise that I might be jumping on a quote too soon rather than reading the entire book, but it just made me think so much of my own future, as I have no idea what tomorrow will bring let alone next year !
I also might be reacting too much to what may appear to be just a simple comment, but I don't mind. I just love the fact that I'm coming across books that really make me think about the bigger picture, whatever that may be.
To give you some context about the quote, in the opening pages Nedd is only a few hundred km's into a 4 000km fundraising run across Australia. Already his body is under intense stress and he is doubting his own ability to successfully complete what he had set out to do. His mental strength is being challenged just as much as his physical strength.
I'm sure we've all been like this at times after a really hard workout or physical exertion. Usually we are struggling after just one day of doing it, or just an hour or two.
Other times it might just be the mental stresses that we encounter in our daily lives.
Nedd is running 100 km a day, and doing this each day for 40 or more days, and at the point of the book right now he has just finished 500 km and already he is fighting his body to get it up and prepared each day for another long day on the road.
He is talking about how he needs to be able to shut down his mind and body at the end of each day so that it can fire up again the next day so that he can do it all again.
Now I hear you wondering, what on earth is the quote that is so important????
"How can you train yourself to approach things that way (talking about the strain he is putting himself through), when the future feels perpetually out of reach? You can't"
This really slapped me between the eyes, just like any other quote that resonates with me. As a result, I couldn't even finish the paragraph as my mind was racing with how I was interpreting this statement. Readers, this is why it often takes me so long to read a book as when I come across things that really get me thinking, I put the book down and let my thoughts just wonder about what I have just read. Jen would get just so frustrated with me when I did this, especially if she was waiting to read the book after me. More often than not she'd read a book first before recommending it to me, otherwise she'd be waiting forever !
So what feels out of reach for us?
* Winning Lotto?
* Losing weight ?
* Getting that promotion or job ?
* That new car or holiday ?
etc.
The ones that I mentioned are mainly material things, and sure I'd love to win Lotto ( I'm not that dumb to deny that still !!) but after lying awake for a long period of time last night pondering this I began to understand the statement a bit more.
I don't get out of bed each day striving to win a bucketload of money ( I actually won $8.50 the other night !!), because that's pretty much out of my control. Sure, if I buy a ticket my chances improve to 1:134 490 400 in a $12o million Powerball, very remote, but still a chance.
What I have taken from Nedd so far are more personal goals, dreams and ambitions, and that I just can't do nothing about them, but need to prepare myself each night to do what I can the next day to get the ball rolling again.
As I said earlier, what I'm doing next year is a total blur to me. I have got no idea at all. Do I still want to be teaching? Do I go part-time? Do I look at doing the Barrista course that I've longed to do ( probably not now with my hands the way they are) Do I stay living in Bendigo?
There are just so many 'what ifs' floating around my brain and at least I have been lucky enough to learn that I have to be careful not to make impulse choices, like I nearly did last year with the ute and caravan !!! (Read previous post for that story!)
What other things in the future feel perpetually out of reach then? Can I train myself to achieve them? Apparently this is too hard according to Nedd, and I'm not saying that you have to agree or disagree with him, but perhaps just wonder about it.
The way I see it is to not see them as perpetually out of reach, but rather as things that I can get part of the way, or as much as possible in reaching them. Striving for something that we see as achievable is much easier to go to sleep with at night rather than creating further anxiety aiming for the impossible.
Sometimes it does feel like this!!
After the events of the past 2 years I still go to sleep at night wondering many things. Will they happen at all? What do I need to do the start things happening?
They won't happen if do diddly squat about them, so there needs to be action and effort from my part.
And this is where I'll digress for a moment Readers (I haven't done that for quite a few posts !!)
Warning !! Vulnerability alert!!
One of the things that has sustained me since mid 2021 has been this blog, and the regular, and more often than not, irregular posts. It is my release and helps me to understand things more clearly. People have said to me things like "Why do you need to write it down?"
I find that when I write it down I think more clearly about it. It works for me, and if that bothers them...not my problem!
I have also had people take me to task about mentioning Jen so often. I can't avoid that as it is the one thing that has affected me the most in my entire life, so I can't ignore it. Think of the events in your life that have affected you the most - do you talk about them or push them to the side? To spend 10 months watching someone fade away and not have it affect you is something that I just cannot fathom. Most of it was done on my own, and now I need to try and find some level of happiness that often feels out of reach, but I mustn't give up on it. Every single day is still incredibly hard, but I'm committed to having a crack at making the most of whatever lays ahead of me. Putting it in the "too hard basket" is not what Jen would want, and neither would anyone around me as I'd be a total loser to them all.
After my recent light hearted posts this one has ventured down "Vulnerability Street", something that I'd never thought I'd be able to do in recent years, but now feel totally comfortable in doing. I hope you understand, and are able to identify things in your own lives that you really do need to take care with how you approach them, but don't give up on them.
We are two weeks into our holidays and while I did get away for a week in Qld, yesterday I just had this nagging feeling that I couldn't put a finger on, until it sort of came to me last night.
For the first time in 18 months I actually have enough mobility to go and do things, and here I am sitting at home. I am looking forward to having family here for a week or so, but it has been the being at home alone that has bugged me, when I should be out doing things. I think I just got used to being at home unable to do much, but that is going to change I can tell you!!!
Admittedly I do have to be in Bendigo for doctor appointments, but once they are done a new bike is on the cards, another trip to QLD and hopefully some totally random trips away. When one has been incapacitated to some degree it is so easy to remain in that space even after recovery ( using that term loosely Readers!!)
This where I am reaching out for the things that have seemed perpetually out of reach. Sure, running is the one thing that I'd dearly love to do again, but I'm realistic enough to realise that is out of the question. I now look for substitutions for the things that I want to do. They might not cut it like the things that I was once able to do, but as they are still within my reach then I'll go for them.
As for my bike, I'm enjoying the opportunity of searching for what I think will best suit me.
And after buying a new bike for our Grandson Henry, I just can't wait to go for a ride with him ❤️
Well Readers, I went a bit deeper than I had intended, but as I said, this is what helps me to reach out for the things that may seem at times to be perpetually out of reach. I may not get there, but at least I'll have a crack.
I hope you do too.
Until my next post,
Cheers 😁
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