Rain and Rainbows

Hi Readers,

Like most of the world I was saddened last week to hear of the death of Dolly Parton. I wouldn't classify myself as one of her fans or devotees, but I liked most of what she put out. And like most of you I presume, I learnt so much about her in the following days that just amazed me and showed a side of her that I just never knew. She certainly has left a lasting legacy.

While out walking to the bus stop a few days ago (my transport these days!) I heard her talking in an interview and she said something that really struck a chord with me, hence the title of this post.

She was talking about her tough upbringing, and I don't mean emotionally tough, it was just that she was one of twelve kids who lived in a two bedroom house that was still full of love despite the difficult conditions. From this she then went on to explain that she was so fortunate to have achieved what she had in life, and that in our lives you just don't get rainbows without the rain.

In other words, we have to take the bad with the good and that sometimes our 'rainbows' only really occur due to the 'rain'.

Warning!!!   Vulnerability Alert!! Do not continue reading if you get annoyed by people being very open and honest about feelings!!

Which got me thinking.

We all have experienced bad times in our lives, or periods of rain. Have we ever stopped to think how that might have changed us for the better? I'm not suggesting that every bad experience will result in something good later on, often it doesn't. But what I'm thinking about is that we often learn something about ourselves during these times that perhaps might just help us to be better in just the smallest of ways. Depending on the seriousness of our 'rain' looking for that elusive rainbow might seem harder than we think, or it might not be obvious for a long period of time.

For example, as I've said in previous posts, I have had a few surgeries of late. It is just coming up to 4 weeks since I had my shoulder reco and boy have I had to search for my rainbows after this little bit of rain.

Being my dominant arm, I just wasn't prepared enough for how much it would affect me. Just the smallest of tasks would not be possible, or hurt like hell to try and do anyway. This recovery has laid me up so much more than any of the ankle, knee, hand and finger surgeries I've had lately. I've been in a sling for 4 weeks and no driving. Two more weeks of this to go. So many little things that I take for granted, like getting dressed, putting on my socks, drying off after a shower, cooking, cutting up my dinner, buttering bread/toast etc. Not complaining at all, just getting so frustrated at not being able to do the simplest of tasks that we otherwise do without thinking. I just have to laugh at it at times!!

Okay, that's a little bit of my rain. 

My Rainbows?

Because I don't like to ask anyone for help with rides etc as I just hate being a burden, I now walk to the bus stop and ride the buses into town and home again if I need to get things. I could do the same to the local supermarket, but as it's only a 25 minute walk I just do it and enjoy listening to music/podcasts/talkback on these walks. There has only been one of these trips that sort of didn't have a rainbow as it was actually pouring rain when I walked down to the supermarket as I had run out of some medication. But now that I think of it, I didn't really mind that I was getting soaked despite the umbrella. Once you're wet you can't really get any wetter right??? 

That was a case of experiencing the actual rain and rainbow, then being able to use it as an analogy.

And while on the topic of walking, something that I swore I would never get into when I was able to run a lot, I now look forward to getting out and about as it is my only form of exercise I can do at the moment. And dropping a few kg's has also added colour to my rainbow!!!

On a more serious and personal note, 4 years ago I didn't just get rain, I got the whole friggin hurricane! This was when Jen got sick and we lost her. I still try and search for rainbows throughout and since this, and I feel incredibly guilty trying to find any sort of positive about it. How can I possibly feel that anything good happened as a result of this???

By the same token, Jen would slap me now if she thought I was wallowing in self pity so I just have to search for anything that I have gained since this all happened and what I have learnt from the ordeal. And as I write this I still feel uneasy about recognising how her legacy helps me to find my way forward. 

Readers, I really struggled to explain myself here, I hope you can sort of understand!!

After writing this last piece I had a major episode of writer's block. I just didn't know what to write. Usually the words come freely, but I'm struggling somewhat with this post today. 

In previous posts  I have spoken about how hard it can be to express one's vulnerability, but at the same time it can be incredibly liberating, so I'll push on.

No sooner did I close the laptop and I get a message from a dear friend who asked if a visit was on the cards? For sure, I've been doing diddly squat here for nearly 4 weeks as I can't drive anywhere, so a visit would be great. Well this very quickly became a rainbow, as I was able to express the feelings I was having trying to write this post, and how I was experiencing guilt at trying to find the smallest of positives in it. This friend did just the best thing. Listened. There may have been some advice, but I honestly can't recall it, there was just intent listening as I was able to get some things off my chest.

Would I have been so open in previous years? Absolutely not. Since Jen's ordeal I have learnt that it is okay to express your feelings openly and try not to bottle them up. I've only been able or prepared to slightly open this bottle as I still have things that I witnessed and experienced that I can't bring myself to share. For the time being.

But to have someone really listen, and not judge or try and come up with a solution this morning was a massive rainbow for me. 

Then as if the morning could not have been any better, I get a phone call from an ex colleague who I worked with until just 2-3 years ago. He wanted to come around for a visit and bring another ex colleague who also recently left the school to take up a promotion elsewhere. Both are the absolute real deal when it comes to living and breathing the RUOK principle and supporting and promoting men's health. What stands out also is that they are probably half my age, and not only do they reach out to me, I love what they bring to the equation too.

When I first went back to work after losing Jen, these two just had that instinct to know when to drop by for a chat or just check in with me. We might only talk about superficial things like footy or sport, but I really could see that they were checking in to ensure that I was travelling okay. I'll never forget how much that meant to me at the time. In the past I would have dismissed all of this, but in the past 4 years I have learnt to value these experiences and to see them for what they are, people looking after other people. It also reinforced the importance of accepting one's vulnerability.

Sorry for banging on about that again, but if there is a massive rainbow since the loss of Jen, that would be it. It allows me to express my feelings without ridicule, and if someone wants to have a crack at me about it, bring it on as I don't actually care!!

So this morning I went from total writer's block as I just couldn't get out the words to explain what I was trying to say, to having visits from some people who have been just amazing in helping me to find my way again. As soon as they left I just couldn't get back on the keyboard fast enough. Whether I have been successful in expressing this clearly enough is up to you to decide!

If there is one thing that I've learnt over the past 4 years it has been to appreciate people a lot more rather than appreciate what they do. To explain this, I found that often I'd only thank people for what they might have done for me, whereas nowadays I tend to appreciate them for who they are and not just what they get done. I'd often say things like "Thanks, I appreciate that" but now it is "Thanks, I appreciate you". It took a while to get used to saying this as often I'd get strange looks and have to explain myself, but usually I'd only have to do this once as they'd understand it straight away.

Go and try it Readers and see what response you get!!

Readers, I was going to apologise for writing about some rather personal feelings today, but then I just thought "You want to write it, they don't have to like it", so if you are still with me, then I appreciate you!!

Additionally, I just hope that I've prompted some thoughts within you about some of your own Rain and Rainbow moments. I'd hate for you to dredge up memories you'd rather avoid, but like me, have they in some way helped you to become better in just some small way? And I'm sure that in some way it is okay to identify these despite any feelings of guilt you may experience.

Let's lighten the mood a bit.

Any Ted Lasso fans out there?

Each Wednesday I must check 10-15 times to see if the latest episode has dropped, I'm a total Ted Lasso nutcase!!! Yes it is funny, also sad, but this is one of two shows that has had the most impact on me that I can remember. The other is the Ricky Gervais series "After Life". If you have watched this you'll understand why this resonates with me so much. Two series that I could watch and then start from episode 1 all over again.

Anyway, this latest series of Ted Lasso is just as good as the others and what strikes me is that it is not necessarily a show about a soccer team, it is about relationships and understanding the frailties of ourselves and others and how to treat others.

Powerful messages constantly.

I could bang on in each post about a Ted Lasso message (Hey, that's an idea!!) but I'll spare you with just one that I got this morning.

In the opening credits it shows Ted sitting in a sea of blue seats, and his is red. Just one red seat.

     

Then a few more seats turn red

Then by the end of the credits we see that gradually a lot more seats turn red. Not instantly, just gradually, emanating out from where Ted is.

And we end up with the red seats spelling out his name.

As I said earlier, it's not a show about a soccer team, it's more than that. This opening scene is all about the change that Ted is able to enact, and that change can be incredibly difficult at times. Change has to start somewhere, and in this case it starts from Ted, one piece at a time, and not every chair will change or respond to it. 

So what does this have to do with Rain and Rainbows?

Sometimes in order to implement change you may need to change yourself too. Experiencing your own rainbows could be some of these changes. I know that the teacher I was in 2021 is not the teacher I finished up as in 2024. Things happened that totally changed how I saw things, and things that might have really bugged me in 2021 were irrelevant when I came back to teaching a year later. In my mind I began to see more clearly what I felt was more important, I felt I became more patient with the kids and as a result my last two years were probably the most enjoyable years of my whole career. But by then I knew I was cooked too. Without really knowing it, as I look back I think that I was like Ted sitting in the stands, trying to implement changes with the kids gradually and not getting fussed if some weren't coming along for the ride. Everything was above board of course, it was just in the way that I was hoping that they could treat each other and think about themselves more positively.

Well Readers, I did warn you at the start that there was going to be a bit of honesty about this post, so I hope that I haven't put you off continuing to follow me. As always, feel free to leave a comment in the 'Comment' tab below, you can be anonymous and I love any feedback.

I hope your week doesn't have too much 'rain', and that you take the time to sit back and acknowledge your own 'rainbows'. I'm sure you'll feel a little better about yourself.

Until my next post,

Cheers 😁. 🌧️ 🌈