Who's Talking?

Hi Readers, 

No excuses, straight into it!

Over the past few weeks I have had lots of think time as I have been spending so much time out riding or kayaking. It's during these times that ideas for posts come to me, and I usually scribble some ideas down on a post-it note. The next day another new idea comes, another post-it note, and soon I find I have little collections of them beside the bed, on the kitchen bench and in the car. When I scribble down the idea it seems like the greatest idea at the time, but after sleeping on it the idea fades somewhat.

But not today. 

I have spent the past five days up in Qld visiting two of our sons and our grandsons before they head off overseas indefinitely. And my flight has been delayed, so I need to occupy myself for an extra hour, so what a great opportunity for a post.

Which comes to the focus of this post.

I have created my own monster by always promising presents for our grandsons every time I visit. I know it is spoiling them, but I just can't help myself!!!

So this week I have focussed on books (just can't shake the teacher out of me). While in Bendigo last week I came across a shop selling secondhand books. I wandered in for a browse, as I have so much time on my hands and got talking to the people running the shop. 

They said all the books were donated, and all proceeds of sales go to the Foodshare Charity, which we have always tried to support.

After loading up on some great books that I was sure our grandsons would like, I ignored that they didn't look as 'new' as I would normally like, but I was glad to know where my money was going.

Fast forward a few days and I land in Qld and wander around to visit our son and his family.

Upon entering their home I get the usual greeting "Hey Pop!!" and a great big hug. 

Then comes the subtle whisper in my ear "Have you got a present for us?"

Little Henry isn't being greedy or demanding, it's just something that I have created, but I'm careful to keep it simple and appropriate.

As he is too young to read still, but not too young to love books, I handed him the 6 or so books that I had brought up and watched what he did.

He just quietly took them away and spread them all out on the floor and just gazed at them.

I didn't tell him what any of them were about, I just let him talk about them.

He was sort of talking to himself out loud, saying what he thought each book was about, it was priceless to watch.

Then he just grabbed one in particular (The Lion King) and sat and flipped through each page slowly and carefully.

I was making sure that I just didn't rush in and say "Let me read it to you", I just let him create his own meaning.

Eventually I did say "Would you like to read a book with Pop?" and he eagerly grabbed The Lion King, set up some cushions on the couch and snuggled in. Rather than going straight to reading it, we did a quick flip through it and I just let him tell me what he thought each page was about. 

Just hearing him talk about what HE thought it was about was so good, instead of ME saying "This is what it's about". 

So often we tend to take over the talking because we want them to know what it is correct, or the real idea of a story and don't let them create their own meaning. I was just so pleased that he was able to try and explain what he thought it was about.

For example, there was a picture on one page where each of the characters was showing a shocked/sad/ angry look, and when I asked him how they might be feeling he named a few of these emotions. And then he went off telling me a story about something that had happened at Day Care that day, describing how one of his friends had an accident at home and got hurt, needing to go to hospital for treatment. 

"Pop, he would be feeling like that lion in the picture"

I was blown away that he was able to relate some of the things from the books to his own life, just from providing the opportunity to use his own words instead of me rushing in and trying to give all the answers. 

And after reading this book, which took about 15 minutes ( I was amazed at his engagement!!) he jumped up and grabbed another.

In this book there was a page where a balloon exploded and there was a big POP!! word covering the whole page.

Because he knew the context of what was happening, he was able to join in saying this out loud with me, even though he would not be able to read this word on its own.

After we both screamed out "POP!" I said to him "Hey, that's what you call me", to which he replied "No Pop, you do things with us, that's just a balloon noise"

Was I amazed again at his ability to use his own words, words that often put a lump in my throat!!

Over the course of the next few days we read lots of books, and while i was up there I discovered another bookshop that sold secondhand books.

Imagine my utter joy and surprise when I found the very book that our 3 boys loved so much when they were kids and Jen and I would read to them so often.

I was happier than a dog with two tails as I skipped back to their house, so eager to read this with the next generation.

I walked in the door and told Henry "This was one of your Dad's favourite books when he was a little boy"

And just from that comment, he was carrying it around and just browsing through it, and all along we were just waiting for the right time to read it to him, when he asked or when he wanted.

The anticipation and build up was great. I just wanted to barge in and start reading it again, but I wanted him to have the chance to use his words to describe what it might be about, and why his dad and uncles loved it so much.

Readers, I continued writing this post while I was on the plane, but as we were getting ready to land the attendant told me to close my laptop and put it away, meaning I lost all that I had written while in the air. So here I am 4 days later finishing the post and hopefully writing something a bit more interesting. It's amazing that what I thought was good to have in the post 4 days ago is now totally ditched as I see it as irrelevant now.

Some of the things that toddlers say may sound really inappropriate at the time, but it most likely sounds totally appropriate to them. You, like me, have probably cracked up some times at some of the things they come out with.

For example, Henry was once out at the shops with his dad. At this point of time, his mum was quite pregnant with the impending birth of their next son.

There was a bloke at the checkout who had a rather larger than normal waistline, and Henry was peering intently at him before saying out loud "Daddy, is that man having a baby too?" There must have been a few muffled guffaws and sideways glancing, but I'm sure Sam just let it slide and maybe had a gentle chat with Henry once they left the shop.

There are times too when the language I use gets me into trouble with the little ones.

One night Henry's parents were busy getting dinner ready and looking after a one year old. I was just farting about with Henry and being my usual stupid self.

"What do you think we are having for dinner Henry?" I went with.

He gave up a few options, then I decided to spice it up a bit.

"Maybe we are having underpants and old sock sandwiches?"

He just stopped and stared me down, before sternly saying "Pop, you can't be using toilet words!"

BANG!!! I was being scolded by a 4 year old, and rightly so because I had used words in a context that he deemed inappropriate. His parents overheard it and each had a little giggle, and we left it at that. I was very careful in my choice of words from then on!!

On another day last week I went out with our other son for the afternoon. He picked me up and said "Dad, I'm taking you to my favourite brewery and we are going to sit and have a beer together"

He'd checked online beforehand to see if it was dog friendly, which it was, so off we went. He has this most beautiful well trained Golden Retriever that he goes everywhere with when and where possible.

Imagine our surprise when we walked in and got stopped by security, who politely told us "No dogs allowed"

Rather than argue the point, which we would have lost anyway we turned and left.

What to do now?

Will is currently remodelling a van and turning it into a camper van. He'd recently bought some timber strips for the ceiling but ran short. That morning he'd been to 3 different Bunnings stores to get more, all to no avail. He was at the point of thinking that he'd have to rip the already installed pieces out or try and manage as best as he could with a half done job. I suggested as we had no other plans, why don't we look at other timber places? A nearby Mitre 10 was no good, then as a last resort Will suggested the one remaining Bunnings that he hadn't tried, but it was a decent drive.

So off we went, with Will apologising for me having to sit in the van driving around Burleigh Heads for more than an hour.

No need to apologise, because my view is that when travelling in a car it is the greatest time for conversations, as no-one can really leave the discussion. It is when we are captives to each other, and for me this was probably better than sitting in the bar that we had planned to do. We were able to talk about all manner of things, and pretty much solve all the problems in the world. When one only sees his sons intermittently, having more than an hour in such close contact was just the greatest gift. And for me Readers, when these situations present themselves I make the most of every minute of it.

You could also argue that it could be the worst hour of your life if you and the other person just don't get on. Imagine sitting so close to each other in stone silence. That would be a challenge for sure. But then, I'd see it as an opportunity to perhaps try and clear the air and get to know that person on a different level, all through the power of conversation.

Anyway, back to the rest of our trip to the last remaining Big Green Church.

Once again, Will checked that it was dog friendly, which he was assured it was.

As we entered the shop and made our way towards the timber section, we were stopped by two different workers who knelt down and patted Zion and asked all about him, with genuine interest. The power of conversations!!

This interaction alone raised our hopes that the much need timber strips would be here, and sure enough they were!!

Off to the checkout and the cashier was gushing in her attention to Zion, asking all about him and sharing her own pet stories. Who would have thought that just having a dog with you could result in so many genuine interactions.

It made our afternoon.

This interaction with the cashier got me thinking.

How often do we just plonk our goods down on the shelf and let the cashier do what they do, and then just leave the store without really engaging with them at all?

My situation now that I'm on my own even more since retiring means that on some days these might be the only times I might engage with other people.

Often I'll just simply ask something very bland such as "Busy day?"

I might get nothing back, or a grunt, or a "Who the hell is this weirdo?" look, but more often than not they are somewhat taken aback and at first don't know what to say. But pretty quickly there is some friendly banter and some back and forth discussion.

Maybe this could also be that little spark in what might otherwise have been such a dreary and monotonous day for them. It's just a little experiment using the power of words.

And if anything, it also values them for helping to provide a service that you are using.

Another thing we did together that was akin to travelling in the car was to go Kayaking in the Tallebudgera Creek and estuary. Likewise to sitting beside each other in the car, we just paddled together for 90 mins side by side, once again talking about all things trivial and personal and coming up with even more ways to save the world.

I find it amazing that just by chatting as we do something together, the task that we are doing somehow blends into the background. We weren't aware of any fatigue setting in or the water surface changing in different areas, as our conversations absorbed us.

I might not remember everything that we saw as we were paddling, but I can remember everything that we spoke about as I was so focussed on that. Yet another case of the power of conversations.

Readers, this post to you might appear to be like a pie without sauce, as in really bland and adding up to not much at all. What I've been trying to get across is how valuable are our interactions with others no matter how big or small they may be.

One of the hardest things I had to get accustomed to since becoming single again was when watching tv at night and something really interesting would come on and I'd normally want to comment on it or discuss it with Jen. I'd start to say something, or turn to where Jen would normally be sitting, only to stop myself and just think about it instead.

Going back to my scenarios about getting served in shops, rather than complain about some piddly little whatever, I choose to make that situation positive rather than negative and try and find something good about the exchange, no matter how small that may be.

I'm still shocked when I see signs on counters or doors to businesses saying things like "If you are rude to our staff you will not be served" or "Abuse to our staff will not be tolerated"

Why do we feel the need to do this? Isn't it incumbent upon us to be respectful towards others even when we feel hard done by? There might be extreme exceptions, but I believe that whenever discussions start to get extreme, very little is achieved. Firm Yes, but keep it civil.

I hear people saying "Oh, but this is all due to Covid"

I call BS on that, as being civil has been around long before Covid.

When I see these signs I often ask if they still need to display them, and more often than not the answer is Yes, and usually they say that it is all since Covid. How often and for how long will people be using Covid as an excuse for their rudeness? Admittedly, I had Covid recently for the first time, having dodged it for 5 years. Yes it made me sick, but I'm pretty sure it didn't turn me into a rude prick!!! 

Sorry about my "toilet word" there, but it makes my blood boil.

As I sit here finishing this post Readers, I'm thinking about the conversations I'll be having in a few weeks as I'll be encountering many different languages in an upcoming trip. Rather than worrying about it, I'm already laughing at myself as I try to make myself understood and adapt to different customs, rules and regulations of the places I'll be visiting. There'll be no sidekick with me to pull me into line, kick my shins or roll eyes at me as has happened in so many previous trips, but I'll approach these tasks with enthusiasm.

So Readers, I hope that you don't take your interactions for granted for you never know when your next one with that person may be. And like me, I'm sure that there are people you'd be content to not have to interact with again, but hopefully you both parted on the best note.

Until my next post,

Cheers😀